Have you ever been “outed”? How did things turn out because of that?

[Lisa89125]

Danielle, Thanks for the reply.

It's an interesting question and one I will probably ponder for a while. I couldn't believe it when you said your dentist knew. Like say what? They can tell just from our mouths. It all makes sense though. 

Lisa

[Melinda@heart]

Danielle, I've meant to ask you a question, Does that apply if one transitions before natural puberty and takes estrogen instead of T during the natural puberty period? Hope that makes sense?

Lisa

Have to ever watched the show I Am Jazz? From what I can gather she was put on Puberty blockers for several years very young, then started HRT in her teens. (Please correct me if I'm wrong). The results? She looks and sounds like a typical teenage girl. From what I've seen she's physically a female except for her micro penis. In one season she was told due to the lack of penile development she would have to go with the colon(I dont recall the exact name) vaginoplasty. She was worried about the smell and decided to consult with other surgeons. Unfortunately, that was the last episode I watched.

So, if you ask me, it appears that indeed starting puberty blockers and HRT early enough will give you very similar body structure. I would be interested to see if none structure, such as her hips, match a cis female.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

[Lisa89125]

Melinda, I've been Watching her show since season 1. Honestly, If it was not for her show I don't think I would have ever confronted my own GID. Her show was the turning point in my life and the first real exposure to ->-bleeped-<-. She's had her GCS and a good portion of it will be in the new season which starts on Jan 1 on TLC. She has a youtube channel with some updates on her healing and how she's doing since having GCS. I've wondered too if her hips are the same as a cis female? She's lucky if she does.

Lisa

[HollyKay]

Hello.  @Lisa89125

GID is no longer used.  It is now called "gender dysphoria" because being transgender is not a mental disorder. See DSM Version 5 (2013).  There have also been a couple more changes.

The word "transexualism" is not used either. This is because to qualify as an "ism", it must meet criteria specifically:  "a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement.", and "a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory. An oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief."

Changes:

DSM 5 (2013) ∗...from transsexualism to gender dysphoria

ICD 11 Alpha  ∗...from transsexualism to gender incongruence
                         ∗...move from mental disorders chapter to new chapter including sexual health

In DSM 6, No diagnostic code  --YAY!!!

Now I know that you may be thinking that I am being the word police, and I guess you would be right. I am a firm believer that our rights, recognition, and livelihoods depend on being clear that we do not have mental disorders. We are not mentally ill.  By using outdated wording, it does a disservice to all the work that has been done. This means a lot to me, and I come from a place of sincerity for this post. Best. Holly

[Northern Star Girl]

@HollyKay
Dear Holly:
    I am happy to see that you have joined Susan's Place and that you have submitted your first several postings here on various threads around the Forums.
    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that I have included below.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

@HollyKay     
Oh, and another thing Holly...
Please plan to find your way to the Introductions Forum so that other members will be aware of your arrival.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE:  Now I will let everyone have the thread back so you can pursue the answers you are seeking.

[HollyKay]

Thank you, "Alaskan" Danielle!  I have actually read this forum for several years. I finally realized that I should really offer up some of my perspectives on surgeries, life experiences, and transitioning in general.  I am very happy to be here. Holly

[Lisa_K]

The word "transexualism" is not used either. This is because to qualify as an "ism", it must meet criteria specifically:  "a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy, typically a political ideology or an artistic movement.", and "a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory. An oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief."

Wearing my own language police hat, I have to say hang on a minute! You seem to have that backwards? Transsexualism is an ism. It is "->-bleeped-<-" that is not because it is absolutely nowhere close to a distinctive anything. That's why transgender is said to be an umbrella term because it includes just about everything under the sun.

Transsexual fell from disfavor for political reasons at the behest of what I sometimes cynically refer to as the Transgender Taliban that others have more contemptuously referred to the Transgender Borg Collective. Because transsexual has the word sex in it and such impolite things must be distanced from lest the general public consider us all sexual deviants and perverts and the fact that the porn industry picked up the word and ran with it because it does have the word sex in it, delicate sensibilities, political correctness and inclusivity of "everything under the sun" is why transgender is the term of the day preferred by some but certainly not by all.

