dilation hurts...

[Marcie237]

mod move/edit if necessary
yes of course it does, but.... 
1st post, hi all.
cranky senior.
70's, intersex thanks to DES, srs 1975 at NYC (no good), 2nd at Stanford 1976, very good but no followup since living across country. didn't dilate so had probs with urethra and clitoris skin shrinking, developed eczema-like, used hydrocort (which doc finally told me a month ago thins skin), was having chronic UTIs, gyn finally said go find urologist, only trans-knowledgeable urologist in Boston was at BMC and they kindly picked me up, finally did a flexcysto and said no prob with urethra or bladder. (YAY) so AHA! so put a little surgilube in top of vagina and uti stuff vanished as did the eczema like stuff (after 45 years!!!) so immediately started dilating with the surgilube and SSD . 7/8 and 1" is easy, but with 1 1/4 (Vuva) I re-found the one hair on the side part way in, so with cream applicator (pkg of 15 on ebay)(rinse and can re-use) with Nair (gentle for face)for 8 min and then rinse VERY well(do at your own risk, please). - fine but I find that I have a patch of skin there (about a square inch)(it was all a split-thickness graft since was 2nd op) that moves and pinches against itself when dilating - OUCH. So I can, using a similar creme applicator, put a bit of lidocain 2% in there, wait 5 min, and then try to sneak the dilator by it. Twice now I have been able to leave it in for an hour, but removing it this time motivated me to sign up here and say hi and ouch. Hi!
As an offshoot my urologist referred me to their surgeon so I will get a slight resection of my labia (yay) and maybe connect with a Soul silicon dilator which might help things as I think they might feel softer....?
so any ideas for pain would be appreciated! !!!
FYI, I do not identify as trans, never have, but as just a little critter (well, medium-sized...) who generally gets read as F. I have worked as F since 1975. My current path is retired, will now dilate forever, and probably take pueraria M (amazon 10oz) for life(found it a month ago). I have supportive doctors. Feeling good and try to walk lots. I do a lot of "meditation" (focused self abreaction) and also do self acupuncture as needed(got a nice local community acu when needed). because of the DES I grew up with a ton of pain-when-pee so have used that to work through a ton of the resulting tensions.
Wishing all a super and fulfilling existance, however that may evolve!

[Northern Star Girl]

@kristiM   
Dear Kristi:
    I do not have suggestions for you other than keep seeking answers from your doctors... and about the only comment I can make is "No Pain, No Gain"   Now that you have posted your Introduction there may be other members than can offer some of their thoughts that may address some of your concerns. 

    Right now however, is an important task of me giving you an Official Welcome to Susan's Place.  Thank you for becoming a member of Susan's Place and coming to the Forums.
    I am most pleased that you had decided to join the Susan's Place site and the Forums.

    Thank you for writing your very first posting.  Your introduction will permit other members here to know of your arrival... and you can expect more sharing of thoughts with other members.  As you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
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[AnonyMs]

Sounds like you stopped taking estrogen? If so, that's not healthy.

[Marcie237]

I did not get email notices for these as I initially had settings set wrong so hopefully I will be faster on the response time...

@Danielle Thanks for your welcome!!!!!!, and yes -

I do not have suggestions for you other than keep seeking answers from your doctors... and about the only comment I can make is "No Pain, No Gain"   

YES, at least now, finally, I have an excellent support team at easy reach, and will use them. As to the "no pain, no gain," that saw is only partially true, I feel. Pain is part of the body's warning system and I have read here and elsewhere of folks going through much excruciating pain and bleeding that just doesn't seem right, and while my heart goes out to them I can only hope that they keep trying and are able to get appropriate help. Sometimes being a pest works. Remember I am on my second SRS even though the first one was by supposedly world-famous folks. YOU are your own best judge...

@AnonyMs, hi and thanks for looking in!!! YES! - remember that I am an old fogie and went through the timeframe where doctors, because of studies, in their infinite (ha) wisdom, took me off estradiol. Of course now I could probably go back on it .  Years past when I was on premarin, I went off it because I was getting bad hot flashes - didn't discover until early 2000 that I had an ovary in there and was menopausing (joys of intersex). But it's all an experience that I wouldn't change for the world! I had tried the black cohosh etc stuffs and soy iso stuffs with no results and only a month ago connected with a batch of (EDIT please see a couple posts down about this stuff!)Pueraria M (10oz Amazon) that actually did something (previous ebay 8oz batch did nothing). so that gives me good feelings/setup for the rest of my life (since estrogens are a long process, not a quick fix - I expect years for changes, though my nipples immediately got and are sore.)

When I was much younger, I wanted breast implants and got them and 15 years later had them removed since my skin is tight and they just didn't look natural. Dow Corning, no complications either time and was very lucky on the scarring - you really have to look at the areola to see anything. My comment to my plastic surgeon at the time was that we has no right to expect anywhere near the good result we got - just luck!!! Joel Mark Noe, bless you!
  My immediate aim/focus for now is to dilate, (now that I am done with the UTI stuffs) and see if I can get back to most of what Stanford made for me 45 years ago. so, yes, the pelvic muscle wall will bitch and whine as I go back through it and the sensitive vaginal tissues get pinched and complain, and, indeed, I may already be at my limit (1 1/4) - if so, so be it, but I know that I need to keep it there forever so the tissues around the urethra and clitoris can stretch, relax, and adjust .

  For me, dilation is forever(that's cool), and estrogen of whatever form you (and your doctors help you to) adjust to, is forever.


I object - last time the post verification thing asked me if I was human!!!  Don't know about that!!!
Exercise as much as you can!

[AnonyMs]

I think you should get back on estrogen and stop the other stuff. You'd probably feel better.

Premarin is no longer used these days, or shouldn't be.

[Marcie237]

I think you should get back on estrogen and stop the other stuff. You'd probably feel better.

Premarin is no longer used these days, or shouldn't be.

Have no idea what you mean by this.

EDIT: you mean be on estradiol or somesuch? actually I just did put a question about that to my "team" so we'll see what they say...

[AnonyMs]

Yes, estradiol.  Herbals are bad. Gave a look here

Pueraria Mirifica and related 'breast growth' products plus other
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=212670.0

I'd be concerned about the competence of your existing doctor given that you're not already on estrogen.

I don't want to say too much more as there's older members here who have been in a similar situation to yourself and it would be better if they replied.

[Marcie237]

Time to add a bit more to this: One of the docs at my last visit (ref labia resection) said something like "walk while dilating". I don't remember the exact words, and i don't interpret it as "put in dilator and run a 5K", but ...  I did have to go back to the 1" to do this, but got a thin belt and some 4"? wide elastic from the local sew store, and each morning I pop in the dilator and snug it up a little just so it doesn't fall down when I'm up and about, and wear it while puttering around my small apt. making coffee, sitting watching TV, etc. whatever. I have gotten much more at ease with it in a couple days and if nature calls, I just pop it out, do it, and pop it back in - no fuss. I have been doing this for 2 3-hour sessions each day. I have ordered a Soulsource yellow 1 1/8 which hopefully I will have by the end of the week and so can progress.  The plastic 1 1/4 I have is too much for me at the moment, doing it this way, so, baby steps. This is very cool considering I really haven't dilated in the last 40 years, with the exception of a couple months 15 years ago. It does squish my labia a tad (the lip on the dilator)(another reason for wanting the resection), but easily doable and not a real problem. So far this seems an easy way to maintain/progress. Onward!