Sexual orientation?

[Linde]

I've noticed that's the case with most transkids.

That seems to be the case.  I meet a 25 year old very pretty trans girl yesterday, and she never was interested in women.  She told me she transitioned when she was 20, and before that she thought she was just simply gay.

I always wonder how my life would have been, if I would have had the chance to become a female when I was that young?  But I cannot remember that I was ever interested in guys at all!  I might have been a lesbian all my life long?

[Swedishgirl96]

I fall in love with boys, sometimes a little bit to easily. 

[luckygirl]

I always wonder how my life would have been, if I would have had the chance to become a female when I was that young?  But I cannot remember that I was ever interested in guys at all!  I might have been a lesbian all my life long?

I have a theory that when we were young and believed we could do nothing about our situations and all we wanted was acceptance and normalcy, we knew we weren't gay and just wanted a normal relationship. That and we all wanted to be with girls and have those deep conversations with them. Our only hope was to engage in a romance with them. It got us as close as we could come to what we truly yearned for.

[Linde]

I have a theory that when we were young and believed we could do nothing about our situations and all we wanted was acceptance and normalcy, we knew we weren't gay and just wanted a normal relationship. That and we all wanted to be with girls and have those deep conversations with them. Our only hope was to engage in a romance with them. It got us as close as we could come to what we truly yearned for.

This theory could be the key for our sexual orientation, who knows?

[TonyaW]

I've noticed that's the case with most transkids.

My unverified observation is that for younger transitioners, their sexuality mirrors that of cis people as far as rates go.

For us older MTF transitioners, it seems about a third are straight, a third lesbian, and a third other (bi, asexual, etc). The only thing I don't recall is anyone that was attracted to mainly men pre transition that is now attracted to mainly women.

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[KimOct]

I have a theory that when we were young and believed we could do nothing about our situations and all we wanted was acceptance and normalcy, we knew we weren't gay and just wanted a normal relationship. That and we all wanted to be with girls and have those deep conversations with them. Our only hope was to engage in a romance with them. It got us as close as we could come to what we truly yearned for.

I think there is something to that.  I had a lot of close platonic girlfriends.  And when things did get physical in a relationship the woman always was the one that initiated the first time.  Except my very first time - I started that one 

[sarahc]

I think there is something to that.  I had a lot of close platonic girlfriends.  And when things did get physical in a relationship the woman always was the one that initiated the first time.  Except my very first time - I started that one 

^--- Yup - exactly the same for me, except it was only the second girlfriend I initiated.

[Linde]

^--- Yup - exactly the same for me, except it was only the second girlfriend I initiated.

In the beginning, I was a little more aggressive than you ladies were, because I was supposed to be a guy, and that is what real guys do (so I was informed by my peers).  Later, in my marriage, I was the more passive part, and my wife complained about this quite a bit.

[skipulus]

I've only ever been attracted to men, their masculinity. I desire them very strongly and I have always been very masculine myself. I also interact far better with men, I more intuitively understand them. Their language is more straightforward.
It doesn't matter to me if the man is AFAB as long as he is very strongly masculine in appearance and behaviour.
I have also been the man in my relationships. I have been with a male partner for over 25 years. I work, he stayes home for the kids. I fix things, take care of the important stuff.

My Alfa male conservative therapist has often talked to me about how I emasculate my partner. My therapist also seems of the opinion that I emasculated my psychiatrist on occasion.
It would explain how happy my psychiatrist is about me transitioning. I know he was intimidated and he said that he couldn't use the usual authority influence to get me to comply with treatment.

I agree with the sentiment about difference between desiring and wanting to be desired. I'm definitely a desirer of men and masculinity.

Yes my therapist is conservative and raised in strongly Christian faith of no homosexuality or trans as am I.
It makes me very impressed with how he managed my decision to transition. First he asked if I wanted to get a wife. He clearly found that hard to believe because he knew my attraction to men. Then he said he was going to read up on this.
The next session he had read up and started talking to me about prosthetics and such and encouraged me to look into that and then he helped me look at what options I had in terms of transitioning.

[Ely-chan]

That's a difficult question for me hahaha
I am a virgin ... but I realize that I am passive in relationships ...
I am attracted to men, muscles, their bodies and their tools. I'm sure it's just physical attraction ...
I'm not attracted to women, but sentimental relationships are incredible, be it friends or lovers.

For romantic things, I hope someone treats me like a princess (but now I look like a child, so it's impossible ... life sucks)

Now, I feel sexually frustrated, so I'm considering get a boyfriend (even gay or bi man ... the plan: In future,  turn him into hetero-man, BDSM-Slave and beloved prince ... is it too much to ask? Girls need to dream highly )

[Linde]

That's a difficult question for me hahaha
I am a virgin ... but I realize that I am passive in relationships ...
I am attracted to men, muscles, their bodies and their tools. I'm sure it's just physical attraction ...
I'm not attracted to women, but sentimental relationships are incredible, be it friends or lovers.

For romantic things, I hope someone treats me like a princess (but now I look like a child, so it's impossible ... life sucks)

Now, I feel sexually frustrated, so I'm considering get a boyfriend (even gay or bi man ... the plan: In future,  turn him into hetero-man, BDSM-Slave and beloved prince ... is it too much to ask? Girls need to dream highly )

Only you do know what you want and like.  Is it asked to much to be happy?  No, it is never to much, because you have the right to be as happy as can be!

