An Aussie Girls Life

[Faith]

... now finally at peace ...

Peace, we could all use some. Granting it eases, yet at the same time .... I lost what I was trying to say.

We know the pain, we share your loss.

[Allie Jayne]

I feel for you Liz, I've had 4 dogs in my life, and our Kelpie, Molly, is in her 15th year, and deteriorating. They are all family, and my fist dog, Nipper, was the only one I could talk to about my gender issues. Celebrate the good memories and know you provided him with the best life possible. Poo, now I need a tissue...

Allie

[LizK]

Hi Everyone and thankyou all for the support I really appreciated all the lovely posts from everyone.

Its been a fairly rough week and today Meryl had to return back(after injuring her hand about 10 days ago) to work so it was my first day on my own. I have to say that I have been really surprised just how much I have missed having my little guy around and how much I have noticed him not being here. I have had several dogs over my lifetime and other pets as well. What surprised me so much this time is the level of grief I have felt over his loss. It really has taken me by surprise.

I will spend the next day or 2 catching up on what has been going on around here and then hopefully be able to participate once again. I have a new update for both my GCS thread and my voice thread with new voice recording to add now that I have had clearance form my voice surgeon.

Once again thank you all for the support and looking out for me...there are a number of threads I want to catch up on over the next few days.

Take care

Liz

[LizK]

I have taken up the "sport?"/ "Hobby" of metal detecting, apparently that makes me a detectorist... Interesting enough when I tell people they seem to find this quite amusing and start trying to make jokes about finding treasure. I don't actually do it for the "money" or jewels (yeah right) but for fitness. I am unable to walk at any pace due to my stupid hip but detecting is good exercise at a reasonable pace. So today I went out to do some detecting and when you do this you are going to get dirty so a pair of jeans, runners, hoddie, cap, knee protectors, gloves and "treasure bag"  are the order of wear....no jewellery...no make up...its kind of like the opposite of trying to pass...possibly the biggest downside in my case, however it doesn't stop me.

So there I was on the beach, headphones on listening for the detector to make a noise when I hear this guy yelling at me....beaming from ear to ear standing about 10 meters away with a plastic bag in hand and a squatting dog in fron of him... "Hey Mate...mate!... I got some gems right here for you if you want" "Hey mate come and detect this" I smile and wave...for some reason when ever I go detecting I get a lot of questions from small kids, dogs wanting to help me dig and the obligatory adults wanting to make a joke in this case I am pretty sure he thought he was talking to a guy...oh well so be it.

About 10 minutes later after a further 2 enquiries from dogs wanting to help, I look up and standing in front of me are two little girls, one about 3 and the other about 4...I inwardly cringe, we all know that the hardest passing test you can ever have is to pass in front of kids. I am not feeling to great after my last encounter and really don't feel like doing it again. The eldest little girl asked me if I was searching for treasure....I smiled at her and told her, yes that is exactly what I am doing..."she's searching for treasure mum...she's looking for jewels" screams the little girl to her mother off to one side... What follows is a very pleasant chat with the two very pregnant women  strolling along the beach with their kids....big smile on my face onwards I went, confidence spilling out all over the place.

I move on to a playground and again I am approached by a little boy this time who is probably 5 or 6 and is insistent on helping and if he had his way taking over. After a brief and somewhat pointless conversation(if you have had anything to do with kids then you will have had hundreds possibly thousands of these conversations.) "She's looking for treasure Grandpa" yells the little boy at the top of his lungs....talk about affirming. That just completed my day and I returned home shortly after this feeling pretty darn good about myself. No matter what my brain tells me it would appear that I do blend in....even with my harshest potential critics.

Take care

Liz

[CynthiaAnn]

That's a wonderful story Liz, and how great the little one's validation must have felt 

Did you find anything with the detector ?

C -

[LizK]

Hi C

A lot of bottle caps, About $10 in change, a couple bullet projectiles (fired), some sinkers and an assortment of wire...no too exciting but I cleared a playground of some particularly nasty objects like nails, screws, rusty barbed wire and that made me happy.

Liz

[CynthiaAnn]

Hi C

A lot of bottle caps, About $10 in change, a couple bullet projectiles (fired), some sinkers and an assortment of wire...no too exciting but I cleared a playground of some particularly nasty objects like nails, screws, rusty barbed wire and that made me happy.

Liz

Good for you finding the metal hazards !

Do you ever wonder, by removing potential hazards, like picking up nails and such (i do that when I spot one in the road for example), how these small actions might be actually be altering the course of events in the future, most will be insignificant, but sometimes I wonder if that nail I just picked up out of the road, saved someone's flat tire, avoiding an accident, that allowed some other action to occur, ok stop this Cynthia, you are just plain ditzy  .

Have a great day !

