Using public restrooms.

[Lisa89125]

I almost got up the courage to use the ladies room while out shopping. Just as I was heading into the restroom a little girl sitting in a shopping cart said your a boy out loud. Thanks you little brat.  Ended up cowardly going into the guys restroom. I got more than a few strange looks.  I was dressed in a short skirt and a girl cut pink tee with my handbag.

I guess some even teach their kids how to spot us out in the real world or I'm just over thinking everything. I was most of the time gendered correctly for a change up till that point. Now it might be a long time before I get up the courage to try again.

Lisa

[Arianna Valentine]

You know I can honestly say that I still have problems using the restroom in public I think it's because we spend so long programming ourselves that boy body goes to boys room and that's a problem we shouldn't have to think that way we are women even if our bodies do not agree we are women and I do have some places to wear a lot of people know me and know that I'm transitioning and don't mind that I use the ladies room like where I get my prescriptions filled I've walked into the restroom or been heading towards the restroom and one of the pharmacist will be walking into the restroom and she won't the door for me and ask me how I'm doing today but yes it is very tough especially when a little kid calls you out but if your profile photo is how you look normally I don't see how anybody could see you as a guy you look completely feminine to me

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[Lynne]

This whole restroom deal is blown out of proportion by uneducated people and it makes our lives a lot harder than it needs to be.
I don't even know why do we need gendered restrooms at all. Stalls have doors with locks, people go in the restroom to do their business behind those closed doors, so nobody can see anything inappropriate anyway.

[Arianna Valentine]

This whole restroom deal is blown out of proportion by uneducated people and it makes our lives a lot harder than it needs to be.
I don't even know why do we need gendered restrooms at all. Stalls have doors with locks, people go in the restroom to do their business behind those closed doors, so nobody can see anything inappropriate anyway.

Honestly I don't think it's only uneducated people it's the perverts that go in there that are not transgender that like to dress up as women and put cameras in the Stalls and try to rape women and all this other >-bleeped-< they're the ones that make us look bad they're the reasons why we're uncomfortable using the ladies were like we're supposed to

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[Lisa89125]

The hard part is living in a state that is unfriendly toward trans people. NC had the big HB2 battle. HB2 created a lot of media attention. All this attention created a bit of hostile environment for transgender people in NC.

Lisa

[Arianna Valentine]

The hard part is living in a state that is unfriendly toward trans people. NC had the big HB2 battle. HB2 created a lot of media attention. All this attention created a bit of hostile environment for transgender people in NC.

Lisa

I can't even imagine the state I live in generally is accepting transgender and LGBT people I live in Kentucky

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[IAmM]

Restrooms are a major concern.

It should only be a concern for us but it was made an issue and now there is contention with non trans people where before there was none.

My personal opinion, if you are accepted you belong. Be a girl though please. It can feel incredibly invasive having someone who is not even trying to be female in the bathroom. I say this and I know that I will go to the Keystone Conference next year and find toilet seats up in the ladies room. I have seen ladies nervous and uncomfortable in the women's restroom. Not fun and should never happen.
  It is unfortunate that the child outed you though, it sounds like you are at the juncture where it is time to move away from the land of urinals. It gets easier. One day you will not even question which restroom to use and neither will anyone else. I understand your fear though. It got to the point when men were climbing into the urinal when I walked in. Had them practically screeching that this was the men's room and finally had an usher chase me into the men's room, 'Ma'am, ma'am, the ladies room is across the hall!' Before I went to the women's bathroom.
  The child is not to blame, but should also not be a deterrent from going into the ladies room next time. It is a process, and this is just one of many steps.

[Jessica_Rose]

I have never had an issue using public restrooms, although it was a bit intimidating walking through that door the first few times! Don't hesitate, be confident. Don't act like you are supposed to be there, KNOW you are supposed to be there. Go in, do your business as a lady (sit), then wash up and leave.

Some children seem to have x-ray vision and can clock us when most of the world accepts us, just ignore them.

If you are presenting as a woman, the safest place for you is the ladies room.

