A long way to go

[KimOct]

As I approach 3 years into my transition I often talk about living authentically.  I give this opinion both online and IRL.
As part of my opinion I must admit I can be somewhat outspoken about being out in the open - not living stealth - and trying to set an example for greater transgender acceptance in society.

I was watching a you tube video just before writing this about a transgender woman (doesn't matter who ) and I read the comments for about 10 minutes - hence the title of this topic.  We sure do have a long way to go.

Now that I am about 3 years in I advocate for finding the courage, and living your truth etc etc but sometimes I am reminded of the world we live in.  Bigots of every type - race - religion - gender - sexual orientation.

Society has evolved but there is still a long way to go.  Some of our politicians are even now trying to change laws in order to marginalize us - can't serve in the military - or we can't change our gender - or that we shouldn't be protected by 'special' rights - such as employment discrimination - or healthcare - on and on.

Then I read on a video comment section 'die ->-bleeped-<- die'.  How sad for us and even sadder for the person that wrote that.  The next time I am frustrated by a person that does not have the courage to come out as transgender I hope I remember we still do not live in the world that I hope one day exists.

I am proud of those that are making a difference and for those that have done so in the past.

[Linde]

You are so right with what you write.  It is sometimes very hard to fight the ignorance and hate of some people.  On the other hand, there are enough fellow humans who want to help us.

I am involved in an organization which helps troubled women coming from abusive situations to get back onto their feet again.
We had a management meeting today, and I was asked whether I would want to develop something to help troubled trans women to get up and going again. 
We will be developing a pilot program and if this works out, it will be rolled out nation wide.  I hope we can help the trans female community a little bit with such a program.

[BrianaJ]

We sure do have a long way to go.

Hi Kim,

This really resonates with me at many many different levels - in many different ways.  I see and hear things every day on a personal level, a social level, and professional level that just leave me shaking my head and wondering.  I believe what you wrote is something that needs to kept out front and center and remembered by all in our community. 

[Faith]

I can relate to all the aspects of being transgender so far as being 'out' is concerned.
I can understand the desire to hide your true self
I can understand the desire to be stealth
I can understand the desire to stand proud and say, here I am.
I can understand variations of the above, I feel them every day.

If I hide, life is simpler.
If I'm stealth, no one knows
If I stand proud, I become a target.

I chose to not hide. And, since I transitioned publicly and openly at work and we didn't relocate so I was also publicly and openly to friends and family and acquaintances, there wasn't much stealth option.

I don't consider myself an advocate. I don't march or join clubs or wear shirts and pins announcing. However, I am an advocate in one-to-one. I am open to questions, I love answering them, bringing knowledge of who I am and what I go through to others.

With that is the fear in the back of my head. When will I have that moment that is more than just disapproval or disagreement. When will it happen that I am confronted with physical, vocal, emotional abuse. It's bound to happen. I'm surprised that it hasn't happened yet.

Would I like to be my true self, no one the wiser? Sure but then, the people I meet would be none the wiser as well. You cannot negate hate by hiding. You cannot negate hate with hate. You negate hate with knowledge and information. Some people are past changing, that's a given. Others are listening. Those are the ones that I want to reach.

I have no idea if I stayed within the realm of the topic I was just typing the thoughts that the topic brought out.
Faith

[Anne Blake]

Faith, I agree with all that you say. Given the chance, most times, I grasp the opportunity to be open and hopefully educate the muggles around us. But then there are the times.......This morning my partner and I were in a hotel breakfast area in Amarillo Texas (on my way to Dallas for another electrocution round and with some facial hair growth). When walking past a table a gentleman (?) looked closely at me and then proclaimed loudly to the room, "Oh my God!" and then talked to his friend indicating in my direction. No, I didn't take time to enlighten the ignorant, I just crawled into a hole embarrassed. Don't really know how to deal with this and yes, we do have a long way to go.

Tia Anne

[KathyLauren]

I agree with all you ladies.  While I don't advertise my trans-ness if there is no reason to, I don't try to hide it.  I think it helps society to build acceptance of us if some of us are seen to be normal people.

That is the altruistic reason.  There is also a selfish reason: I think that, at this point in my life, trying to hide again would probably kill me.  I am all done with hiding.  What you see is what you get.

Tia @Anne Blake, that wasn't no "gentleman" that you encountered.  If my wife is wearing glasses at the time, her response to that sort of thing is to push her glasses up on the bridge of her nose using her middle finger.  It looks like she is just adjusting the glasses to get a better view of the offender until, a couple of seconds later, they realize what the gesture actually was. 

[Anne Blake]

Thank you Kathy and that is just one more reason that I really like your wife! Please give her a hug from Deb and me.

