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Mensplaining

Started by Linde, February 20, 2019, 06:13:50 PM

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Linde

Tody, for the first time in my life, I experienced what meanspaining means if you are not on the guy side!  one feels really stupid getting treated like an idiot!

One of my car tires hd a slow air leak (~5 lbs overnight), and I finally got sick and tires to pump it up every morning, and I made the mistake and went in female mode to a Firestone Service Center.  They found a little cut in the side wall, ad I had to ge a new tire.  My car uses a funny size (19 x 45 x 55), and the tire had to be ordered in (those special tires are not cheap, not at all!).  And they told me that they would do one of those multiple checks they generally do.  The shop manager came back and said that air and cabin filter are dirty (he showed them to me, and I knew they needed to be changed anyway).  And after that came the bummer!  He told me that the timing belt better be changed at the mileage I had on, and they had taken a look and it looked a little bit cracked.  I asked how critical that is, and he old me that it could lead to a fatal engine failure!  I better get it changed, it is only some $$$ to do this.

I said that it is really darn critical, because my engine has a timing chain, and if that has cracks in it, it is darn dangerous!  But it is not know that a timing chain ever had cracks. 
I wish I would have taken a picture of that guys ace, he really looked like it was full of egg!  He said, oh, I must have looked at the wrong car, and went away.

They thought they could fleece an older woman, cause what do older women know about cars anyway!  Scare them a little, and they pull out their pocket book!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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jill610

Welcome to the club, it's oddly confirming and infuriating at the same time right? One of the things I miss the most is the assumption of competence, but personally I would rather be mansplained than be a man every single time.

I found that through tire rack I can set up a mobile tire install at my home or work [emoji3590] and it costs the same as going into the shop :)


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Northern Star Girl

@Dietlind
Dear Linde:
I very much enjoyed reading your Mensplaining post....   that was a nice catch about the timing chain versus a timing belt.   A customer that didn't know that fact about their own car would have be out hundreds of dollars for un-neccesary and un-needed repairs.

My serious question to you is why did you stay and do any business with an apparently unethical shop?... particuarly since they just proved their dishonesty ???
I would have left immediately and found another shop to give my hard earned money to.   This is less of a mensplaining isssue than it is about their honesty.   
Many cis-men, not just women would fall prey to such repair suggestions from a shop like that.

I do get it about mensplaining for sure... I see plenty of that up here with all the rugged outdoors-men thinking that a woman needs explanations about anything mechanical, electrical or technical.

Thank you for posting your experience, I wish you had a picture of the mechanics face when the timing chain discussion was taking place!!!   PRICELESS !!!!!

I trust that your post-op recovery is going well for you...
Wishing you well and a great big HUG!!!
Danielle

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Linde

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 20, 2019, 06:25:53 PM
@Dietlind
Dear Linde:
I very much enjoyed reading your Mensplaining post....   that was a nice catch about the timing chain versus a timing belt.   A customer that didn't know that fact about their own car would have be out hundreds of dollars for un-neccesary and un-needed repairs.

My serious question to you is why did you stay and do any business with an apparently unethical shop?... particuarly since they just proved their dishonesty ???
I would have left immediately and found another shop to give my hard earned money to.   This is less of a mensplaining isssue than it is about their honesty.   
Many cis-men, not just women would fall prey to such repair suggestions from a shop like that.

I do get it about mensplaining for sure... I see plenty of that up here with all the rugged outdoors-men thinking that a woman needs explanations about anything mechanical, electrical or technical.

Thank you for posting your experience, I wish you had a picture of the mechanics face when the timing chain discussion was taking place!!!   PRICELESS !!!!!

I trust that your post-op recovery is going well for you...
Wishing you well and a great big HUG!!!
Danielle

Danielle, I stayed because I needed that tire, and those funny sized tires are hard to get by.  This is the only Firestone shop in town, and I trust those others even less!  The reason that I need that tire is because I have to report early for surgery, and after that I might have a hard time to inflate my tire every morning.

I know, I could have done a better planning, but I am somewhat of an procrastinator, and sometimes wait until the last minute to get oe stuff done!  This was one of he last moment situations!

On the other hand, it was really fun to see this guys face, and his chin dropping to the floor!  >:-)

Thanks for the well wishes and the hugs, I am still a little bit scared (that woozy feeling in the tummy)
Linde
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Jessica

Chin drop.....love it!

Good luck with your surgery Linde 🌸🌸🌸

Hugs and smiles, Jess

"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."


