Am I an A$$hole ?

[Jenny1969]

Whats wrong with me?  I have read on here a lot of people posting about caring what others think.  Am I wrong not to care?  Am I cold?  Am I an >-bleeped-<? If they dont like it ....pound sound I dont need you.  If their feeling get hurt...your problem not mine.   I have 0 care to give for negative people in my life (new life).  Friends, Family it doesn't mater....I can simply walk away and never look back.  I have done it before and I feel nothing.  Once someone wrongs me....they get one chance....then they are voted off the island.  They will need me before I need them.

If any of you have read my story you will see that my upbringing was not the best. I wrote off my parents many many years ago and didn't even go to their funeral. So that makes me an >-bleeped-< right?

I could literally walk away from my current life....friends, family and go to another city/country and start over and never look back.  Maybe its easier said than done.

I need to lay off the espresso............ 


<edit by moderator>

[Kylo]

I can empathize. Plenty of people would call me one too, but that would only matter if I required validation.

It just says to me that you are your own person. Master of your own life.

[Jessica]

Hi Jenny, there is plenty of pain that those transitioning can feel from others.  A typical reaction would be to close them out of their lives.  It does solve the problem of not having to hear, feel or experience negative thoughts from them.  But sometimes it's just a matter of a lack of knowledge by the offender, and you might be able to clue them into understanding.
Support is necessary in general throughout life, whether you are transitioning or not.  Pushing away someone that has been supportive because of misunderstanding the reality of who you are is giving up to your own biases, the same as they've done.
Loved ones are the hardest hit, but also are the ones that could try to find a solution to life with someone that has chosen a new path that is drastically different.
But of course there are certainly ones that refuse to change and it is your self preservation that forces them out of your life on your terms.
There are some transitioners that found it everywhere in their life and have taken the extreme measure of packing up and moving to a new area, and in effect just 'blend into the woodwork'.

[Devlyn]

Whats wrong with me? I have read on here a lot of people posting about caring what others think.  Am I wrong not to care?  Am I cold?  Am I an >-bleeped-<? If they dont like it ....pound sound I dont need you.  If their feeling get hurt...your problem not mine.   I have 0 care to give for negative people in my life (new life).  Friends, Family it doesn't mater....I can simply walk away and never look back.  I have done it before and I feel nothing.  Once someone wrongs me....they get one chance....then they are voted off the island.  They will need me before I need them.

If any of you have read my story you will see that my upbringing was not the best. I wrote off my parents many many years ago and didn't even go to their funeral. So that makes me an >-bleeped-< right?

I could literally walk away from my current life....friends, family and go to another city/country and start over and never look back.  Maybe its easier said than done.

I need to lay off the espresso............ 

Jamie:  I wish we had time to bury them fellas.

Josey Wales:  To hell with them fellas.

[davina61]

I don't give a rats bum about what folk think, saying that not had any negative yet (apart from ex throwing me out ,RESULT!!!) OK my kids have taken some time to come round but that's fine.

[Janes Groove]

I'm right there with you lady.

Maybe cuz I'm such an old fogie but I'm to the point where I just don't suffer fools gladly anymore.

I could give 2 figs.

[Jenny1969]

I'm right there with you lady.

Maybe cuz I'm such an old fogie but I'm to the point where I just don't suffer fools gladly anymore.

I could give 2 figs.

Exactly

[Chloe]

I need to lay off the espresso............ 

Or vodka? My older sister is a 23yr veteran ER nurse and while adamant about HATING HUMANITY in general nobody holds it against her!

That said her fav expression is: Do Not Piss Me Off!

[Jenny1969]

Thanks to everyone who commented........I needed a reference check. 

[Swedishgirl96]

Being able to stand up for yourself and take pride in that is definitely a good and healthy trait.

There is a difference between being rude and taking care of yourself. But sure you should not aim to hurt anyone.

[HappyMoni]

I don't care about this A*$hole thread! Oh, sorry, trying to get in the mood for being in the discussion.

I have a theory, and I don't care if you think it is right, but many people who proclaim that they are impervious to caring, actually say that to protect themselves and really do care. I think it is a rare person that really doesn't care what others think. Isn't there a term for someone who has complete disregard for those around them, 'sociopath' maybe. I get walling yourself off from idiots. I do generally care what others think. A very isolating trip on the Appalachian Trail taught me that I do need people  in my life. I don't let their negativity control my life though. If I think someone has wronged me or we have disagreed unpleasantly, I will try to fix it. I'll make the first effort many times, but if they insist on being irascible, I'm done. I shut them out, but I still see it as sad.
I believe that their is a spectrum of caring just like gender. Jenny, I suspect you are stating you are on one side of that bell curve. My question is this. For someone in that position, as you go through life, how do you handle things? Do you leave a wake of people licking their wounds behind you as you pass because you were so adamant in doing 'your thing?' Or is it that you live and let live, and if you cross me, you're gone? The first one would be a big yes to the A-hole question. The latter, a 'no' to that question.
Damn, I guess I do care about this thread! Oh the shame! lol

[Chanteur]

I only care about 3 people in my life...

As far as family, they are myself, my wife and my son.

Do not really care too much about anyone else. I do have friends, and I will support them and whatnot...

But I have disowned my father and blocked him from contacting me. He wasn't accepting of my transition and chose his religion over his daughter. His loss, not mine. He wasn't bad, just wouldn't accept it no matter what.

I have refused to assist my ailing grandpa when he passed away, though to be fair he had a DNR, but at time I did not know this. Family wanted me to go next door to his house and I flat out refused. Also, I barely knew the guy. He came into my life when I was 14 or so, but briefly.

My mom I believe accepts me. She is supporting me while we are getting financially stabilized... But she keeps putting us on guilt trips and using her support to essentially control us.

My sisters also accept me, but they too busy bickering about who is more liked in the family.

I just care about my immediate family, I don't have time to truly care for others.

I have had several grandparents die... I was forced to go to their funeral. I didn't show any emotion or remorse at all. Only emotion I ever showed over a death was my cat.

I guess getting bullied every year of K-12 kinda gave me a tough skin. And it takes awhile for me to open up to people... Hence why I only truly care about my immediate family.

**Edit**

I should clarify that my parents went through a nasty 5+ year divorce. Each parent used us kids against the other parent and tried to be our "favorite" and one-up the other parent.

Plus my dad was in the Navy so always out to sea and never home. Further, my mom worked multiple full time jobs and was never home either.

My parents hold grudges even against us children, as my mom almost kicked me out of the house just for telling the truth to our guardian about our sister.

And my bullying in school was severe, I was in counseling and saw a psychiatrist multiple times (not for suicide, but severe depression). Even when I expressed that I felt more female, none of the mental health people ever did anything about it.

Further, my parents never spoke to or about gender identity, they just "assumed" and went with it. Plus my dad being ultra-religious I knew not to bring things like that up. I never knew the term transgender until well after I left the house.

So between the bullying, and my chaotic family... I have essentially become a hardened stone and not many things will get to me. My LCSW even said I have almost no emotions when it comes to some things (like a family member death).

But I truly do care about my wife and son. I will go to the world's end and back for them.