I relate to some degree. I'm not really on the transmasc spectrum because detransitioning from ftm so I did transition but then kinda realised oops that was the wrong route for me. I uhm... might have ended up on the transfem spectrum... somehow. I see myself as a woman now that I've figured myself out, and I'm afab so I guess I'm cis, but I don't quite look like it. I've a very deep voice, grow lots of facial and body hair, don't have tits anymore, my hairline receeded a bit, and so on. I did go off T but most of those changes are more or less permanent.
Except from my chest and hairline though, I'm actually quite fine with having those masculine features on my body. But it does make dating hard, and I do feel dysphoric about my chest and beard more than just occasionally, but not always. I'm a lesbian though, so I don't look into dating men. I'm already dating a close friend of mine, although we've only met online so far and are long distance. She's also a lesbian and I guess I kinda worry about things not working out between us, romantically and sexually.
I both worry about her not finding me as attractive in real life as she does online, and about my dysphoria not ruining my mood all the fripping time. But we do communicate very openly about everything, including this, so that's good.
So I mean I do relate in the sense my body doesn't quite match my gender either, although I can pass well enough if I wear a bucket-load of makeup and very feminine clothes, but I don't wanna wear that 24/7 in a relationship. Also don't wanna rely on shaving etc every day either.
I also get you on the point of wanting to start androgyny from an amab basis. You'd require more femininity in your style to even just appear gender neutral the more male your body and face looks. I'm afab but so thoroughly medically masculised that I do appear to be amab, even in a fem style. If I'm not mistaken for a gnc man I'm mistaken for a trans woman, basically. And it's way easier for me to pass as male now. Although I'm not very happy about being in that situation, now knowing I was never male in my gender to begin with... but the more thought I've put into it, the more I do like it. I guess maybe I'm just distressed cause now I'm not automatically read as female anymore. I both miss it and don't want it back at the same time. I guess that's a tricky situation to be in. I see myself as detransitioning because I stopped my medical transition and desisted (identify with my birth sex again) even if I'll not reverse anything.
I also relate on the dysphoria aspect (cause I'm often assumed to be amab, and struggle with my ambiguous body) and just not sure how to deal with that in intimate situations. It's gone awry before... I did date men before, and did hookups too. Let's just say that they were extremely inconsiderate of my limits, personal issues with identity, dysphoria, etc. So like on top of me not having been attracted to them, they were total douchebags as well. One even stalked me, several coerced me into sex, and worse. I'd be careful with cis men especially if you'd go for hookups.
I'm far from having fully figured myself out yet, but I'm pretty sure I wanna keep my beard (yes despite it making me dysphoric, cause I love it too), my body hair and not try to change my voice. Although I've been very on and off about that before and I might change my mind again and again before reaching a final conclusion. But I feel very sure about my gender being totally female, no matter what I'll decide to do with my appearance.
All throughout my transition and now in my detransition I always found that online dating was the best solution to loneliness. Me also living rather isolated (on a small island that belongs to Sweden) I know how hard it is to meet new people irl. Although with online dating of course comes the seemingly unavoidable creeps and ->-bleeped-<-... at least there are plenty of people there and a few of those might be decent enough and worth a shot.
