It took decades years to come out

[GordonG]

Gordon, if that avatar picture is you, I don't know how much more you plan o look like a girl!
I see a really pretty girl there!

Thank you. What you say is true however be aware that that picture was taken after a professional make over and then ran through FaceApp. Believe me, if you saw me right now as I type this, you wouldn't believe it was the same person. Except I wear that necklace full time. That is why I'm comfortable publishing it on the web.

[Linde]

Thank you. What you say is true however be aware that that picture was taken after a professional make over and then ran through FaceApp. Believe me, if you saw me right now as I type this, you wouldn't believe it was the same person. Except I wear that necklace full time. That is why I'm comfortable publishing it on the web.

I don't think that face up changes your bony structure of the face.  it takes blemishes and wrinkles away (like it did for my avatar), but the basic face remains the same.  I look exactly like I look in that avatar, just with way more wrinkles.

Therefore, I believe that your face is very feminin, and with a little work on it, you will be a very pretty girl!

[GordonG]

I don't think that face up changes your bony structure of the face.  it takes blemishes and wrinkles away (like it did for my avatar), but the basic face remains the same.  I look exactly like I look in that avatar, just with way more wrinkles.

Therefore, I believe that your face is very feminin, and with a little work on it, you will be a very pretty girl!

Thank you, you are very kind. My wife says that FaceApp made my face more slender. I'm a big guy at 6ft and 250 ish pounds.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Zoey, and welcome! 

So much of your story sounds familiar to me.  I came out at age 61 and started transitioning two years ago.  I am 64 now.  I am glad that you and your wife are planning to remain friends, and that she supports you even if she cannot remain married to you.

[Linde]

Thank you, you are very kind. My wife says that FaceApp made my face more slender. I'm a big guy at 6ft and 250 ish pounds.

Just a little more than I.  I am also 6', but am starting tto slowly creep below 200 (I think I am close to 198 or so).  My goal is between 175 and 180.

I have a rather slender face by nature, and have to watch it that I don't look like a starving person.
But I still don't think that face app changes the actual facial structure.  And yours appears to me to be very feminin!

[Zoey421]

Just a little more than I.  I am also 6', but am starting tto slowly creep below 200 (I think I am close to 198 or so).  My goal is between 175 and 180.

I have a rather slender face by nature, and have to watch it that I don't look like a starving person.
But I still don't think that face app changes the actual facial structure.  And yours appears to me to be very feminin!

Thank you, Lind. I'm 5'8" and 180lbs currently. I can wear size 10 women's pants and tops range between L and XL or size 12 (or 10 if cut properly). I have finer boned features than many men, but I don't like my smile ... lopsided it is probably from micro strokes I am told, but nothing serious. Plus, my teeth are quite stained.

That said, I have received compliments from women in the stores where I have shopped. Two women salespersons commented on my scarf today and the salesperson at Aritzia liked my style ... men's skinny jeans, white crew neck bodysuit, suede booties, and a blue men's cardigan tuck at the front. I was really surprised and happy by that. She even asked if I wanted to work at the store! For the record, I am not giving my up President and CEO job at a small charity to work at Aritzia. It just feels nice to be recognized.

Hugs Zoey

[Zoey421]

Zoey

Welcome to Susan's!

We share a lot of the same history growing up. Especially about the clothing. I too thought that men should be able to wear more kinds of clothing. Women shouldn't be the only ones to have sartorial fun. Several years ago I started to wear skirts as a man. There is a forum for men who wear skirts. The first time was hard and scary. but I noticed that the world didn't stop turning, and there were no black helicopters flying overhead, so I continued. I had been shaving my legs for quite a while before hand. Then I started to wear pantyhose with it. Mostly black to hide blemishes and scars. Then I started to add womens tops, not flashy, just subtle designs. And sometimes womens ankle boots with a 2" heel. I still do that today. But now I'm on E and Spiro, and have painted fingernails, and three hoop earrings in each each. But nobody would have any doubt that I'm a man when they see me.

I don't care what others think of me. I have to be who I am.

All the best for your journey.

Hi GordonG. Thank you for responding to my post. I tried on a t-neck sweater dress with black tights and a thin black belt while at Aritzia. I thought I looked okay and had to keep asking the sales person what she thought (she had already commented positively on what I was already wearing ... she said I was very stylish ... I guess I have decent fashion sense). I will buy skirts and dresses once I move out of my current home but can't right now because of my family situation and the town in which I live.

I love shopping for clothes ... it is going to be a huge weakness, I fear.

Also, your profile picture is stunning. You are very beautiful.

Hugs Zoey

[tgirlamg]

@Zoey421

Welcome aboard Zoey!!!... Congrats on taking the brave steps forward to claim a life that will finally be a reflection of the inner truths you have carried for a lifetime ... I started this all past the half century mark as well and can tell you that amazing discoveries await you Sister!

Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way... Transition is a journey best traveled with friends at your side and you have those friends here!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

[Zoey421]

@Zoey421

Welcome aboard Zoey!!!... Congrats on taking the brave steps forward to claim a life that will finally be a reflection of the inner truths you have carried for a lifetime ... I started this all past the half century mark as well and can tell you that amazing discoveries await you Sister!

Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way... Transition is a journey best traveled with friends at your side and you have those friends here!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

Hi Ashley, thank you for the support. I am amazed at how many people past 50 y participate in this forum. It is a relief to know so many of us found ourselves later live. I appreciate the love and support. Hugs Zoey

[tgirlamg]

Hi Ashley, thank you for the support. I am amazed at how many people past 50 y participate in this forum. It is a relief to know so many of us found ourselves later live. I appreciate the love and support. Hugs Zoey

@Zoey421

Hi Again Sister!!!

Yes!... I think many of us come to transition's door around the mid century mark... I dislike the term mid-life crisis but, I think the 50 year mark is a time that brings a lot of reflection about where we are at in our life... questions like, am I happy? If not... why? Take a new place in the forefront on our life... our younger days offered little information about such things... The Information Age has shown us that possibilities we had never seriously considered can be ours...

Here is a recent post I did in the Before/After thread...

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.msg2203468.html#msg2203468


My life is so far from where I ever truly saw it going and I have never been happier... If I can help you find that for yourself... Please don't hesitate to let me know dear sister!

Onward we go!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[Zoey421]

@Zoey421

Hi Again Sister!!!

Yes!... I think many of us come to transition's door around the mid century mark... I dislike the term mid-life crisis but, I think the 50 year mark is a time that brings a lot of reflection about where we are at in our life... questions like, am I happy? If not... why? Take a new place in the forefront on our life... our younger days offered little information about such things... The Information Age has shown us that possibilities we had never seriously considered can be ours...

Here is a recent post I did in the Before/After thread...

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.msg2203468.html#msg2203468


My life is so far from where I ever truly saw it going and I have never been happier... If I can help you find that for yourself... Please don't hesitate to let me know dear sister!

Onward we go!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

@tgirlamg

Hi Ashley, All I can say is WOW! Just, WOW!

I read the post you linked and I am blown away by your transformation ... you rock the bikini ... the real you is beautiful, inside and out.

I can see that you are really happy and this gives me hope that I will be happier in the future too.

I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:

"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."

- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs

She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.

I have found a new home, a group of sisters who share similar experiences. I feel blessed.

Thank you, Ashley.

Hugs Zoey

[tgirlamg]

@tgirlamg

Hi Ashley, All I can say is WOW! Just, WOW!

I read the post you linked and I am blown away by your transformation ... you rock the bikini ... the real you is beautiful, inside and out.

I can see that you are really happy and this gives me hope that I will be happier in the future too.

I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:

"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."

- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs

She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.

I have found a new home, a group of sisters who share similar experiences. I feel blessed.

Thank you, Ashley.

Hugs Zoey

@Zoey421

Thanks for all the sweet words sister... If you are a fan of science and quantum physics ...you are in very good company around here!!! ...

I believe, as Kate Stone noted, we are indeed very lucky... This journey demands much of us... I believe that is a very good thing... working and struggling to move closer to the truths that we find inside us after we strip away a lifetime of protective layers ...changes us in amazing and beautiful ways... The truths we have to fight for will always be of greater value than ones handed to us... There is so much for us to claim in all of this when we keep our heart open...You will see that more and more in the days to come

There are no rules to this journey... no timetables...

I have come to see transition as a very spiritual quest... if we have hidden for a lifetime... how can we feel anyone truly loves us?... they have never met us!... I believe transition is an attempt to place ourself at a place in our life where we can finally and truly, give and receive Love... A spiritual quest indeed!!!

There is a snippet of Walt Whitman I like to give those just starting to explore the road ahead...

Whitman Song of the Open Road

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Onward we go Zoey!!! Gently, but with undeniable will...

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[Karen]

Thank you for sharing your journey.    I too am in my 50s.   My journey is very similar, including managing family dynamics.   

I am finally at a place where I don't feel broken, however I do have periods of sadness given the impacts this is having on my family and life.   That said I am also very happy to finally have answers for feelings and desires and questions I have had my whole life.   

Yesterday I watched Bohemian rhapsody by myself.   I cried through the last half after he told his amazing wife he thought he was bisexual, and they moved into separate houses.   The inner torment Freddie had, even though his ex wife and band and fans still loved him deeply, is so telling of the self doubt and torment many of us face.  It's an amazing movie and story.

You are not alone!   My teenage kids now know my story.  They are very open minded and supportive.  And they are scared about what might change....that's normal and to be expected. 

