Well to start, I'm older than I would like to be starting this journey. But, that said, I feel inspired by this site and the others around my age who have made the transition.
If I was going to label myself then I was a cross dresser, but now probably transsexual in the closet. I'm right at the start of my journey and still need to get out of the closet. This is something I intend to do slowly in 2019. I'm lucky that my wife actually enjoys me being dressed. I just now need to get out of the house, into public and into work.
I've been "different" as long as I can remember. Even some prepubescent memories. In my youth I was very quiet, effeminate, happy and an easy-going person. My parents worried that I was a "homosexual". Well, no worries about that for them - I am bi-sexual, probably a better description would be pansexual. I think that would have completely confused them.
However, things changed when I got a sales job and later jobs managing people. I was pushed well out of my happy and easy-going comfort zone This was totally alien to me at first, but slowly changed me into becoming a typical assertive male. My femininity slowly dissipated. Consequently, I spent years feeling that something had been lost, but even that sense of loss was clouded. So, I drifted in and out of relationships and marriages with a confused bi-sexual appetite. Sometimes I accepted my sexuality and sometimes I crushed it, buried deep away.
It was only through ventures into BDSM that I eventually started cross dressing some years back. I found myself feeling unusually, inexplicably comfortable and at ease with myself. And then a short while back I had one of those light bulb moments when things simply snapped into place and I made the connection back to the femininity of my youth. And now recently through a series of unexpected events feel I have the courage to transform myself to who I should be. To the woman I should be. It makes me want to cry that I lost myself so many years ago and that it's taken so long to find myself. But in the words of Anais Nin "The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
So my journey is twofold. It is into womanhood but also back to the person I lost all those years back, The person I've missed.
