Do you ever question "Why do I even bother doing it?"

[CosmicJoke]

This is something I wanted to ask some other transgender people. Something I will say is, there is nothing easy about transition. It seems that the further I get into it the more I see the sacrifices. You lose friends, you lose family, and you lose approval from society. Sure, it is wonderful on the rare occasion that I find someone that actually does accept it, but it is a very lonely path for the most part.
So, I am curious if that question ever crosses or has crossed your mind at some point in this journey. "Why do I even bother doing it?"

[dee82]

So, I am curious if that question ever crosses or has crossed your mind at some point in this journey. "Why do I even bother doing it?"

That thought crossed my mind during a very stressful week related to a work situation about a month back. The work stress was not transitioning related, but the work, on top of transitioning felt like way too much.

A different but similar thought I get when someone says "You must have courage to do this!" is:

"You mean I must be stupid to do this! right?"

I don't always say it out loud, but have sometimes.

~Dee.

[Jennifer M]

It has, and I am sure it will continue to.

[Rayna]

Almost everybody has these thoughts, some of us a lot. It is a rare person who comes into this with such self confidence (or obliviousness ) that they blow right by the doubts. Be patient and you'll feel better soon.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

[davina61]

After a year on hormones and almost 2 years of being me not any longer as I have "found" myself.

[Jessica_Rose]

As others have said, I think we all question ourselves at times. Many people have congratulated me for being brave or courageous. I usually just thank them, but I tell my friends that it was actually an act of desperation. If you have to chose between growing more miserable and angrier every year with the thoughts of ending your own life becoming stronger and stronger, or allowing yourself to find peace -- is it really that hard of a decision?

If I ever doubt myself, thinking about who I used to be for a few seconds puts me right back on track. It is in many ways both the most difficult and easiest decision I ever made.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Nina]

My ex wife would say transitioning was selfish of me.
I, on the other hand, say transition was for my future survival. I needed to transition, at any cost.
And a cost I paid.
On one side of the ledger, I've not seen my daughter since 2008. I doubt she'll ever see me again as she has no idea where I live or even my name. A friend of mine suggested keeping a Facebook profile with my old name and a contact number just in case.
I can only imagine the pain and torment my ex went through. What she had to tell her family and our friends...and why I disappeared.
I quit a significant six figure job.

On the plus side of the ledger, it has taken me a few years to get back on my feet. 10 years since I transitioned, I'm married again, own my second house, retired (I'm 53), and life is good.
I do pray almost every day that I'll see my daughter again. One day.

Transition has been a blessing, not a burden.

[Faith]

... <snip> ... I am curious if that question ever crosses or has crossed your mind at some point in this journey. "Why do I even bother doing it?"

Every day

[Allison S]

I question why I bother. Or even why I exist in the first place to carry this heavy burden... Recently I've been thinking a lot about "what would make this successful?" as in my transition... I guess I think "success" (what does that even mean?) would somehow justify my transition and even my existence. Mostly though I think I just want to be accepted and respected. I don't feel like I "belong" in my family and never have. I guess it's worth my time to try to find somewhere I do belong though..

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[KathyLauren]

I do have occasional moments where I think that this must be the craziest thing I have done in my life.  Wouldn't it have been simpler just to carry on the way I was?

Those moments happen when I stop thinking about why I am doing it.

I quickly come to my senses and remember exactly why I do it.  I remember the decades of not being able to be myself.  And I think of what my future would have held if I had not transitioned: a probably inevitable slide into depression, and who knows what kind of end.

[Devlyn]

This is something I wanted to ask some other transgender people. Something I will say is, there is nothing easy about transition. It seems that the further I get into it the more I see the sacrifices. You lose friends, you lose family, and you lose approval from society. Sure, it is wonderful on the rare occasion that I find someone that actually does accept it, but it is a very lonely path for the most part.
So, I am curious if that question ever crosses or has crossed your mind at some point in this journey. "Why do I even bother doing it?"

No, once I was headed down the path I never looked back.

I'm sorry you've lost so much. I had to distance myself from my brother for a short time, but he's since come around in his thinking. I transitioned on the job, a few hiccups there, but all was fine after some communicating. I haven't lost a single friend, and made plenty of new ones along the way.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Kylo]

Not really.

