Is It a Bad Idea to Transition if You're NB?

[rlacy2018]

There probably is no straight forward answer to this question.. A few of you have seen my posts before, but I guess I'll still introduce myself for relevancy. I'm Abby, (I think I'm going by that name to test it out, I'm (I guess actually genderqueer, I still don't completely know the difference between identity vs feeling feminine/masculine?). I'm 19, and I've been on HRT for almost 3 months now.

Overall, things have been great, I'm a lot happier than I ever have been with myself, but I'm already at the point where there are some permanent changes. I've had quite a bit of breast growth, and I'm not gonna lie, it's been super comforting. Like, I love the way bras feel like they're just hugging my boobs, and it's just really comforting to be able to feel them there when I'm going to bed or something (tmi?). It's been a great change, but it's permanent, and that's what stresses me out. Since I am nb (more on the feminine side), am I going to feel weird during times that I may feel more masculine? Is the happiness I've gotten from HRT just because it's new and exciting (my mom very well could be right)? Or would I not have even considered transition if I wasn't right for me? I mean, people do detransition, it's a thing.. I don't believe it's common, but it happens. What if I'm one of them?

It just scares me, how do I know if I should keep taking HRT or stop? Its such a time sensitive decision, and I think that's what's getting to me. Like I said, I've been a lot happier, I've actually been able to enjoy looking at myself in the mirror lately (though that's probably just due to mental changes), but there's always that "what if?" I'm making the wrong decision.

I love all of you beauties. <3 I feel bad for any of you that bear through to read my posts haha. But I really appreciate and love all of you!

Edit: I should add, I think that my biggest problem is that I can't pinpoint my gender identity. Like, I don't completely get what it means to identify as a certain gender, I just feel very 'in the dark' when I try to think about it. Then, it makes me wonder if I'm just cis then since I it isn't obvious, but I highly doubt that.

[Beverly Anne]

There was a time that I was unsure of where I fit on the gender spectrum. I expressed non-binary for a long time, before I admitted to myself that it wasn't me. I knew I was the female binary all along and suppressed it for social reasons. A gender therapist helped me wade through all the crap to discover my true self. I decided to transition, started HRT and haven't regretted it for one minute. Gender correction surgery is next. The only advice I can offer is to trust who you are and turn off any noise causing confusion, whatever that may be. Therapy can help with that. Finding clarity is the goal. You're going to be great whatever you decide.

[rlacy2018]

There was a time that I was unsure of where I fit on the gender spectrum. I expressed non-binary for a long time, before I admitted to myself that it wasn't me. I knew I was the female binary all along and suppressed it for social reasons. A gender therapist helped me wade through all the crap to discover my true self. I decided to transition, started HRT and haven't regretted it for one minute. Gender correction surgery is next. The only advice I can offer is to trust who you are and turn off any noise causing confusion, whatever that may be. Therapy can help with that. Finding clarity is the goal. You're going to be great whatever you decide.

Thank you. it's funny, I know I'm sure until decisions really need to be made, but I did decide to start HRT and haven't stopped it. I think I definitely do need to try and dig deep in therapy. Congratulations on everything going well now though! It really is amazing.

[dee82]

Hi Abby,

That is a difficult and confusing situation to be in. I don't have any good answer for you, cause I just don't know.

It sounds to me like you need some good indepth chats with a gender therapist. Even better, if they have talked with clients who also share your experience of being non-binary.

You say you are more on the feminine side, so having breast growth is great! But I don't know how that will feel when you are more masculine.

I thought transitioning is tricky, but being binary makes it even harder.

Good Luck figuring this out. I hope someone with more experience than me can pitch in.

~Dee.

Just thinking, there has got to be stories on the internet (here and on the outside) from people who have struggled with the same question. Maybe their experiences can help you as well?

[rlacy2018]

Hi Abby,

That is a difficult and confusing situation to be in. I don't have any good answer for you, cause I just don't know.

It sounds to me like you need some good indepth chats with a gender therapist. Even better, if they have talked with clients who also share your experience of being non-binary.

You say you are more on the feminine side, so having breast growth is great! But I don't know how that will feel when you are more masculine.

I thought transitioning is tricky, but being binary makes it even harder.

Good Luck figuring this out. I hope someone with more experience than me can pitch in.

~Dee.

Just thinking, there has got to be stories on the internet (here and on the outside) from people who have struggled with the same question. Maybe their experiences can help you as well?

Thank you Dee! I think some serous soul searching is definitely due. I agree with what you said about a gender therapist, I have been seeing one so that's good. Anyways, I do really appreciate it, and I definitely will check out those resources. Thank you!

[Maid Marion]

My guess is that people de-transition because they have more going on than just gender issues.  Changing gender doesn't fix the other stuff. 

It may help to figure out where you want to go with regards to your career, family, and friends, in the long run.

[KimOct]

Hi Abby, I am just going to give you my circumstance and maybe some of it will ring true to you.

I am transitioned, much older than you, 58 now and 55 when I transitioned.  I do believe in a gender spectrum and align more closely to being female.  For me being NB just wouldn't fit.  I feel more accepted being an openly transwoman than I would being NB.  Switching back and forth is more challenging from my perspective.

In a recent meeting with my therapist I discussed that I don't feel like a 'girly girl'.  My therapist is female but identifies as queer.  She made an excellent point to me. Not all men or women are the same.  We don't have to fit into stereotypes. There are many genetic women that are not ultra feminine.  Feeling 'masculine' sometimes does not define you.

I still like sports for example and some days I just feel a little more male than others.  It could be conditioning from spending most of my life in that mode.  Even though I may not be ultra feminine I do know that I am much closer to female than male on a gender spectrum.

Don't pressure yourself to define who you are.  Just be yourself and learn to accept yourself.  Over time who you are will become evident.

[Dani]

In my opinion, physical transition should only be for people who have an overwhelming need.

Yes, a NB can do some things that are short of full transition and still feel fulfilled, but I would think that in a binary world this must be carefully considered if these things will really get you where you need to be. The binary world can be a cruel place for anyone who does not fit in the expected normal.

[MeTony]

It took me over 10 years to come to terms with who I am. I'm 41 and will hopefully get T  within a year. In Sweden you need to go through several therapy sessions before you get a "GO" to continue transition.

You are young and in your age I was also questioning myself. But finally, after my breakdown in my 30's, I realized I am a binary man.

If medical transition is correct for you, only you can know. If you are unsure take a step back and try to feel and know yourself. There is no must to fully transition to be happy, transition don't fix your problems in life, it only fixes dysphoria.

Tony

[Devlyn]

The binary is crumbling, people are expressing their true selves more and more every day. If this is who you are, embrace it. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[StacyRenee]

The binary is crumbling, people are expressing their true selves more and more every day. If this is who you are, embrace it. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Exactly! Devlyn has it summed up really well. Gender is a spectrum. Some of us are full tilt feminine getting our hair and nails done regularly leaving all masculine traits behind. Most of us still have a fair amount of masculinity lingering (we geek out over tech, fix our own cars, still enjoy hunting/fishing). It's not that women don't do these things, just typically more associated with masculinity. And that's the point! There's nothing wrong with women, cis or trans, enjoying things that are considered masculine.

Unfortunately, society doesn't feel the same way when you swap the roles. Men doing feminine things are looked down on as being inferior in every way. Why would a man want to be a woman? I think misogyny, or at least the supposition that women are inferior, is the root of transphobia and homophobia.

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