C -

[LizK]

Funny you should say but I was thinking about this today after clearing the playground and hoping I might have made a difference even if it was just a small one [emoji38]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Allie Jayne]

Sounds like that metal detector found affirmation in small bundles, that's a bit like treasure!!

Allie

[LizK]

Sounds like that metal detector found affirmation in small bundles, that's a bit like treasure!!

Allie

Allie I never thought about it like that but I think you are on to something 

Liz

[LizK]

IDAHOBIT

About 4 months ago I was contacted by the organisier of one of the locall LGBTQI+ groups, asking if I would be the guest speaker for their function for the International Day against Homophobia Biphobia Intersexism and Transphobia. The get together was Yesterday and the day itself was Friday.

Of course I left everything to the last minute but spent some time chatting about it with Cindy earlier in the week and then eventually wrote the speech on Thursday leaving me not too much time to actually practice it. Having said that I was really surprised about how well it went over and the reactions I got to it. When I finished one woman burst into tears telling me that IO had really moved her. Another non binary woman got up and gave a 2 minute thankyou about how much my speech had moved them. I was a little taken aback but it seemed that I had a hit on my hands with a number of people approaching me saying how it had resonated with them. Mission accomplished. The audience consisted of mainly Gay and lesbian people with one other trans woman attending and she was also happy with the message I had delivered. I had some specific things I wanted them to understand.

The speech itself was about 9 minutes and of course my voice was not really up to the task so I only made it about 1/2 way through before having to stop and have a drink...it really didn't seem to matter. 

So here is the speech I gave

"Thank you for the kind introduction and thanks for inviting me to share my perspective today for the International Day against Homophobia Biphobia Intersexism and Transphobia

My topic is Transphobia. I would like to preface this by saying I am speaking mainly from and about a Trans woman's point of view and only because that is where my experience lies so I apologies to the trans guys in advance You may hear using the term Cis and I us it only as a way of distinguishing between trans women and non-trans women but will try and refrain from any kind of jargon.

I was talking to a member here last month about today's presentation and I asked him what his experiences of homophobia were and at one point he pulled his jacket back slightly to reveal his T-shirt which read "Pride of the South" and said "I would not wear this in a lot of places in Adelaide as I would not feel safe to do so ." That got me to thinking about the differences in the ways we all experience prejudice So conversely if I am not wearing the "Pride T-shirt" then no one knows (nor cares) if I am gay lesbian or trans.

When thinking about how to describe how many Trans people experience aspects of Transphobia I realized that not all trans people actually experience discrimination in the same way or the same level.

What is transphobia? Wikipedia describes it

..the range of negative attitudes, feelings or actions toward transgender or transsexual people, or toward transsexuality. Transphobia can be emotional disgust, fear, violence, anger, or discomfort felt or expressed towards people who do not conform to society's gender expectation
When talking about transphobia I wanted to look at different ways people may experience it Transphobia can be said to be experienced at 3 levels

1.   Equality
2.   Tolerance
3.   Acceptance

Equality

Under Equality we are likely to find Trans men and women who fall into the category commonly known as being passable...being passable just means that you are seen to have an appearance that fits within what is expected by society ,in other words they look like everyone else. In terms of "wearing the Pride t-shirt" they are able to choose whether they want to show the t-shirt or remain covered up.

Andreja Peijic  is a Trans woman , super model and face of "Make Up For Ever" brand She is very successful even managing a to make the cover of Vogue and as such is deemed "passable"
In terms of the Pride T-shirt she gets to choose when and where she wears it and because she passes will likely experience very low levels of Transphobia

Tolerance

Or in other words people being tolerated for being trans because of what they do or who they are an example of this type of person could be someone like Catherine McGregor, She is known no only as an x service person but more commonly as cricketing commentator, who's "transness" is tolerated because of her ability to do her job.
She is tolerated or in terms of "wearing the pride shirt" even though she is wearing it openly it is pretty much ignored because of her role in society. The harm that Transphobia does is not felt any less because she is tolerated but the sheer quantity she experiences may be less because of it

Acceptance

By acceptance I simply mean, it is accepted that we exist. Trans women who fit into this category are often ridiculed in media and to their faces These Trans women through no fault of their own may appear far less feminie than a non trans woman. These women do not suffer any less distress at their situation than those who have equality or tolerance  but simply because they are dealt a vastly different hand in the physical looks department experience transphobia at vastly increased levels

Unfortunately our society is not quite so accepting for Trans women who appear more masculine which is common if they are in the early days of their transition when things like HRT and surgeries have not had a chance to work.
Trans women who fall into this category have to wear the "pride Tshirt" all the time no matter where they go or what they do and their Transness is on display for everyone to see

I want at this stage to look at the role the media has in shaping societies reaction of trans women. When we think about Trans people in society who do we think of? Do we think of the Catherine McGregor's of this world or do we think of the Klingers or maybe even the Tootsie's?