I saw a video recently where someone pointed out that the number of US Congressmen convicted of crimes in public restrooms is far greater than the number of transgender folks who have been convicted (as far as I know this number is ZERO).

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I say this and I know that I will go to the Keystone Conference next year and find toilet seats up in the ladies room.

If it helps, janitors will often leave the seat up after they clean, I think it's so they can quickly tell if the bathroom has been used since the previous time they went there. I work in a heavily male environment so I often find the seat up in the ladies room.

And as to the OP's point. What helped me was having an accepting workplace. I got so used to using the ladies room there that when I'm out and about I don't even think about it. It's all about "knowing" that you belong there.

[IAmM]

I can't even imagine the state I live in generally is accepting transgender and LGBT people I live in Kentucky

I know what you mean about Kentucky. My family has land outside of Keltner in Adair County for as long as I can remember. I think the original intent was to farm the land but no one ever did, we lease it out but for the original house on the property. Seriously, most standoffish and at the same time friendliest people that I have ever met. Damn those chiggers though.
  It may be tough but, they accept their own right? Come whatever may. I went back last summer and no one even noticed I was trans, but no one recognized me either so that kinda sucked.

[IAmM]

If it helps, janitors will often leave the seat up after they clean, I think it's so they can quickly tell if the bathroom has been used since the previous time they went there. I work in a heavily male environment so I often find the seat up in the ladies room.

And as to the OP's point. What helped me was having an accepting workplace. I got so used to using the ladies room there that when I'm out and about I don't even think about it. It's all about "knowing" that you belong there.

I can see that happening. Not the case here I wouldn't think, the place is packed and no one is cleaning the bathroom at 1 pm when girls have been going in and out for the last hour and the bathroom is still full. Honestly, I saw it happen waaaaay too many times those three days to be the janitorial staff. I am not blaming anyone but really, don't you think that being a dude in the ladies room hurts us all?

[KathyLauren]

I have never had a problem using the women's washroom since I started presenting as female.  The first time was after a support group session in the city (an hour and a half drive away).  I was on my way home, dressed in a nice skirt, and I felt the call of nature.  This was before spiro, but I probably had had some coffee at the group or something.

I pulled over at a truck stop.  Hell will freeze over before I go into a men's room in a skirt.  I figured I'd be a whole lot safer in the women's room.  So, I boldly walked into the ladies' like I'd done it a million times before.  Luckily for me, no one else was in there.

It has been uneventful ever since.  When I was part-time, I used the ladies' when presenting as female, and the men's when presenting as male.  Now, it is the ladies' room every time.  I have learned to carry on conversations in there.  In the concert band, where everyone knows that I am trans, all the woman go in a group at the break, and I am included.

[Linde]

Honestly I don't think it's only uneducated people it's the perverts that go in there that are not transgender that like to dress up as women and put cameras in the Stalls and try to rape women and all this other >-bleeped-< they're the ones that make us look bad they're the reasons why we're uncomfortable using the ladies were like we're supposed to

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

You don't really mean this, do you?  How often does that happen?  Do you know a single definite  case?

If so, perverts must run rampage in the US and not in Europe. Many countries there, Belgium as an example, have mostly unisex bathrooms, and they are even equipped with urinals.  Men stand at the urinal, women walk by and use a stall!  Nobody cares, and nobody seems to install cameras!

[Arianna Valentine]

You don't really mean this, do you?  How often does that happen?  Do you know a single definite  case?

If so, perverts must run rampage in the US and not in Europe. Many countries there, Belgium as an example, have mostly unisex bathrooms, and they are even equipped with urinals.  Men stand at the urinal, women walk by and use a stall!  Nobody cares, and nobody seems to install cameras!

Not That I've seen the us doesn't have a lot of unisex bathrooms unless they're family bathrooms

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[Lisa89125]

Restrooms are a major concern.

It should only be a concern for us but it was made an issue and now there is contention with non trans people where before there was none.

