Positive experiences with coming out at work

[blackcat]

I wanted to make a happy thread because I swear I'm not as angsty as I sound around here sometimes. 

One of the scariest things for me about transitioning was coming out at work. I work for a small company, so there's no HR, and I live in a fire at will state. Also the nature of my employment means I will have to tell every client individually, face to face, that I am #)($*@)#($@)#(*$etcetc and those clients have the freedom to never book with me again. My income, and therefore life, dangles on whether or not they stick with me or go to someone else after THE NEWS.

There is one correlation I have noticed about people who are accepting of me and those who were not - those with anti-racist attitudes have been awesome, and those with inbred backwoods attitudes, not so much. If I learned anything so far, it's that I should have paid much closer attention to who was racist and who wasn't, and planned coming out according to that.

Anyway! I was TERRIFIED to come out at work, and my job has actually become my stronghold. Everyone has been accepting times a million.

I felt like I was going to throw up all over myself the day I went to my boss. I would stay awake at night and replay over and over in my head how I was planning on coming out to her. Finally, the day it happened, I basically shrank up against the wall in her room, recoiled for the blow and incoherently babbled, "I have to take testosterone! I can't not take it. I have to!"

[Not what I had rehearsed for months at all.]

She was just like, "It's okay," trying to calm me down. She was cool about my name change, asked when I wanted to start, how I wanted to tell clients, coworkers.

My coworkers were all so respectful and sweet about it. Almost everyone has someone LGBT in the family somewhere, so no one was surprised by what a transgender person is. Some people asked questions, but they weren't invasive or ill-meaning. It was such a relief.

Telling clients was what I had TONS of anxiety about. Especially because I had to tell each one individually. I've told about 2/3 of them, and no one has left me yet. I told them I'm starting to use my new name in the new year (easy to remember!), but a few of them have been using my new name anyway, so I know where my hardcore allies are.

I had to tell two clients who I wasn't sure how they would react today. The first one said, "So you get to be more of you, right?" And she was happy for me. The other one slapped a hand against her chest and was like, "Oh my god, I thought you were going to say you were leaving. I'm glad you're not leaving!"

So people... really... are cool.

If anyone is in a situation where they have to come out to clients, I stumbled over words and put my foot in my mouth big time with the first few people I told. I've felt most comfortable giving the information at the end of the appointment, and keeping it short and sweet. My script format is now basically, "I'm changing my name to X, because I am transitioning. Same service, same hours, same everything else."

And, since I have felt so much better since starting HRT, I've been able to kill it at work, and was even promoted. So if anyone is scared about coming out at work, I wanted to share a happy story. 

[Quinn]

 It is very comforting to hear positive posts about transition it helps brighten the day

Sometimes posts like this can help someone that might be feeling down

Thank you for sharing that with all of us

[Lisa_K]

This was really nice to read because it was a happy story. Thanks for sharing your milestone with us that I'm sure having one less thing to worry about is a big load off your shoulders so kudos for killing it and moving toward where you want to be.

In my early 20's I had to come out once at a place I'd worked at for close to two years and know how anxious and terrified I was but it was a little different for me. I worked in the corporate office's accounting department and the HR manager was a friend of mine. I knew her husband and all the other gals in the office and their husbands as Friday night happy hours with the gang were a regular thing. Nobody had a clue that I was a girl that had boy parts that were stifling and crippling my life.

That was a pretty dark and desperate time for me. I was depressed and suicidal and I felt my situation for ever being able to pay for surgery was hopeless and that I was at the end of my rope or was to shortly be swinging from one? I thought seriously about bank robbery. Out of desperation because my job meant everything to me too and they were the last people I wanted to know and at the urging of my mother, as a last ditch hail Mary I came out to my HR manager friend about my problem to see if there was any way she could get our group insurance to help me? To her, I was just a girl with an awkward physical problem she had no lack of understanding why or how badly I needed to correct.

She promised discretion and my privacy and to do everything she could but did involve the company president in her efforts. Both of them worked their butts off on my behalf and it took something like six months or more and tons of back and forth with the insurance company and multiple different doctors that were trying to help me until they finally agreed on the medical necessity of my procedure and to paying for the reasonable and customary charges. They said it was the first time they'd ever covered something like this and had no idea what reasonably and customary charges were but pretty much covered everything after my deductible which was only a couple hundred dollars. I think I may have had to pay for transportation too but I don't remember? This was around 1976 and like most everything in my life it seems, was somewhat remarkable.

I took six weeks off of work and when I returned the other girls in the office and the executives had a little welcome back thing for me. They had decorated my desk, we had cake and 41½ years later I still have the card they all signed in my box of treasures. They knew I was having surgery to fix some "female trouble" but I have no idea if word had leaked out what kind or if everyone knew everything but nobody ever said anything or treated me any differently than I always had been. I worked there another two years and had plenty more Friday night happy hours before taking an office manager job with another company.

My story was a happy one too! May the rest of your journey go as well as it sounds like you're off to a great start!

[blackcat]

Lisa, that's an amazing story! Thank you for sharing and I'm so happy that you had that experience.

I love positive transitioning stories. No one's transition is easy, and sometimes the bumps in the road can hit so hard that it's easy to start expecting rejection. I know I need to take every reminder not to expect rejection that I can get. 

[Alice (nym)]

This is nice and reassuring. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I've been thinking a lot recently about coming out. I was out with my wife for a long time but she was the only person. I came out to my GP only a couple of months ago and I am obviously out with the transgroup I meet up with... but that is all.