When trans people have traditionally been represented in Television or film projects they are either ridiculed and appear as the classical "Man in a dress" such as  Klinger or as the seductress trying to deceive a straight man "The crying Game"

When you look at many of the sitcoms in the later 90's and early 2000's that are being shown as reruns now on afternoon/ early evening TV, many of the themes and  ideas promoted in a number of these programs are misogynistic, homophobic and transphobic all under the guise of comedy.

Programs like Mash, Will and Grace or "Everybody loves Raymond", all have at least some content that by today's standards is not exactly favourable to Trans women. I have not selected these programs because they are particularly bad but just that they are still popular and run on main stream television. I don't think we can blame these sitcoms for all the woes of the Transgender community but as another example the kind of messaging still being broadcast.
The newer shows like Orange is the new black and the popular Transparent show Trans women in a very different light trying to humanise them and exploring the difficulties they face in a way that shows empathy. In the particular case of these two programs they seem to do a pretty good job of it.

Just to finish off with a more modern example of a role our media can play
I watch recently My Kitchen rules where one contestant made a very personal suggestion about another causing a ruckus. The build-up for the reveal of the comment was done over a week with adverts shouting about... what could the protagonist possibly say to invoke such an extreme response? How terrible it was to be "accused" of this thing"
"Did the person leave the show?" and on and on it went.

The night the show aired I watched absolutely surprised at the reaction of the entire 24 people sat around this table at one of the restaurant rounds where it was finally revealed that one contestant had suggested to woman that she may be transgender. Shock horror!!"not that there is anything wrong with that" was the rapid follow up by many, however the reaction by many was one of utter distaste... So I have to ask the question

Have we really come that far at all??

here are a couple of sobering statistics for you to consider from the Trans Murder Monitoring project

Nearly 3000 transgender people were murdered over the last decade worldwide. The most common causes of death were shooting, stabbing and beating.

The number of trans people reported murdered each year by TMM** has risen steadily, from 148 in 2008 to 358 for the year 2018.

**Sources: Trans Murder Monitoring, Trans Respect versus Transphobia Worldwide, Human Rights Commission

I would just like to finish with some final thoughts

When it comes to whether you experience discrimination I would like to put it this way.

When you are a Trans woman who fits into the category where you are accepted at only an existence level and seen by many in our society as a "man in a dress" then you will experience Transphobia at disproportionately higher levels.

You never get to take your "Pride T-shirt" off

You never get to cover it over

You wear your pride T-shirt every day of your life , everywhere you go.

Thankyou for your time"

[Cindy]

AWESOME

[LizK]

Thanks so much for the help

[Allie Jayne]

Great speech, and well researched! Did you get much feedback?

I came out to my boss last week, and she was very accepting, as I knew she would be. She agreed to sit on it until I was ready to come out to everyone. We celebrate IDAHOBIT day at work and my boss got into a little trouble last year by sending out a description of different animals which change sex as part of their normal biology. Some exec felt it wasn't appropriate. Anyway, my boss missed IDAHOBIT day this year, but told me she was really excited for next year as we would have the best story to tell! I haven't put a date to my coming out at work, but my boss tells me she thought a lot about what I told her last week and she thinks it is just the best thing she has heard in ages, and she can't wait to welcome me at work as a woman. I just know I will be the centre of attention at work this time next year! I might need to borrow some of your speech....

Allie

[Jessica]

Wonderful speech Liz!

[Northern Star Girl]

@LizK
Dear Liz:.
I agree with all of the other comments regarding your speech that you presented.   
I am most impressed with how you discussed and explained some of the key issues involved.
Your presentation could obviously be appropriate in other similar group settings.... get the word out, you could be a busy woman doing speeches around the country.

Thank you or sharing your wisdom and your thoughts.
HUGS,
Danielle

[Kendra]

Liz, wow.  Eloquent and spot-on.

Bookmarked. 

[Michelle_P]

Very well done speech, Liz!

Congratulations!

[LizK]

@Michelle_P @Kendra @Alaskan Danielle @Jessica @Danielle

Thank you all for the kind words...it certainly was an experience and I am sure it is something I will repeat if asked.

I have my orientation next week to being volunteer work for the Bfriend orgainsation which is a non for profit support network for LGBTQI+. Sounds like I am the only the only Transgender mentor on staff and they have someone they want to to match me up with already.

@Allie Jayne

Yes I got some really good feedback. One woman burst into tears when I finished and told me how much I had moved her another got up spontaneously and thanked me. I had numerous women come up to me and thank me for the speech and how great it was. All in all some great feedback.

[Allie Jayne]

@Michelle_P @Kendra @Alaskan Danielle @Jessica @Danielle


@Allie Jayne

Yes I got some really good feedback. One woman burst into tears when I finished and told me how much I had moved her another got up spontaneously and thanked me. I had numerous women come up to me and thank me for the speech and how great it was. All in all some great feedback.

Wow, you must be thrilled!

Allie