Hi everyone. This is my first post, although I've lurked in chat off an on over the past year.
I'm a straight male who is supporting my ex in her uncertainty. A few years ago while in college, she became involved in the LGBTQ community and became more able to understand her feelings. She revealed to me that she is pansexual, that she gravitates toward women, and is unsure if she is transgender, bi or something else. We also have an amazing 8 year old daughter together.
During this journey things have been very up and down between us. She is often frustrated with me, her family, and her situation. Her family is very caring and heavily involved with the church, but they wouldn't be accepting of her feelings. They support the LGBTQ community, but they have the false belief that they need to gently guide people to the 'right' path and hope that God overlooks their 'transgressions.'
My ex began seeing other people before she opened up to me, and it resulted in us saying and doing things we both regret. We have moved beyond the initial feelings of betrayal I felt and we understand each other better. I very much want her to be happy, and we still live together as friends and to support our child, but in the three years since she told me, we've moved apart emotionally. She appreciates my continued friendship and support, but I fear she has begun to feel trapped and resents our situation. She has never been willing to share her private feelings with her family, and I think that she is afraid to move on for fear of embarassment. I think that telling them we broke up and are seperating would be unthinkable to her, so telling them she's interested in girls or is trans would be out of the question. She says she doesn't want to seperate for our daughter's sake, and she refuses to talk about her feelings with me anymore. She spends most nights out with friends, or goes to bed early with our daughter. The support she wants from me has become silent acceptance and unquestioning distance.
Please know that I'm not here for pity. Even if we rarely talk, I love my ex and our daughter, and I know we'll be friends as she works through this.
This experience has introduced me to some wondeful members of the LGBTQ community, and helped me to connect with feelings in mysef I had supressed. I am supportive of the community and I'm considering joining a local group. (I have social anxiety, which is a constant struggle in real life but not online.)
I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, or what I hope to accomplish or contribute, but I do hope I'm not unwelcome. If me being a part of the board is a problem, please feel free to say so.
