Intro: Nervous but Excited

[Hannah_Celeste]

Hi everyone,

I posted here yesterday in a different forum and was encouraged to leave an intro here <3. I was looking for an online support community of sorts, or at least a place where I can engage with other folks in the Transgender community. I'll be (hopefully) starting transition soon and I have an enormous amount of questions. You all seem like a wonderful group so far, so I'm eager to talk with you more, ask, listen, seek guidance and do my absolute best to give back the same. Which leads me to how I got here...

Since about age 10, I've obsessed over what it would be like to live as a girl. I was perfectly content to do this until puberty, when I realized my religious family would not support such a desire. If I ever brought up even a hint of the topic, it would be shot down quickly. This lead to late nights at the computer alone researching what being transgender was, tons of wearing girl's clothes while my parents worked, etc..This lasted until present day and has never really been addressed. I am 29 now. I've been through almost 19 years of feeling like I'm not living in the body I want and have had several fits and starts with transition since then.

My consultation in a month will be my third attempt at starting transition, and I can already feel the typical doubt setting in again. But in order to break this cycle, where I become worried and discouraged every time I try to begin, I must discipline myself to just begin and see where I land.  I've already been approved for hormones, but the doctor will likely start me on the whole processes over with me next month.

I am here gathering as much information about my reservations, fears and concerns as I can before that time. One of the largest obstacles I face right now is that it's incredibly important that I change jobs soon. And if I start hormones, I may be unable to remain stealth with my new employer after a few months and am concerned this will lead me to not being able to hold the job I want.

Anyways, before I continue my short little novel (: P), I'll say I'm really encouraged by the wonderful folks I've met here so far, and am very eager to stick around a while and see if I can help others, too.

Pleasure to meet you!

-Hannah

[Northern Star Girl]

@Hannah_Celeste
I see that our lovely member @V M had given you a warm welcome on the other thread that you first posted on...  she had included in her Welcome Message some very important and informative LINKS that will help you to safely navigate around the Forums.

Thank you for following V M's suggestion and LINKS that she provided for you to come here to the Introductions Forums to tell more members about yourself....  as a result you will surely be involved in more sharing... and give and take with other like-minded members.   
You may even find that you will be able to develop friends here as well.

Please be certain to read over those LINKS to see what the Forums are all about and the rules that members must follow.

Be sure to look especially at the LINKS IN RED,  most answers to new members questions will be found there.

Allow me also to give you a warm WELCOME TO SUSAN'S PLACE.
Please enjoy your time here and get involved as much as you feel comfortable doing.

Best wishes to you,
Danielle

[HappyMoni]

Hi Hannah,

   Welcome, my name is Moni! Glad you are here and thank you for opening up. Actual experience and therapy are two excellent things to do to figure things out. I wish you luck. Becoming your true self  is pretty amazing.

[dee82]

Hi Hannah,

Doubts are normal, right? I know I get awfully anxious at each milestone. With the support of everyone here, it should be easier this time.

Good luck with the next consultation.

~Dee.

[Hannah_Celeste]

Thank you all! I'll be around reading and replying to other threads for a bit in the coming days. It's great to meet you!

@HappyMoni I'm glad to be hearing about so many folks that feel amazing about things. And that's what I was thinking! Actual experience and getting more support were the only things I wasn't trying.

@Alaskan Danielle,

Thank you! I have read every link she gave me and feel like I have a solid understanding of the community rules and guidelines .

@dee82 Yes, I should hope so. These are life changing decisions. I might be concerned if there were no discomfort at all. Thank you!

[V M]

Hi again Hannah 

Glad to see you post an intro

Hugs

V M

[LizK]

......I am here gathering as much information about my reservations, fears and concerns as I can before that time. One of the largest obstacles I face right now is that it's incredibly important that I change jobs soon. And if I start hormones, I may be unable to remain stealth with my new employer after a few months and am concerned this will lead me to not being able to hold the job I want.

Anyways, before I continue my short little novel (: P), I'll say I'm really encouraged by the wonderful folks I've met here so far, and am very eager to stick around a while and see if I can help others, too.

Pleasure to meet you!

-Hannah

Hi Hannah

Glad you found us and I hope you are able to get the answers you are looking for. All of us when we think  about transition have more questions than answers. I can tell you one thing for certain...the phrase Your Mileage May Vary or YMMV is a common expression and basically means no matter what anyone says here, this is things are different for all of us. We all react to things differently...not everyone gets results from HRT, not everyone gets exactly what they want out of GCS..... Transition is incredibly hard and can be so incredibly rewarding on so many levels. Be prepared for anything...oh and buy lots of tissues.

Take care

Liz

[Hannah_Celeste]

@ V M you bet! Hello again!

@ LizK

I've been hearing about that a lot over the years. Everyone's body and experiences are different. Maybe this gives a good motivation to focus on one's own experience, but still take the experiences of others as guidance where they apply? For me this is where excitement and terror come in at the same time xD. But it'll be an adventure regardless. Really. Good to meet you.

[Susan R]

Hi Hannah, nice to meet you.  Talking with others is a good way of learning about the ups and downs and also to avoid pit falls along the way.  You might try to find a local TG group if you live near a University or metropolitan area.  I was helped years ago by attending one for many years. As suggested, therapy is always a great choice.  When I became serious about transitioning, this was crucial to my moving forward and alleviating many fears and apprehensions.  I wish you luck whichever direction your journey takes you. Thank you so much for sharing.

Susan R🌷

[KimOct]

Hi Hannah,  So glad you are here.  From reading your story I really hope you keep pushing forward.  At the risk of acting as though I know all about you ( I certainly don't) but anyone that has had these feelings since childhood and that has focused so much of their thoughts on them is definitely on the transgender spectrum IMHO.

Therapy is excellent so long as you believe your therapist is the right one for you.  If it doesn't feel like the right fit then find a different one.  Online support such as this is also another important piece of the puzzle.  A different site I used to be on really helped me ask myself some important questions and from what I have read in my short time here I think there is even more valuable insight here than where I started.

Keep pushing forward if you feel this is your truth.  I knew it from age 10 but didn't transition until 3 years ago at age 55. Don't follow in my footsteps and wait so long if you know in your heart this is the right thing for you.

A very smart friend once told me " The first transphobe you have to deal with is yourself".  Not the last time I will quote that on this site.
Best wishes
Kim