Thanks everyone so much for the awesome feedback on this! And listening to my honest and genuine concerns and feelings. I'm actually going to reply to each of you below:
@Kristeneklund7 I will do some more research on that! Honestly, my biggest fear that I understand is that I'll decide it isn't right due to social isolation, then have to go get breast-reduction surgery or something like that to pass as a man again. But, from what you're saying, it sounds like the permanent breast tissue may be more manageable than I thought. So, perhaps it isn't something I really need to worry about. I'll read about it more.
@dee82 It's good know you can relate to the parent thing, as I think most of us can, even though it's not necessarily a pleasant thing to face, and it's something we will be dealing with probably our entire lives. I feel like I have faced so much of it, this is something that ought not be a concern. I know what you mean about buyer's remorse. The reality of it is, I think, anything can change, including our feelings, at any time, and we can't always predict when that will happen. I do not think anything is permanent.
@ChrissyRyan Your post really made me review my motivations for going forward, and that is a very good thing. Thank you. I've been studying this since I was a kid. But, since I was never really serious about moving forward until now, there is still a LOT I don't know and much more research left to do (especially considering a lot has changed in the last decade). As far as thinking about it goes, I feel like I've been thinking about it since I was 14, and I am almost 100% certain it's the direction I wish to head. That said, you may be right that working through my doubts as much as possible before proceeding anyway is still wise. I am certainly going to make this the main topic of discussion with my therapist in the coming weeks and going forward. I've spent many hours in therapy with the topic, but I still don't feel like my doubts are resolved as much as I'd like them to be. I think there is a point though where a degree of doubt is inevitable as with any big life decision. I'm also planning to reach out to a support group here in the city I live in to meet in person with others. And, with the testing things out in a supervised environment, my doctor here in the US allows for that, though you have to be more serious than just experimenting. And I think, it needs to be extremely clear HRT is likely to benefit you. Thanks for your thoughts!
@Maid Marion It sounds like we're sort of on the same page with the diet and exercise! Good for you! And that's a good suggestion. I've been doing voice training for the last 7 weeks and it is going quite well, and I've tried the walk, too. You do not know (or might, ha ha) how tempting it is to just break out into my feminine walk all the time...but..alas..I am afraid of how others will react
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@Devlyn I agree that's an ideal position to be in, and I'd like to be. But, I don't think it's a requirement for medications at least where I live. Or perhaps, my doctor just has a different philosophy. You do have to prove that HRT is extremely likely to help you, though, and be talking to a therapist. After reading comments and reviewing my post, I think the main concern for me is just not passing and fear of how others will see me. I do not see any reason not to move forward despite this doubt, though. What are the main concerns of doing so, in your experience, if any? The fact that I want to live as a woman is not in question for me. I think, again, the only reason I I'm worried I'll regret it is because of the impact i'm concerned it may have on my social life, which I've worked very hard to improve already. I realize this probably isn't rational, but does that make sense? My saying I know it will feel really darn good is based on, as you suggested, years of trying it
, though in isolated, irregular instances (cross-dressing, voice training) and not on an ongoing basis. I may take your suggestion and try to work up the courage to do it continuously though asap. I know it isn't all peaches and cream and didn't mean to communicate that that's how I view it. I am hoping that the positive feelings, increased relaxation and comfort with myself will outweigh any additional difficulty. And I'm confident that will be the case, based on my experience so far. But if these doubts about passing and social isolation, ideally, need to be resolved before continuing, I have a lot more thinking to do, and that's ok. Your comments are very helpful to me, thank you.
@Alice (nym) That's pretty much how I feel! I am really tired of feeling the incredibly strong desire to transition, then convincing myself it isn't right, then going through that cycle all over again later. It will just keep happening, and I'm tired of it. Ah yes! That's such a good saying, and I think, again, fears are inevitable. This doesn't mean you ought not to pursue your dreams.
@pamelatransuk Yep, that's very similar to where I'm at with it now, what you just described. I'm 100% sure it's right for me, just have the jitters about social isolation, which, I didn't realize until after writing my op. And you're probably right, I'll experience similar things and decide without a doubt to continue. Good luck to you as well! And thanks for the good vibes!
@Dietlind Yes! Thanks for sharing, you did! Ha ha. I love what you said about feeble being a mindset. I've experienced this. So, you can sort of relate to the auto-immune thing, it sounds like. It is really good to hear that all of this manageable with diet and exercise, and confirms what I've been thinking about it. Good for you! I am really glad to hear all of that.
Wow. I'm very grateful for all of your support, and being willing to listen to my long-winded ruminating xD. Seems like the next steps are to address my fears head on with my therapist, consider going ahead and living as a woman now, reach out to support groups in person, and keep moving forward.
I hope to continue getting to know you all
. Have a good week!
-<3 Hannah