I'm a self-centered person. I don't mean that I'm a selfish monster, I mean that my life has always been predicated on self-preservation in order to function, and self-aware of its own level of discomfort. I believe I'm here and alive for myself primarily and don't exist for someone else or for society (I don't have any kids, that would be the only exception for my situation). Maybe that attitude comes from being isolated or feeling isolated. But the whole point of living in my opinion is to come to understand and appreciate yourself so you can understand and appreciate life.

Being trans throws a massive spanner in the works when it comes to understanding and appreciating the lived experience.

I bother doing it because if there's an opportunity to self-actualize better and improve the lived experience on a personal level, it has to be done if it can be done. To not do it when I could do it and never know if I could reach a better plane of existence would be something to answer for when it was too late to act.

Friends? Those can be replaced. There is no use for a friend who behaves like an enemy.

Family? Those can't be replaced, but again, if they behave like an enemy, what good are they? And what real justification do they have for behaving like an enemy over something like this? This is a condition, in my case. I didn't choose it, I didn't ask for it, I don't want it, and it affected my life negatively to the point I sought medical intervention. If they begrudge me that to keep up appearances, they can shove it where the sun don't shine. 

Society? What do I owe society that can't be paid after transition as before?

(I guess it's a question of attitude. Mine has always been reactive. Don't mess with me and I won't mess with you, sort of thing. I don't ask for anything and I don't take anything that doesn't belong to me. Therefore I owe nothing to anyone else. Nobody has a right to interfere with my life if my life is not interfering with theirs.

I do think isolation probably has a lot to do with this attitude, but I don't know any better. I've always been isolated and "different").

[Devlyn]

Not really.

I'm a self-centered person. I don't mean that I'm a selfish monster, I mean that my life has always been predicated on self-preservation in order to function, and self-aware of its own level of discomfort, and I believe I'm here and alive for myself primarily and don't exist for someone else or for society. Maybe that attitude comes from being isolated or feeling isolated. But the whole point of living in my opinion is to come to understand and appreciate yourself so you can understand and appreciate life.

Being trans throws a massive spanner in the works when it comes to understanding and appreciating the lived experience.

I bother doing it because if there's an opportunity to self-actualize better and improve the lived experience on a personal level, it has to be done if it can be done. To not do it when I could do it and never know if I could reach a better plane of existence would be something to answer for when it was too late to act.

Friends? Those can be replaced. There is no use for a friend who behaves like an enemy.

Family? Those can't be replaced, but again, if they behave like an enemy, what good are they? And what real justification do they have for behaving like an enemy over something like this? This is a condition, in my case. I didn't choose it, I didn't ask for it, and it affected my life negatively to the point I sought medical intervention. If they begrudge me that to keep up appearances, they can shove it where the sun don't shine.

Society? What do I owe society that can't be paid after transition as before?

+1 for that.

[Lisa89125]

I question why I bother. Or even why I exist in the first place to carry this heavy burden... Recently I've been thinking a lot about "what would make this successful?" as in my transition... I guess I think "success" (what does that even mean?) would somehow justify my transition and even my existence. Mostly though I think I just want to be accepted and respected. I don't feel like I "belong" in my family and never have. I guess it's worth my time to try to find somewhere I do belong though..

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Funny, I have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings the last couple weeks. I am seriously questioning why I am even bothering to transition? I receive nothing by grief over wanting to transition and live as a woman from my family. I struggle to see the girl within on some days as  I feel I am never going to actually transition and be able to live my life as myself.

My entire life I have never felt like I "belong" in my family either. I have struggled with those feeling for as long as I can remember. I have always felt I should be somewhere else.

Lisa

[Allison S]

Funny, I have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings the last couple weeks. I am seriously questioning why I am even bothering to transition? I receive nothing by grief over wanting to transition and live as a woman from my family. I struggle to see the girl within on some days as  I feel I am never going to actually transition and be able to live my life as myself.

My entire life I have never felt like I "belong" in my family either. I have struggled with those feeling for as long as I can remember. I have always felt I should be somewhere else.

Lisa

Oh it's not easy. I just try to focus on other things in my life and realizing that "family" isn't always what it's supposed to be. My family makes me feel even more like a fraud trying to be a "woman". It's enough I live in fear of that from strangers or retaliation. There's just no real support and that does hurt. I mean besides my doctor and therapist. I'm trying to move out and get a full time job. For some reason I'm just lacking that drive and I don't know why I'm feeling so hopeless... Is my identity so tied to my immediate family? Or even the values and ideals we were raised with?
I still don't know what life I can make for myself yet...

