I found a new therapist (my previous one moved out of the area) and visited her last week. After telling her about my past and present issues, I had something weird happen. I keep having what I am assuming are panic attacks or some kind of PTSD reaction or something. I start feeling really cold, like when you have a fever and have the chills, and I start shaking pretty bad. My wife and I had a lengthy conversation last night where she shared some of her feelings. It wasn't all easy to hear, and I understand that my gender dysphoria and desire to transition are not easy for her. I had told her a few days before about the sudden bouts of feeling cold and shaking, but she hadn't witnessed it firsthand.
After our conversation, I was feeling very cold and knew what was about to happen. I told her I was feeling cold and was going to bed. A minute or so after getting in bed, the shaking started. A couple of minutes later she entered the room and was surprised by it. She didn't realize it was that bad. She thinks I have PTSD, but I am going to bring it up with my therapist and see what she thinks of it.
On a higher note, I had to travel for work today, and decided I wanted to do something that wouldn't make me feel like I am dying inside, so I went to Walgreens and bought some foundation, concealer, a beauty blender, and a few brushes. It was my first time ever experimenting with makeup. I posted some before and after photos in the Makeup forum. It didn't look amazing, but it was fun trying things and by the time I was done I didn't think it looked all that bad (besides the obvious stubble that was visible).