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Linde

Quote from: Jessica on February 20, 2019, 09:58:28 PM
Chin drop.....love it!

Good luck with your surgery Linde 🌸🌸🌸

Hugs and smiles, Jess
Thanks Jess!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Rachel_Christina

What sort of strange tyre measurement is that?

I'm running 225 40 R14 on my 86 Passat?

I think theres something wrong with your measurements?...


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Linde

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on February 21, 2019, 02:13:55 AM
What sort of strange tyre measurement is that?

I'm running 225 40 R14 on my 86 Passat?

I think theres something wrong with your measurements?...
You are correct!
It is 255 45 R19
It is indeed a strange measurement!  Tires are relatively hard to find for this car., and are very expensive.  I was out of the door for $225 for a single tire!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Rachel_Christina

You could try that Oponeo website. Its great for weird sizes!


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jill610

That's a normal late model Mustang tire size. Very common but you're right most places don't stick it.

By the way you can usually go +\- 1 size on either the width or aspect without a material change. Speedo would be off slightly.

https://m.tirerack.com/tires/TireSearchResults.jsp?zip-code=19335&width=255/&ratio=45&diameter=19&rearWidth=255/&rearRatio=40&rearDiameter=17#0


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NatalieRene

I feel your pain.

Firestone tried to tell me my turbo in my Cruze was leaking oil and when I called them out on it they said it's cold maybe it was condinsation. Like water droplets look anything like oil. I'm not a mechanical person by any means but I know I have a timing chain, a accessory belt and water oil looks like.

Not to mention the car has over 115,000 miles on the clock so I check the oil often to make sure that it isn't burning oil and I already knew that my oil levels have been very stable and not leaking.
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Linde

Quote from: Rachel_Christina on February 21, 2019, 05:43:15 AM
You could try that Oponeo website. Its great for weird sizes!
I normally use the Tire Rack, but I needed the tire urgently because of my upcoming surgery.

I have never heard about that site, and have to take a look at it!
Thanks!
Linde
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Julia1996

Mansplaining is one thing that annoys me to no end! And it happens to me a lot unfortunately. Some more annoying than others. Once when we had the A/C serviced the service guy gave me a lecture about why it is important to change the filters regularly and what the filter actually does, as if I was too stupid to know the purpose of a filter. Then he told me he was recharging the freon and then started explaining what freon is and how it cooled the air. He used a tone of voice like he was explaining something to a 3 year old! Yeah, thanks for the science lesson there Mr. Wizzard but I was allowed to go to school even if it was a waste to educate a stupid female. Ugh!  And I have had a couple of incidents with the old fart at the kirby service center. Once I went in there to get some belts and he came around the counter and said if I open my trunk he would bring the vacuum in so he could put the belt on it for me. I told him I didn't bring the vacuum with me. He said " oh, do you have someone at home who can put the belt on for you"? I told him I thought I could manage myself. Then he told me I should just bring it in and let him do it for me! I told him I wasn't an idiot and that I wasn't trying to build a nuclear reactor I was just changing a belt!  Then as I was leaving he told me they were open until 6 if I needed to bring it in for him to do it. Another time I went in there for bags and he asked me if I was sure I got the right ones because once the package was opened he couldn't exchange them. I told him I knew what type of bags i needed and he said it wasn't uncommon for "you ladies" to get it mixed up and that he always felt bad when he couldn't exchange them for someone if the package was opened. I guess women are only just smart enough to use a vacuum but need a man to tell us what bags to buy! Ugh!

Being mansplained by strangers is bad enough but I get it from my family as well. Tristan has learned how much mansplaining annoys me so he doesn't do it very often. Buy my dad and brother do. Every time I cut Tyler's hair, without fail, he gives me a lecture on keeping my clippers cleaned and oiled. I only use clippers every day at work. But I guess I need a man to tell me how to take care of them. I wonder if they would still work after I hit Tyler in the head with them. He will even mansplain things I know far more about than he does! Tyler needs a recipe to make toast yet he will try to mansplain cooking to ME! He was watching me cook dinner once and he said " you're supposed to cook fresh garlic last. If you put it in too early it will burn". Really? Thanks for the tip there Tyler Florence!  My dad mansplains things too in the most irritating way. He uses the tone of voice one would use to explain something to a small child. Of course that really annoys the hell out of me and it makes me get snippy. Then he will say " don't get all snippy pumpkin, I'm just trying to explain something to you". And he says that in that same "speaking to a small child" tone of voice! Aghhh!  It makes me want to just smack him!

