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Does everyone go through the "Maybe I shouldn't do this" phase during hrt/transi

Started by Lexi Nexi, November 08, 2018, 05:34:28 AM

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AnneK

QuoteApparently someone thought I could be trusted.  :)

I'm sure someone will catch that error, sooner or later.   ;)
I'm a 65 year old male who has been thinking about SRS for many years.  I also was a  full cross dresser for a few years.  I wear a bra, pantyhose and nail polish daily because it just feels right.

Started HRT April 17, 2019.
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NatalieRene

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Lexi Nexi

Quote from: NatalieRene on November 17, 2018, 03:47:30 PM
Two weeks is fast. You might start to have some changes but for me it wasn't noticeable until around a month.

I don't have a bunch of photos from before but here is one of me before on the left and after about a year later.
https://imgur.com/a/GD9CzwH

These are from 3 months on HRT.
https://imgur.com/a/cKLrEXa


Nice I notice the same things in my face like in the top pic in your second link. My cheeks look different and jaw has less fat. My nose is slightly narrower too if I look real close. Honestly I am very curious about strangers noticing after two weeks the body, even healing after an injury, doesn't change that fast and going from male to female takes a LOT of big changes both in magnitude and in places on the body. For me its a double edge sword because if for some reason I don't want to transition to female or want to go back to a man, the mental benefits of the estrogen are too great for me to stop taking, and I don't think the body changes would fully reverse, the doctor warned me about that and made sure I was aware when she saw me changing. Plus I don't think I could ever have kids. There's no sperm anymore.
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AnneK

Quoteand I don't think the body changes would fully reverse

Here's some info from Rainbow Health, in Toronto, about this.  According to them only breast growth is permanent, though sterility, etc. are "variable".

https://www.rainbowhealthontario.ca/TransHealthGuide/pdf/fem-ht-expectedeffectsguide.pdf
I'm a 65 year old male who has been thinking about SRS for many years.  I also was a  full cross dresser for a few years.  I wear a bra, pantyhose and nail polish daily because it just feels right.

Started HRT April 17, 2019.
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Devlyn

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Kylo

To me if someone didn't have any doubts would raise more flags than if they did. It's sensible to think carefully about any major decision and consider the costs. Never sensible to dive into something without thinking.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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Lexi Nexi

Quote from: Kylo on November 18, 2018, 04:28:12 PM
To me if someone didn't have any doubts would raise more flags than if they did. It's sensible to think carefully about any major decision and consider the costs. Never sensible to dive into something without thinking.

Thank you that makes me feel better. Like if you are going into a dangerous situation and you are not scared your probably going to get killed or hurt.
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TonyaW

I had wanted to transition for as long as I can remember.  No doubts or second thoughts once I figured out I needed to as well.

That was a little over 2 years ago, HRT for 21 months now.

54 years of doubt up to that point.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

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ChrissyRyan

Quote from: TonyaW on November 19, 2018, 06:29:54 AM
I had wanted to transition for as long as I can remember.  No doubts or second thoughts once I figured out I needed to as well.

That was a little over 2 years ago, HRT for 21 months now.

54 years of doubt up to that point.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

I still think at times I should not transition more, but the feeling is being countered with a stronger transitioning drive.

For seven or eight months my dysphoria has been growing.  Many weeks I can be satisfied with both my fluid genders but there is no doubt now my female feelings are clearly overpowering my maleness most days.  My body continues to slowly feminize and I find that delightful.  I can still dress and present male or somewhat androgynously and I feel okay about that but as my breasts and hips grow, I want to emphasize that a little at least with my clothes.  After all, I am a woman.

This is not a burning need to crossdress as much as wanting to present as a woman with the appropriate female wardrobe because I am a woman inside, so why not on the outside?  It just seems to be the more natural thing to do now.  It is hard to describe exactly beyond that.  I love the feminine clothes, for sure, but I just seem to be more comfortable physically and in my mind when I wear one of my blouses, for example.  I want people to see me as a woman.

It is sometimes just hard to put into words exactly how this dysphoria goes far beyond clothing choices.  I am not in the right body, yet.   I want my mind and body to be congruent.

On the other hand, hair removal with laser and electrolysis is not something I look forward to doing.  I am okay with shaving.  That feeling too may change!

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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HappyMoni

@ChrissyRyan read your own post. I think it is clear what direction you want to go.
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

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SonadoraXVX

Mmmm, nah. As a guy I was always angry at the world, up to my 44th year of life. Nobody, but nobody got close to me, not even my former military teammates, just one adventurous female got inside my wire(at 42 years old,curses, lol). Now 6 years on hrt, shes still with me, through thick and thin, I'm alot easier on the eyes and alot more laid back personality wise, still standoffish, but non threatening now.

I said screw it, things are not getting better,  so why not, just dive into it already, I've done alot of research into it already(30 years worth, before hrt).

When you know, you know.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

To know thyself is to be blessed, but to know others is to prevent supreme headaches
Sun Tzu said it best, "To know thyself is half the battle won, but to know yourself and the enemy, is to win 100% of the battles".



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KathyLauren

Quote from: SonadoraXVX on December 08, 2018, 07:55:24 AM
Mmmm, nah. As a guy I was always angry at the world, up to my 44th year of life. Nobody, but nobody got close to me, not even my former military teammates, just one adventurous female got inside my wire(at 42 years old,curses, lol). Now 6 years on hrt, shes still with me, through thick and thin, I'm alot easier on the eyes and alot more laid back personality wise, still standoffish, but non threatening now.

I said screw it, things are not getting better,  so why not, just dive into it already, I've done alot of research into it already(30 years worth, before hrt).

When you know, you know.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

I think those of us who transition later in life in a sense have it easier.  We have lived through the doubts.  We know, from decades of bitter experience, exactly what "What if I don't transition?" feels like.  So, when we get to the point of "Screw it, things are not getting better", we just dive right in and get it done.

I feel for the younger folks who can't know what decades of dysphoria feels like.  (Spoiler alert:  It sucks!)
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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