Is this unusual?

[ImMel]

Hi. From the time he was a baby people mistook my son for a girl. This also occurred with regularity through his toddler years on into preschool. It wasn't because his hair was long nor did it have anything to do with the clothing he wore. By elementary and middle school the references were less overt. He was firmly established among his peers as a boy. He was (is) popular, etc. The girls thought him cute.

In the past two years or so his father has expressed some concern. My husband notes our son's lack of stature, his small hands, narrow shoulders, feminine chin etc. and wonders if something is amiss medically? Where's puberty? he wants to know. My reply was to show him a picture of Justin Bieber at 15. Don't worry, he's fine, I tell him. He's going to grow into a very handsome man.

Well, something happened; a long story - with when combined with my struggle to write even something on the back of a post-card - I'm just going to skip; the result of which we learn our son's hips are not those of a typical boy. I'm not talking Beyonce, just that they're definitely feminine; skinny - but feminine. We learn he's not all that bothered by it. I'm not trans, he preemptively announces. We're not concerned about you being trans my husband tells him; we're concerned about medical ramifications.**


**  Here's some ancillary info I shouldn't leave out. Upon seeing my son's hips I immediately started googling. Neither myself nor my husband has seen our son's genitals since he was a little boy and the googled results are suggesting tumors in undescended testicles...yikes : (

I should also note: no pediatrician or family doc has ever suggested there's anything wrong with our son and yes he's got a doctor's appointment next week. Which should make me feel better about the testicle thing, right?' but doesn't. Meanwhile I've spent most of the last 24 hours trying to understand medical terms that are way out of my purview and am worried sick. Should I be? and -though I know most of you aren't medical practitioners it's my guess many of you have accrued a substantial knowledge base, I beg your forbearance  and ask ...what might be going on?
Is it possible for a boy to naturally develop female sex characteristics?

I can't thank you enough for reading.

Mel

ps He's not taking anything. That is, to the best of my knowledge. He's not the kind of kid to hide stuff like that.

[Dena]

I suspect there isn't something serious to worry about but there is a puzzle. It sounds like it could be intersex however that's difficult to determine because it could have over 30 causes. Some can be detected by simple test and others require a costly genetic test.

I suspect the doctor will start with a physical exam and a blood test. The blood test would check hormone levels and at least some of the simpler genetic check. Additional tests may also be suggested such as a CAT scan or MRI. It will all depend on what the doctor finds.

Without putting a name to the condition, both of us are guessing however as your child has reached the age of 15, I doubt that there is anything life threatening.

[ImMel]

Dena
I swore up and down I wasn't going to worry over my children like my mother worried over me. Wrong
Which is why I'm so grateful you took the time to reply. 

Mel

[Linde]

Hello ImMel
I am a person who was born with more than one inersesyhdromes (the major one seems to be XXY Klinefelter syndrome)
I never did need any special health services, excpt that I have rather bad eyes, and got Type II diabetes later in life.  Those are very typical for persons wit Klinefelter.  But there are enough cis persons, which have similar health conditions.
When I grew up, nobody knew anything about intersex, etc., and I grew up as a male, I always looked different than my peers, and was subjected to quite a bit of bullying. Having o wear glasses did not help.  But otherwise my life was pretty OK.  I always was that girlish looking boy/man who had mostly female friends only.
Several years ago, my body decided to feminize more, and that was he time I started a slow transition to become a woman.  I am now a pretty hpp and well established woman, and enjoy my life a lot.  I just wished I would have become a female much earlier, and not have wasted many years trying to b a  man.

Please allow your son (daughter?) to live her life she feels she should live it and make sure that he/she feels not the same like I do, to have wasted many years trying to be some gender he/she can never be in reality!
If your child can live a normal live, being inersex will not cause any real health or mental problems, as long as you support the child and help her/him to develop along the path that feels right!

I wish you and your family lots of luck on your way

[ImMel]

Linde

That you wish you'd known sooner is key in your response; knowing yourself to be a Klinefelter's person earlier on would've been of benefit to you; which is analogous to a person (like my husband) who knows he needs to maintain a healthy diet and exercise regimen because his father and paternal aunt developed Type II diabetes in their early sixties. Same goes for our son.

How our son chooses to lead his life is his business. If he announced tomorrow that he's, say, a non-binary pansexual who's thinking about gender reassignment surgery, I would like to think he knows he has his parent's full support. To clarify something I wrote yesterday about my son preemptively telling us he's not trans: understand that he'd be completely convincing were he to present as female and he knows this and knows we know it. With him being as intelligent, intuitive and self-aware as he is it was him telling us 'you can rule trans out, I'm not trans and I'm not self medicating'.

Thank you, Linde, for taking the time to respond.

Mel   

[Linde]

Linde

That you wish you'd known sooner is key in your response; knowing yourself to be a Klinefelter's person earlier on would've been of benefit to you; which is analogous to a person (like my husband) who knows he needs to maintain a healthy diet and exercise regimen because his father and paternal aunt developed Type II diabetes in their early sixties. Same goes for our son.

How our son chooses to lead his life is his business. If he announced tomorrow that he's, say, a non-binary pansexual who's thinking about gender reassignment surgery, I would like to think he knows he has his parent's full support. To clarify something I wrote yesterday about my son preemptively telling us he's not trans: understand that he'd be completely convincing were he to present as female and he knows this and knows we know it. With him being as intelligent, intuitive and self-aware as he is it was him telling us 'you can rule trans out, I'm not trans and I'm not self medicating'.

Thank you, Linde, for taking the time to respond.

Mel

You are welcome, as a fellow prent I know who difficult it is to raise the kids into great adults!

I did not have any trans desires and ideas until about 16 years ago.  Until that time I tried to be a real tough man.  This trans thing came onto me like a  unexpected hailstorm, all of a sudden I was in the middle of becoming a woman!

Whatever gender your son wants to finally be, he needs your help and love for being allowed to be it.  It is hard enough for understanding for the individual involved, what funny and unexpected things chromosome mutations can do ones body and mind, he would not be able to live a good life without your support!

I wish all parents would be like you guys, and we would have way less suicides of young intersex and trans persons1

I wish you ll the best!
Hugs
Linde

[josie76]

ImMel,
I don't think you have much to worry about. Your son sounds like he is well adjusted and even if he were to be transgender, it sounds like he has fully supportive parents. That is the biggest key for him to be happy. There are any number of things that can create a slow puberty. I don't think he likely has anything to worry about.

I had a delayed puberty and even later in life lacked some common male traits. For me I'm happy I did lack those traits because I am transgender. My wider pelvis caused me concern growing up because I felt it could give away my secret but if I had not been trans I don't think I would have been bothered. It really was because in the age I was in school I was afraid to be me. Kids these days are really more accepting and making it easier for their peers to come out.

So while I have a feminine mind and a lower grade of PAIS (partial androgen insensitivity syndrome) I know a guy online who had a greater grade of PAIS and whose parents or doctors decided at birth to surgically select female for him after birth. He however has a male identity.

Just support your son and he will be fine no matter how he feels.