Hi, I'm Kate!
Phew, I feel better already :-).
Anyway I'm obviously new here and wanted to introduce myself as I start my transition. Having read other member introductions it's just so nice and uncanny how similar my story is with others and especially nice to see folks coming out of their transitions happier and better people. It gives those starting on their journeys a lot of hope. Thanks to all who have shared their journeys before me. I intend to do the same.
A little about me. I'm turning fifty in January so am in that mid-life transition category. This year I just got divorced after a 20plus year marriage and relationship. I have one adult child who just started college. Now I'm a divorcee empty nester who needs to finally come to terms with my gender dysphoria. Like many of you I've always felt more like a girl first and later a woman stuck in the proverbial boys/mans body. I've felt this way all my life. I have the usual stories of cross dressing as a child wishing I were something that I couldn't be. I've always been a people pleaser so always tried to repress my feminine side to make sure that my personality fit my sex. Unfortunately much to my emotional detriment.
Fast forward to college in the early nineties. I was aware that I was trans from early on, during high school I read the biographies of Caroline Cossey and Renee Richards so knew what I was and how to treat my "condition". At that time I came out to my girlfriend first and then my mother. Both supportive, but none of us really able to deal with the situation so it's become a family secret. At 23 I started HRT and started my transition but ultimately stopped after about a year. I remember distinctly making that decision back then because I didn't believe that I would be accepted by society and my family.
My god has a lot of things changed in the last 25 years!
Instead, I married a friend who became a girlfriend and eventually my wife. In the end it was really a Bostonian marriage since I made a miserable husband because I ironically never came out to her. I buried my feelings so much so that I was just a miserable person, crappy husband and lackluster father. The marriage was just doomed from the beginning. But I've realized that it served as my ,,beard" that allowed me to hide my dysphoria from the rest of the world and as such it was just easier to stay married than find my true self. It was unfair for all concerned and I believe we are all in a better place now.
This October I started to see a new therapist, in November started HRT, and in December did my first laser treatment. Things are moving very quickly, which both surprises me how readily I'm willing to go down this path, but also frightens me for what is in store.
I just know that I'm on the right course now regardless of the headwinds that lie ahead. And feel good about the fact I've had the opportunity to right my life and looking forward to the emotional rewards I've seen from others further down this journey.
Anyway here I am hoping to make new friends and lasting relationships while we all go through this thing called life.
Kate
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