Trans child in need

[Shariberry251]

Hello, this is my first time here. I am in desperate need of any help or advice and I hope this is the right place. My youngest child is transgender born malik prefers Malika. She came out to us as gay about 3 yrs ago and as transgender about 1.5/2 yrs ago. I have always  told her I will love her unconditionally no matter what. Her dad and I were honest  though  that pronouns  and hormones  were going to  take us some time. In that time she befriended  a adult whose name is Peggy. Peggy  is a lawyer and a lesbian in a marriage to another women who is a paralegal. Malika spend time at thier  house frequently as I believe it does take a village. I love my child!! We recognize  that we are really like best friends, but it's hard to go through this at the same time as having a "teenager". Malika about a week ago took 15of her zoloft pills she says to take her own life. She told me about 1 hr after taking them and we went to the hospital. We barely got her discharged without a inpatient  stay. And she did tell me that because I cry she couldn't process her feelings around me she wants to stay with peggy. In the midst of this peggy has mentioned to me if we wanted they would file for guardianship of malika because they use the correct pronouns and know about hormones. I politely  said no, I appreciate your being there but we are getting there with her but I am still the mother. I did let her go stay there, and her well being is number one. However I think peggy  is trying to influence malika. She has already called the school behind my back, made a appt without my consent or consult and is now questioning me taking malika to a appt tomorrow  without her being there. I dont know what to do. I am trying to just have a honest one to one with my kid and I feel she wants them to be involved in everything. Maybe she is disappointed I wont let them have guardianship. And they being attorneys  they probably have the upper hand. Please help. I refuse to give up on my child!

[LizK]

Hi Shariberry251

Welcome to Susan's

As a parent myself I can only imagine how you are feeling which I bet is not great. How old is Malika?

I am not sure what the couple can actually do as far as "forcing" any kind of gaurdianship upon you and would strongly suggest you get some legal help around this.


I understand how difficult pronouns and manes can be for parents however the importance for your daughter is huge. Having said that her taking a heap of medications as a "suicide" bid is a really strong indicator that she is acting out for a reason. I would suggest you all find all some professional help to deal with this. Your daughters acting out is for a reason and I wonder if there is some "grass is allways greener..." going on. I can imagine her new found friends are fully up to speed with LGBTQI stuff and are using her name and pronouns without hesitation making it seem "unfair" when you slip up or falter which may not be a fair comparison.

Take care

Liz

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. As you are the parent, you still have the right to determine your child's medial treatment unless there is a court order that prevents you from doing this. If a therapy appointment has been set up, I would suggest you call the medical office, inform them that you are the parent, you still have the legal right to determine your child's treatment, that you will be there for the appointment and you would like to discuss this with the therapist. This may involve a private session or joint session but it's important your involved in your child's treatment.

If you do nothing, there is a risk they could sue for custody because you have neglected your child. If you can prove you are playing an active roll in the treatment, a judge should rule in your favor. Being there for your child is the most important way of protecting your rights to your child.

[Shariberry251]

To elaborate she is 16, and I am making the appointments  but wanted to have this first  appointment  to talk to her one on one, she and these new friends are very resistant now. Trying to avoid us being alone it seems. They know all about transitioning  and hormones  as the spouse is transitioning and they keep saying things like they can give the "emotional support" she needs right  now. Well I am on board but I don't want to push her either  to try to stay there permanently. I feel like I am walking a tight rope, they are already making appointments  behind my back and without my consent. I just dont know I feel like she is turning on me, I can barely keep the tears in!

[Dena]

As they have legal knowledge, you need to insist that you be included in all of the decisions or you will seek a restraining order against them. You're responsible for your child until they reach 18 years of age and if your child does something wrong, you and not them will pay for it. The only conditions where your not responsible for your child is if you signed away the privilege, there is a court order in place, they are an emancipated minor or if child protective services is in control of your child. Other than that, they have no legal right to do what they are doing and if they continue to do so, it's time to lawyer up. You need to take control of this and stand up for your rights.

What they are doing amounts to kidnapping and the only way they can get away with it is if you let them.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Shariberry251   
Dear Shariberry:
    Greetings... I really like your member name!!!
    I am happy to see that you signed up as a member of Susan's Place and that you have now posted in the Forums.

    As you continue to post here you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you mentioned in your Introduction.

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.

    I see that our lovely member  @LizK  has already Officially Welcomed you,
but please allow me to also warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you should be aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  Liz included below her Welcome Message to you.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@Shariberry251
Oh, and another thing Shariberry...
Please plan to find your way to the Introductions Forum so that more members will be aware of your arrival.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE:  Now I will let you have your thread back so you can continue to pursue the answers you are seeking.

[Allison S]

You've known she's trans 1.5/2 years ago? Does she have a therapist? This situation doesn't add up to me... How does she leave the hospital and ends up back with "her friends"?  Hospitals don't just release minors to go to "friends" there's always a discharge plan and your daughter took pills while at your house?

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[CarlyMcx]

+1 what Allison S said.  I have numerous concerns about this post.  First, why was the child on Zoloft in the first place?  Was it prescribed by a therapist?  Has she been diagnosed with anything other than gender dysphoria?  Such as a depressive or bipolar or schizoaffective disorder?  Is she in some sort of general therapy?

The suicide attempt with Zoloft to me is a huge red flag asking for more information about a baseline diagnosis or comorbid disorder.

That said, male to female hormone replacement therapy tends to have highly beneficial psychological effects on those who are actually transgender, but cannot be administered to a minor without parental permission.

I do know one thing:  a judge would not decide a case like this without extensive medical and social worker reports on the child and we should not make any judgments either.

[Dena]

   Remember that is a SO asking for help. Very few parents are prepared to deal with a child who is transgender and as the result may not make what we might think is the best decision. Also remember that no parent ever tries to see how messed up they can make their child. When we post on a SO thread, we must not criticize them and do the best we can to help them with the problem they are dealing with. If your unable to do this with out criticizing a SO, don't post on the thread.