My personal opinion, if you are accepted you belong. Be a girl though please. It can feel incredibly invasive having someone who is not even trying to be female in the bathroom. I say this and I know that I will go to the Keystone Conference next year and find toilet seats up in the ladies room. I have seen ladies nervous and uncomfortable in the women's restroom. Not fun and should never happen.
  It is unfortunate that the child outed you though, it sounds like you are at the juncture where it is time to move away from the land of urinals. It gets easier. One day you will not even question which restroom to use and neither will anyone else. I understand your fear though. It got to the point when men were climbing into the urinal when I walked in. Had them practically screeching that this was the men's room and finally had an usher chase me into the men's room, 'Ma'am, ma'am, the ladies room is across the hall!' Before I went to the women's bathroom.
  The child is not to blame, but should also not be a deterrent from going into the ladies room next time. It is a process, and this is just one of many steps.

The annoying child in the cart was stationed outside the bathroom entrances as the mom had gone in to do her business. Leaving the kid alone in the cart didn't seem very smart to me. We've had a rash of kidnappings lately. Xmas is the silly season and all the weirdos come out of the wood work.

Lisa

[CarlyMcx]

I used men's restrooms past the point where I should have stopped.  I reached the point where guys were staring at me even when I wore a baggy men's T shirt over skinny jeans, ponytail and no makeup.

Children can be problematic because they have no filter and they tend to call things as they see them.  I was in a supermarket line with my wife last week.  I looked pretty passable but a little girl in line with her mother ahead of me heard my voice and she really started staring at me.

Don't let being called out by a child trouble you.  Just take a moment or two, regroup, and go on with your business.

[Arianna Valentine]

I know what you mean about Kentucky. My family has land outside of Keltner in Adair County for as long as I can remember. I think the original intent was to farm the land but no one ever did, we lease it out but for the original house on the property. Seriously, most standoffish and at the same time friendliest people that I have ever met. Damn those chiggers though.
  It may be tough but, they accept their own right? Come whatever may. I went back last summer and no one even noticed I was trans, but no one recognized me either so that kinda sucked.

Well I've lived here my whole life the area that I live at now when I first moved here in prison mail when I started transitioning one person asked to my older brother about it and that was it I've been accepted by everybody and you're right Kentucky has some of the nicest people at least as far as I know

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[KimOct]

Aceof Diamonds - Please don't let this discourage you.  IMHO going into a men's room when you are wearing women's clothing is crazy.  You are presenting as a woman - you belong in the women's restroom.

I have not been in a men's room since the day I transitioned.  I don't pass all the time not even close.  I have been using only the women's restroom for almost 2 years.

In all honesty I was nervous after first, especially the first 5 or 10 times.  Eventually you get used to it and the nerves go away.  Just walk in like you belong there - do your business and walk out. 

I can't even imagine going in the men's room anymore and I used to be nervous like you are.

As for the kids - yep they have no filter.  Two options - either just ignore them or - say I used to be a boy but I changed and I'm a girl now.  Why not?  It's true.

The problem is not the kid it is that you don't feel as though you should be in there.  That is what has to change.

Read my signature line below.

[dee82]

I have learned to carry on conversations in there.

Kathy, this is the second time, people here have said you actually may need to talk in the restrooms.

Not having used the Ladies yet, I am left wondering how common that is, and what sort of small talk goes on?

I want to be prepared.

~Dee.

[KimOct]

Honestly I don't think it's only uneducated people it's the perverts that go in there that are not transgender that like to dress up as women and put cameras in the Stalls and try to rape women and all this other >-bleeped-< they're the ones that make us look bad they're the reasons why we're uncomfortable using the ladies were like we're supposed to

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

Arianna - I am disappointed to read this.  There are no documented incidents of straight cis men dressing as women to sneak into a women's restroom to molest women or girls.  This is B.S. from bigots that is meant to scare people and shove us back into the closet where they want us.

I ask that you share a link from a reputable news source documenting one case of this happening.

Just use common sense.  What straight cis guy would be caught dead wearing a dress??  Seriously?? 

If someone wants to molest someone they are just going to do it - not put on a dress as a disguise and look what they think is ridiculous to try to pass as a woman and sneak into a restroom. 

This is an idiotic position that is promoted by bigots.  Please don't believe that stuff.