Big hugs to you.   I hope the best for you this holiday season.

Karen

[Zoey421]

Thank you for sharing your journey.    I too am in my 50s.   My journey is very similar, including managing family dynamics.   

I am finally at a place where I don't feel broken, however I do have periods of sadness given the impacts this is having on my family and life.   That said I am also very happy to finally have answers for feelings and desires and questions I have had my whole life.   

Yesterday I watched Bohemian rhapsody by myself.   I cried through the last half after he told his amazing wife he thought he was bisexual, and they moved into separate houses.   The inner torment Freddie had, even though his ex wife and band and fans still loved him deeply, is so telling of the self doubt and torment many of us face.  It's an amazing movie and story.

You are not alone!   My teenage kids now know my story.  They are very open minded and supportive.  And they are scared about what might change....that's normal and to be expected. 

Big hugs to you.   I hope the best for you this holiday season.

Karen

Thanks, Karen. The scene in Bohemian Rhapsody moved me as well and was one of the signs for me to come out.  I hope my kids will be open-minded. Their generation is more accepting of gender fluid, transgendered people. I think my wife's concerns about the stigma that might be attached to them is more about her understanding and perception of my acceptance, how she will be perceived through the kids.

I know there will be ups and downs, nothing is straight-forward.

I keep telling myself to take one step at a time, focus on now and get to tomorrow.

Best to you for the holiday season as well.

Hugs Zoey

[Zoey421]

@tgirlamg

Thank you for the Whitman poem. The self-affirming nature of the poem is inspiring and there is so much truth in Whitman's prose: "I am larger, better than I thought, / I did not know I held so much goodness." I need to repeat this phrase over and over when times get tough.

I know Christmas next year will be better and the important thing is to not get too far into the future, stay in the present.

You seem like such a positive person, Ashley. Thank you for your inspiring words; I am so glad that you are sharing your experience with me.

Hugs Zoey

[dee82]

I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:

"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."

- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs

She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.

Zoey, love that book. There's a lot of information on the internet, but being "old school" I wanted a book related to transgender concerns  that I could hold in my hands and read without being online.

Saw that in a big city bookshop and bought it, feeling very conspicuous. Symbolically that purchase was very important to me as I was not out publicly.

Reading the letters made me realise how diverse the trans experience, and the rules are few. It gave me hope.

~Dee.

[Michelle_P]

She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.

Absolutely!  Shortly after I started full time life, I joined a local Unitarian Universalist congregation.  At the first dinner event I attended I found I was being seated with folks who had transgender family members, friends, or relatives, and we were apparently being clustered together to give us a common topic of discussion.  Eeeep!  I immediately signed up to help in coffee service, and got involved with other activities, initially kitchen-related, cooking and baking.

That got me known as the 'cookie lady' rather than the 'trans woman', a bit deliberate, I admit.   Being transgender is part of our history, how we got here, but we are so much more than that! 

Sometimes we need to step it up a bit to be seen as all that we are.

[KimOct]

Zoey - I am going to speak for Ashley but nothing she has not already said.  Ashley was the first person that took me under her wing.  She has been a great support.  It is easy to be impressed by her physical transformation which is stunning but what matters more is the insight that she has.

Take advantage of her offer - we all want to support you and we will but some people have a real knack for it.

Wishing you happiness.

[tgirlamg]

Zoey - I am going to speak for Ashley but nothing she has not already said.  Ashley was the first person that took me under her wing.  She has been a great support.  It is easy to be impressed by her physical transformation which is stunning but what matters more is the insight that she has.

Take advantage of her offer - we all want to support you and we will but some people have a real knack for it.

Wishing you happiness.

Ha!... Thanks for the vote of confidence little sister!!!...Thanks also for all your selfless efforts to help others keep their eyes on the prize!... When immersed in the details and the fears of the process... it is far to easy to forget that transforming our lives into what we want and need is an amazing and joyful thing!... You have traveled far since I first mailed you some jewelry and voice lesson CDs!!! I remember asking only that you pay whatever help and support I gave you forward to those coming along behind you... You have far exceeded that mark long ago!!!

Onward we go brave sister...

A 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[KimOct]

I still have the jewelry and always will it is a keepsake - as for the voice DVD - I suck HAHA but I am ok where I am at so if anyone wants it - it is up for grabs - first one that speaks up gets it.  Andrea James.

I came back after thinking about it some more - Ashley sent me a lot of stuff when I first was transitioning - a necklace - clip on earrings and a ring.  I think I should pass some of that on also - something like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. LOL

I am keeping the ring as a keepsake though.  So the DVD - necklace and earrings are up for grabs (my ears are pierced now anyway)  One per customer    I should auction this stuff off since it's from Ashley. Kidding.

Sorry Zoey sometimes topics get hijacked by knuckleheads like me.