Tia Anne

[KimOct]

I don't consider myself an advocate. I don't march or join clubs or wear shirts and pins announcing. However, I am an advocate in one-to-one. I am open to questions, I love answering them, bringing knowledge of who I am and what I go through to others.

With that is the fear in the back of my head. When will I have that moment that is more than just disapproval or disagreement. When will it happen that I am confronted with physical, vocal, emotional abuse. It's bound to happen. I'm surprised that it hasn't happened yet.

I could have quoted almost everyone here because I love the replies.  Glad to know I have some like minded sisters out there.  Not that we all have to think alike because that is not good either.  Everyone has a different path and perspective but sometimes I get push back on my opinion on this topic.

The reason I chose Faith's quote to single out although all were good is because of her statements in the paragraph -"I don't consider myself an advocate...."   

Faith you may not be advocating in the traditional sense such as marching / speeches etc but you certainly are an ambassador.  I developed the concept of being an ambassador from one of my first transgender woman friends that I met.  She mentioned similar feelings to me and it rang so true.

I know we all make different choices but I am glad that I am in my small way moving the needle in society toward greater acceptance.

And Tia Anne - you are not the one that should be embarrassed - the hate filled bigot is the one that should be embarrassed.

As Ashley often says and I will borrow here - Onward we go.

[tgirlamg]

I can relate to all the aspects of being transgender so far as being 'out' is concerned.
I can understand the desire to hide your true self
I can understand the desire to be stealth
I can understand the desire to stand proud and say, here I am.
I can understand variations of the above, I feel them every day.

If I hide, life is simpler.
If I'm stealth, no one knows
If I stand proud, I become a target.

I chose to not hide. And, since I transitioned publicly and openly at work and we didn't relocate so I was also publicly and openly to friends and family and acquaintances, there wasn't much stealth option.

I don't consider myself an advocate. I don't march or join clubs or wear shirts and pins announcing. However, I am an advocate in one-to-one. I am open to questions, I love answering them, bringing knowledge of who I am and what I go through to others.

With that is the fear in the back of my head. When will I have that moment that is more than just disapproval or disagreement. When will it happen that I am confronted with physical, vocal, emotional abuse. It's bound to happen. I'm surprised that it hasn't happened yet.

Would I like to be my true self, no one the wiser? Sure but then, the people I meet would be none the wiser as well. You cannot negate hate by hiding. You cannot negate hate with hate. You negate hate with knowledge and information. Some people are past changing, that's a given. Others are listening. Those are the ones that I want to reach.

I have no idea if I stayed within the realm of the topic I was just typing the thoughts that the topic brought out.
Faith

@Faith

@KimOct

Beautiful post Faith!!! ❤️🙏🌻


Kim!... I have seen much of the same kind of posts you spoke of here and there... it is indeed a bit disheartening but, I believe hearts and minds are, and will continue... to move in a positive direction...

I use a quote by MLK sometimes when I do speaking engagements... " The arc of the moral universe in long... but, it bends towards justice"

There are good parts to our technological world...  I met you!!! 🙋‍♀️💕  and, I can communicate with my friends and loved ones here and around the world!!! 😀👍

And...as we all know... there are downsides to it all... the anonymity of posting comments enables some to focus negativity that they would never dare express in person... they feel unteathered from basic civil discourse because they do not witness the affect of their words... or experience,  perhaps... the butt kicking they might receive if they uttered the words in person!!! 😀👍

Alas!... Modern Life!!!... 😀...  (History is an unending flow of people decrying and celebrating the current state of humanity!)

Hugs to All and... Onward We Go!!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[Faith]

@KimOct and @tgirlamg (I wish my mentions worked)

Thank you for the words. I try to express what I see and feel without judging. We all know where judging people gets us. I know I've used 'my opinion' before, I really try not to. Then again, everything I type is my opinion

[Stevie]

 When I first started transitioning I shared this same view, but that changed after the company I was working for moved operations to the east coast and I needed to find a job. I have worked in my profession for over thirty years for various companies working in product development/engineering and never had trouble finding work because of my reputation and experience.  Now companies that I had worked for in the past in the area where I was living would not return my calls or even interview me, some these people I had helped design very successful products for. I did have one of the co owners of one place tell me if it was up to him he would hire me but his partners thought having me there would be too disruptive and upset some the other people there.

As a result of this I needed to relocate as I need to work to support my family, I have two children who are disabled and I need to provide for them. I ended up up selling my house at a loss and moving 150 miles to where I had found a new job where they only know me as a woman.

Maybe if I was financially independent I would be more open, but I have a family to take care of.