I really don't know why men think they are so much smarter than women. Usually the opposite is true! Mansplaining is one of the absolute most annoying Male behaviors!! It should be punishable by a year of prison and hard labor!
Julia


Born 1998
Started hrt 2015
SRS done 5/21/2018
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zirconia

#13
Quote from: Julia1996 on February 21, 2019, 01:55:17 PM
Once I went in there to get some belts and he came around the counter and said if I open my trunk he would bring the vacuum in so he could put the belt on it for me. I told him I didn't bring the vacuum with me. He said " oh, do you have someone at home who can put the belt on for you"? I told him I thought I could manage myself. Then he told me I should just bring it in and let him do it for me! I told him I wasn't an idiot and that I wasn't trying to build a nuclear reactor I was just changing a belt!  Then as I was leaving he told me they were open until 6 if I needed to bring it in for him to do it.

Something a bit similar happened to me two days ago when I went to a service station to buy new wiper blades. The attendant wanted to put them in, but since I needed to go shopping I replied that I'd do it myself later. That bought me a worried look, two queries whether I was sure I knew how to, and finally a suggestion to come back if I had problems.

Is mansplaining still the right term to use when the person who does this is female?
Edit: Yes, the attendant was a woman.
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Linde

Quote from: zirconia on February 21, 2019, 03:25:48 PM

Is mansplaining still the right term to use when the person who does this is female?
You means a female to a female?  I never had the experience that a female did it to me when I was presenting as a male!

I had MD's explaining me stuff they new, because I made it public as a research finding!  Is that doctorsplaining?
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Alanna1990

well... this happens a lot, but it also means that they're more willing to do more things for me, and that's always good, I just pretend I'm a happy-go-lucky bubble head and men do everything for me, sometimes I even say I don't know stuff on purpose to get the extra help.

I get it can be annoying to some, since we obviously ain't stupid, but honestly, receiving all the attention and extra free services is really nice, and if I'm extra happy and flattering to their "awesome skills and knowledge" I might even get something else for free, I just take advantage of what I can!

PD: I don't like it when my husband does it tho', I already have him in the bag, I don't need to pretend I'm dumb with him, I know my stuff
  •  

zirconia

Quote from: Dietlind on February 21, 2019, 04:32:54 PM
You means a female to a female?  I never had the experience that a female did it to me when I was presenting as a male!

I guess I didn't think of asking her whether she thought I was male or female...(๑╹ω╹๑ )
Anyway, it's pretty common. I only recalled this incident because it was very recent and I happened to read this post. I generally assume the other party is just being considerate, and say thank you.

My mother acts similarly, I guess. When young nurses give her detailed lectures at hospitals she never tells them her credentials, and instead just smiles and thanks them.

Hm. This brings up more questions. Let's add them to the list...

-Is mansplaining still the right term to use when the person who does this is female?
-Does the term only apply only when the subject of concern is offended?
-If so, does it apply without exception whenever the subject is offended?
-If it does, does the term turn benign when e.g. only one of multiple concurrent subjects is offended by the concern shown, and the others are not?
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Lady Sarah

Mu hubby did an oil change on my minivan when i noticed oil on the front of the engine. I knew the valve cover gasket was blown. I bought a set so a co-worker  of his could replace it. He tried to tell me I'd  need a few other items, then tried to tell me it could be just a sensor. I told him to just fix it, and I'd  pay him for it.

When I went back to pick up my van, the job was done. The guy had to admit that the only problem was from the 14 year old valve cover gaskets leaking. Instead of charging me the $150 he quoted, he only charged me $100.

I may know jack about engines, but I can tell where a leak comes from.
started HRT: July 13, 1991
orchi: December 23, 1994
trach shave: November, 1998
married: August 16, 2015
Back surgery: October 20, 2016
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CynthiaAnn

Quote from: Alanna1990 on February 21, 2019, 08:52:51 PM
I get it can be annoying to some, since we obviously ain't stupid, but honestly, receiving all the attention and extra free services is really nice, and if I'm extra happy and flattering to their "awesome skills and knowledge" I might even get something else for free, I just take advantage of what I can!

I like this above !! you take a step back when entering the world of women and it's an adjustment. I apply this above in my work, because the world is full of "know it alls". I've had over 40 years experience in IT and yet I humble myself when faced with a "man splaner" at work. In an odd way it can be "validating". I like to "milk" their egos a little, you get much farther that way, I ask far more questions as a woman, and it works. You learn the ways of speaking in question...

C -
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