BDSM is a strange world for me, I think I would break the arms of a person, who would try his on/with me, and if that person is in bad luck, I would break their neck, too!
But again, everybody ticks different!  You go for what makes you happy (just be carefull with some of these games!)
Good luck!
Linde

[TonyaW]

I have a theory that when we were young and believed we could do nothing about our situations and all we wanted was acceptance and normalcy, we knew we weren't gay and just wanted a normal relationship. That and we all wanted to be with girls and have those deep conversations with them. Our only hope was to engage in a romance with them. It got us as close as we could come to what we truly yearned for.

Seems true for me but my brain was so testosterone addled at that age that I looked at girls as partners first. I was friendly with them but none I would call a friend.

Part of me also thought all I needed was to be with a girl and that would fix my wanting to be one. 

As far as attraction, I had made the distinction in my head that there were some girls I'd call pretty and some I'd call sexy.  The distinction was the pretty girls were tall, thin, and blond or red hair. Sexy girls were dark and curvy. Didn't realize until after starting transition that the sexy girls were ones I wanted to be with and the  pretty girls were the ones I wanted to be, as I was tall, blond and skinny (at least I was until beer and pizza in college).

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[Dana Thompson]

Definitely attracted to both men and women. Interestingly just before I came out and when the dysphoria was at its worst I was fiercely attracted to men to the exclusion of women. After accepting myself more and starting hormones, I find myself attracted to women again.

I think part of the reason I was so attracted to only men for a while was that it was an expression of my dysphoria. I felt more feminine in my attraction I guess.


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[JanePlain]

Very interesting topic! I know running a female hormone profile does change the approach & the dynamic to romantic interaction.

For instance once upon a time I could never see the value in a masculine individual as a romantic interest. Now I can see the value of someone else supplying the sexual impetus. As my disposition becomes more emotional and more dependent on the context instead of raw nudity I can see the value of a lover who is not like that.

In fact to a large extent its not about liking all men - its only special masculine individuals the have that certain something.

Ironically despite a feminine appearance my wife has some strong masculine qualities. Despite my mans man masculine facade I am feminine in many ways. My CIS wife is my guy!

I'm sure if I had transitioned at 18 when I first considered it- I would have ended up with either a man or a transman.

Great topic Beverly!

Kirsten.



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That is quite similar to how my wife and I seem to be.  She is very clearly in touch with her masculine side.  I had a discussion with my therapist about this and my take on it was that this was good - next topic please.  I recall being relieved when she came "out" (in a way) about not being the housewife type of person.   Anyway glad to hear your situation is similar and that its working for you.  I spend a lot of time pondering what if this or that when its really not a problem.

That said my dysphoria is such that I truly am put off by the thought of sex that involves males.  I have a male friend who is gay and once told me that the idea of lesbian porn makes him vomit.  I guess thats pretty close to how I feel except in reverse.

[ChrissyRyan]

I think women are lovely and beautiful!   


Chrissy

[JanePlain]

I think there is something to that.  I had a lot of close platonic girlfriends.  And when things did get physical in a relationship the woman always was the one that initiated the first time.  Except my very first time - I started that one 

That is really interesting.  I'm trying to think about the question of who initiated what and its always been them...  I think this is a good topic I should bring up in therapy.

[Kirsteneklund7]

My feelings of attraction are one thing. My relationship situation is another. I am mostly happy being married with children and a wife. Actual physical intimacy is a distant memory. The dynamic that has developed - largely due to my being trans- is we have a platonic relationship more like friends with a common goal. I would prefer a physical relationship but it just doesn't work out that way.
Kirsten :[emoji257]

[Linde]

I think women are lovely and beautiful!   


Chrissy

I think that only women are lovely and beautiful.  As was said above, the idea of gay porn makes him vomit, or the idea that I would have to touch male genitalia!

[JanePlain]

My feelings of attraction are one thing. My relationship situation is another. I am mostly happy being married with children and a wife. Actual physical intimacy is a distant memory. The dynamic that has developed - largely due to my being trans- is we have a platonic relationship more like friends with a common goal. I would prefer a physical relationship but it just doesn't work out that way.
Kirsten :[emoji257]

I'm still in the adjusting hormones mode but one thing that solidified things as far as Estrogen goes is that when I had abnormally low levels I had no libido at all.  If could talk myself into letting myself be sexual but it was difficult to avoid finding excuses to avoid getting intimate.  When I gave up trying to "fix" myself with Testosterone and flipped to mostly estrogen with a small amount of testosterone things felt right and also things became "human" as in seeing things with a functional sex drive.  For a long time I just didn't notice anything as being "sexy"  Months could go by between doing anything intimate.  Anyway I love reading your posts Kirsten and hope this might be of some value.  Abnormally low Testosterone = zero interest in getting intimate.  At least for me.

[Kirsteneklund7]

I'm still in the adjusting hormones mode but one thing that solidified things as far as Estrogen goes is that when I had abnormally low levels I had no libido at all.  If could talk myself into letting myself be sexual but it was difficult to avoid finding excuses to avoid getting intimate.  When I gave up trying to "fix" myself with Testosterone and flipped to mostly estrogen with a small amount of testosterone things felt right and also things became "human" as in seeing things with a functional sex drive.  For a long time I just didn't notice anything as being "sexy"  Months could go by between doing anything intimate.  Anyway I love reading your posts Kirsten and hope this might be of some value.  Abnormally low Testosterone = zero interest in getting intimate.  At least for me.

Thank you for your reply Jane. I agree that the trans condition causes a feeling of physical intimacy feeling uncomfortable for want of a better word.
I too tried to fix myself with extra testosterone - it just made things worse.
A female hormone profile with female level T increases the desire for romance! Unfortunately my more feminine disposition doesnt fuel the fires for my darling S.O.

Kirsten.

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