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[Charlie Nicki]

The thought has probably crossed my mind but it doesn't stay too long. This is just what I have to do, this is just who I am. Why? I have no idea. I don't even know what drives me to keep going, it's like a natural force inside of me pushing me to keep going and live my truth and find happiness. Probably just like other people pursue their passion and dreams no matter how many times they fail, until they finally make it.

Is it difficult? Heck yeah it is, all the time. Do I wish I was cis? I've thought about it a million times. But there's nothing I can do except live the best version of the life I was given.

[Lisa89125]

Oh it's not easy. I just try to focus on other things in my life and realizing that "family" isn't always what it's supposed to be. My family makes me feel even more like a fraud trying to be a "woman". It's enough I live in fear of that from strangers or retaliation. There's just no real support and that does hurt. I mean besides my doctor and therapist. I'm trying to move out and get a full time job. For some reason I'm just lacking that drive and I don't know why I'm feeling so hopeless... Is my identity so tied to my immediate family? Or even the values and ideals we were raised with?
I still don't know what life I can make for myself yet...

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Allison, I am struggling with the exact same issues. I don't have any support from my family and have all but lost all my friends at this point. I don't know why being transgender presents such a barrier to people?

Quote,

"I'm trying to move out and get a full time job. For some reason I'm just lacking that drive and I don't know why I'm feeling so hopeless... Is my identity so tied to my immediate family? Or even the values and ideals we were raised with?
I still don't know what life I can make for myself yet..."

This is so true for me right now. My frustration levels are at an all time high. I also feel hopeless and trapped in my current situation. I worry about what kind of life I might have and wonder what I can make out of this life for myself? It's nothing short of stressful.

Lisa

[Jessica_Rose]

I have been extremely lucky. I have not lost any friends that matter, and all of my family accepted me. As difficult as I think my journey has been, I can't imagine how difficult this is for those who get little or no support from their friends and family. I think for the most part people simply don't understand why anyone would want to do this, or their religious beliefs get in the way of accepting those of us who are different. Some people do pay a very high price to transition, but living as ones true self is priceless.

I like this lyric from 'King of Anything' by Sara Bareilles:

"All my life I've tried to make everyone happy, while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide."

We all deserve to have happiness in our lives. We just have to decide when we are going to seek it out, and what we are willing to sacrifice. When I made my decision I knew it could cost me everyone I love, but I knew it was the only path which would save my life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Lisa89125]

I have been extremely lucky. I have not lost any friends that matter, and all of my family accepted me. As difficult as I think my journey has been, I can't imagine how difficult this is for those who get little or no support from their friends and family. I think for the most part people simply don't understand why anyone would want to do this, or their religious beliefs get in the way of accepting those of us who are different. Some people do pay a very high price to transition, but living as ones true self is priceless.

I like this lyric from 'King of Anything' by Sara Bareilles:

"All my life I've tried to make everyone happy, while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide."

We all deserve to have happiness in our lives. We just have to decide when we are going to seek it out, and what we are willing to sacrifice. When I made my decision I knew it could cost me everyone I love, but I knew it was the only path which would save my life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Hi Jessica, You are very lucky. For some of us we are very unfortunate.

I like this lyric from 'King of Anything' by Sara Bareilles:

"All my life I've tried to make everyone happy, while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide."

I really like that song. I was thinking it could be one of the anthems for some of us. I know for myself I have felt every bit of her lyrics for way too long.

I have always been caught between pleasing everyone else and doing what is right for me. Everything just seems to get harder by the day for me right now. And all the while I am left feeling that if I took my own life not a soul in the world would even care. No one would ever miss me or even care that I am long gone. In fact in my darkest hours I feel the world would be better off if I just didn't exist. This is the unfortunate reality I have to deal with right now.

I am left questioning whether or not it's even worth transitioning. I can't shake the feeling of being a fraud in trying to be a woman. I feel even worse when my sister injects her comments and opinions into the matter.

Lisa

[Marcieelizabeth]

I do have occasional moments where I think that this must be the craziest thing I have done in my life.  Wouldn't it have been simpler just to carry on the way I was?

Those moments happen when I stop thinking about why I am doing it.

I quickly come to my senses and remember exactly why I do it.  I remember the decades of not being able to be myself.  And I think of what my future would have held if I had not transitioned: a probably inevitable slide into depression, and who knows what kind of end.

Kathy Lauren, this is perfectly how I feel!  Thank You for helping me feel less alone in that! 

Marcie