Here's one for you...
So, I've been slowly coming out in all aspects of my life. I'm not an announcement-oriented sort of fellow so I just let the people who needed to know, know, and then went about my transition. It's been about a year since I started presenting male in public, and 9 months on T. My coworkers have been cool and everyone gets to give me space and just let me exist without making a big fuss. Most people have no problem using my name since it's close to my old one anyhow. They just thought it was a nickname at first anyway. Pronouns are touch-and-go, but I nudge people when I need to (it's just where I live there are lots of butch women and some people get confused and think I'm one of them).
Anyhow...
There's one organization I work with that tries to be progressive, but usually falls short of its own expectations. They put on a good show of being open and accepting, but have gotten complaints for having prejudices they can't seem to get past and a very narrow culture. But since they're a progressive themed organization in a very liberal-seeming city, they think they're immune to issues.
Once they started "noticing" my gender, things got weird. One of the guys there asked my pronouns (cool) and then proceeded to make a joke that I'll be pleased to know the team has decided not to call me "it." I told him he will not make that joke again, ever. He told me it's okay because he works for a progressive company in a liberal city, so obviously he's not a bigot... Awesome.
So then, same organization-- I'm at a meeting and one cis woman starts talking to me, and by my voice she suddenly notices that I'm not cis. Her voice gets all tense and she breaks eye contact with me and starts looking nervous. I'm like, pfff, whatever. Then everyone does introductions at the start of the meeting and she gets this righteous look on her face, stands at attention and announces her pronouns.
Like, no one else was doing pronouns. She just announces hers in this loud, righteous voice, and you could totally see like an American flag waving behind her and a light glowing on her face, she was so filled with righteousness. Then she glances at me briefly and sits down.
So, cool. Guess she wanted to be helpful. But now she won't look at or talk to me again.
It gets better...
After the meeting, someone from the organization contacts me and AGAIN asks my pronouns. My friend, we've been through this... and then tells me they're going to do pronouns at the start of all meetings because someone complained.
So now I'm told I'll have to make a big fuss and basically out myself at every meeting (not my thing). I'm am the only visibly trans person in this group. I think I may be the only trans person in their orbit, period. I wouldn't blame other trans folk for steering clear because they are Portlandia level WEIRD.
I told them I didn't want to announce my pronouns at every meeting, but they said that the lady who announced hers was concerned and had a "meeting" about me. Yesch! So, I told them that they need to actually ask the person/people they're looking to "help." Also, I pointed out that I felt so unwelcome in their bathrooms that I use the starbucks before meeting with them, so there's that?
I get the whole pronoun announcement thing, and it's benefits, but in this context, I'll take a hard pass.
Fun times.
