Nothing really going on here. I am just going to ramble a bit. I think it is a shame but since stepping down from being a mod I find my connection here waning. I enjoyed being a part of this site after I joined. I made friends, something I never had many of irl. I liked having friends and I found myself opening up and caring for some of you though we had never met. Something I was never really able to do before. Even with the few real life friends I had, I could never be myself. Likely it was the anonymity of the internet or perhaps the type of site, but it doesn't matter here I could be myself with you. I formed bonds with you and we lent each other support as best we could. we shared our thoughts, our knowledge, theories, and opinions. But IRL I was still a loner hidden in my dark closet, safe. with your help I started coming of into the light of day. Okay, okay the first few time out as myself were after dark but I was venturing out. I did make it out during day light to visit Tessa James. An oddly lovable non-binary queer type for the Astoria pride events. Where I found myself thrust into the public eye and meeting people as myself. I survived and have visited them many times since she hasn't changed and I hope she never does. We have a IRL bond now.
As is my won't I decided to make a road trip to Maine, the only state I had never been in. Happy Moni told me she would like to meet when I was out her way if possible. That idea led me to ask if there were others who would like to meet with me along the way out or back. I gathered names and addresses and said I would see if we could get together when I was in their areas. Well to make a long story short I met with 9 out of the 10 other site members and had made the trip completely as myself with the exception of 2 days. I met a made a bond with each of these online folks that I shall never forget. There have been other road trips and other friends met and bonded with. I now have met over forty of you folk IRL and love you all.
I still have folk on here that I would love to meet and bond with. I know I cannot meet all of you though. I consider all of you my friends. Some I have bonded with as much here online as those I have met IRL. I thank you all for being my friends.
I was approached to become a moderator and I declined. Several times. But the seed was planted and I got curious what moderators did. It was like a secret or something and the only way I could find out was to agree to give it a try. So I did. I can tell you it really isn't a lot of fun but I did enjoy doing it. It gave me a feel of doing something for this site and for all of our members. The main job i did as part of the forum staff was to follow the rules myself and help keep this site as friendly, safe, and fair site by seeing that everyone not only followed the rules but felt welcome and wanted here. I think I did my best and was a fair moderator. I felt satisfaction in doing the job while still being a part of the membership family. Due to a disagreement I felt it would be best to step down and I did so.
Since stepping down I have gone through anger, and feelings of having been wronged and I think possibly betrayed. I need not go into that further. I feel a sense of loss for I did like being of help to the staff. I have lost what was to me an important connection with this site. It has affected my feeling of being a vital part of the site. I visit almost daily but no where near as much as I used to and if I don't visit here it hasn't really mattered much. When I am here I read the posts of friends and then read another. I seldom post and that is mostly when I feel I really need to say something to that friend. That they really need for someone to reach out to them. But i do not really participate in conversations anymore. I haven't even got anything worth saying in my 2 threads. This on and the road to gcs. My story is just not going anywhere. I have nothing to say, no will to participate, no satisfying job, no joy in the site. My connection is fading away. I will probably still come visit and I will likely post, if I see a need. But I think it is more like "So long and thanks for all the fish"
