Hi everyone,
I just had some thoughts about my transition that I think will be fun to share. A little background, I've been on hrt to transition for the last 7ish months, but prior to that I was on and off a small dose of hormones to help with the pain and depression, but not to transition. Although there were minor changes during those periods the last 7 months have been nothing short of amazing. People around me can't tell I've changed, and that's by design, but someone who does know, and knows what to look for, can see the changes I see often without me saying anything.
1) BBQ Sauce. What happened to it??? I have always loved the BBQ flavor but now its not appealing at all. I''ve since fallen in love with the sweet and sour flavors that I had no interest in before.
2) Math. It has never been difficult for me. My entire life math came easy to me. Well not easy, I studied it like crazy as a child and then the rest of school, college and work life it has been easy. Now math is some foreign language that only other people can understand. I use math on a daily basis to run my business and now have the calculator and other related apps open all the time.
3) Left and Right. I get them confused all the time now, my wife just says "Look over there, look at that" and points instead.
4) Engineering(ish). I'm not an engineer but I've always been good with machines. My business uses machines and I work on them a lot. It's been more difficult seeing how things fit together. I just can't see it as clearly.
5) Driving. My lead foot has disappeared and it drives my spouse crazy. I'm now uncomfortable going fast.
6) Skin. My complexion is clearing up. My skin has reached a point where it would never be described as a mans skin and it's more sensitive to temperatures. I have to wait for clothes to cool down before pulling them out of the dryer and I used to use exclusively cold water when washing my hands but now I have to use a combination.
7) Hair. My head hair is shinier, fuller and softer. It's growing back in the areas that have thinned and started to bald. I know there's a a lot there that says it doesn't grow back during hrt but my hair is long, and the new growth is extremely noticeable when you see it.
Sleep. I used to fall asleep imagining a situation in which I was a woman. Every night, for years, that's how it went. After just a few days of hrt I couldn't do it anymore. The imagination for that purpose just wasn't there. I also need more of it. I used to get 4-6 hours and I was golden. Now if I don't get a solid 8 it takes a while to really get out of it.
9) Emotions. I used to be quick tempered, I ran hot and had a short fuse. Now, I'm calm, cool, patient, and understanding. I'm compliant and submissive at times. I just feel better about life. Before, while trying to suppress it, the littlest thing would set me off. Now life just feels good. Also, I get super emotional when it's my wife's time of the month. It's so odd. It's just for a day, a day and a half tops but sad and crying and its so unusual. I thought it was a fluke the first time it happened. I woke up crying and the rest of the day followed suit.
10) Cooking. Before, if I couldn't make it in a microwave in under 3 minutes I was simply not interested. The other night I made a multiple part meal for us just for fun and I had a blast.
11) Temperature. Before, I was always hot, always. My body was always warm, shorts, short sleeves, sandals in winter warm. My wife would hold my hands just to warm her up. Well that doesn't work anymore. She has to be warm in order to hold my hands. I always have a blanket(s) nearby. My go to at home is a hoodie. I am always cold.
12) Chest. My breasts have come in and have started to take shape. I think I'm more excited of the idea of having them than actually having them. I used to be a tummy sleeper and I now have to do it on a angle and have the help of a pillow to make it work. My nipples are always tender and bumping into things is an awful experience. Certain tasks at work are more difficult. Being active is also much different.
13) Mentally happier? I feel sad more often than I did before. But before I wasn't really sad, I was just mad. And the sad is a weird, oddly happier sad than before. Like, being sad doesn't depress me anymore. My anxiety is slowly getting better. My depression is getting more manageable. I finally have a desire to control my binge eating, as opposed to "just screw it". And I'm finally able to look into a mirror without being horrified now. The facial changes are minor, although I'm starting to see a girl underneath it all. I was never able to look into the mirror beyond just fixing something on my face or hair real quick. It might be my favorite part of what's happening.
14) Movies. No longer care for action movies. Its all about the story line now.
15) Appreciation. I appreciate pretty things now. Patterns, flowers, paintings, homes, decorations. I appreciate family and relationships more.
While I'm excited of truly becoming a woman, I'm going to miss certain aspects of being a man. Although, I wouldn't have survived much longer on that route. I'm not sprinting toward femininity like I thought I would. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and experience both sides, for either one more time or for the first time. I used to dream of becoming someone brand new, but now I just want to be me. And what whatever changes may come, I'll let come.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings about anything I've listed! If you know the reason something has changed, and I seem surprised by that change listed, I'd enjoy reading your explanation.