Transsexual is still widely used by the medical profession and in research communities to refer to those persons that actually "change sex" i.e. have SRS, an acronym also diminished for having the word sex in it politically motivated to be replaced with things like GCS, GRS, GAS, etc. This is a unique and distinctive group that indeed represents an ism. Furthermore, "transsexuals" has always been used as a noun further denoting ism-ness while "transgenders" used as a noun is considered grammatically incorrect because it's an adjective. Go figure?

The more encompassing term of gender dysphoria was coined in a 1974 paper by Dr. Donald Laub out of Stanford realizing that many people and in fact most people presenting for treatment fell outside of the strict gatekeeping criteria at the time for being transsexual but could be helped nevertheless. This concept rapidly grew in acceptance and the term Gender Dysphoria Syndrome was frequently used until Gender Identity Disorder entered the DSM in 1980.

For what it's worth, I never have and never will use transgender as a self-descriptive term as gender is something as a trans kid I have never transed and having my own sensibilities, prefer to distance myself from the vagueness and confusion of the word's meaning that is being equated by many in today's popular culture to mean a woman with a penis. Transsexual is something that better describes my experience as the outwardly and observable sex of my body as female when I'm naked is what was transed, like nearly 42 years ago.

In DSM 6, No diagnostic code  --YAY!!!

Y'all thinking about insurance coverage for medical care darn well better hope there's a diagnostic code for something somewhere or you're going to be SOL.


<edit by moderator>

[HollyKay]

That should have read "->-bleeped-<-", thanks for catching that. Not that I believe that I'm wrong with either "ism".  I understand that each person has a right to self identify, and should therefore be entitled to the best word that they identify with, without inadvertently making a comment that is derogatory. I use transgender myself, and I have heard of other descriptors from other people like "non-cisgender", and a few others. I just go with it. I am one of those folks that the word transsexual fell out of favour with for several reasons, which you do clearly have a solid grasp on from your post, so no need to reiterate. The one other reason is because I believe that it is trans* folks, who should be choosing the words that best describe themselves, not some doctor that coined the phrase during a time of medical ignorance. But that's a side note. Transsexual, to me at least is someone who is trans-amorous (sexually attracted to trans people). But my opinions are again different from others. Bisexual, Pansexual, Heterosexual, Transexual....You get the point. Doesn't make me right, just my opinion.

Getting back on track, transexualism by my understanding is not a thing for the dictionary definition of "ism".  Regardless of my personal beliefs, that still remains.  I could explain how it is none of the things listed in the definition, but that may be lengthy and time consuming, and serve no other purpose than to demonstrate my own stubbornness.  Although people have tried to use transgender as a noun, it simply isn't.  Although people have used transexual as a noun, and for a long time, It has yet to be understood why. I imagine for the same reasons why people try to say the made up word "transgenders", but who knows. One thing to mention is that we also don't say "transgendered" because it isn't something that has happened to me, I was born this way.  Whether you identify as transgender or transexual, neither are nouns. According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary both are adjectives. 

For what it is worth, some form of incongruent is better than transgender, to describe myself. Mostly because I never changed my gender, I have always been the gender that I am. But new understandings pave way for new ways to describe folks. Let's wait and see. I am always subject to correction and change of opinion.

I think it is completely okay for you to say "I am transexual". I may argue with your choice of words if you said: "I  am a transexual", though. Hopefully in my rambling I have been clear on why, though. (On the subject of word police that is). 

I've never heard the terms "Transgender Taliban" or the Transgender Borg Collective".  I would, given the choice, go with the latter.  Mostly because "We are transgender. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile". LOL.  😎

I've enjoyed reading your views on things.  FYI, insurance companies will figure something out.  I wouldn't worry. They will likely code it like they do now. They don't care about being politically correct, they just want it to do what they ask it to.  Anyways, thanks for catching that typo, and for the chat. Sorry for hijacking the thread, perhaps that does make me a Transgender Taliban! 


<edit by moderator>

[Julia1996]

Yes I have. My dad outed me. I had been at a friends house and used her electric rollers to curl my hair and had tried out her new liquid eyeliner. When I got home my mom started asking me what I did to my hair, that it made me look more like a girl, why was I wearing eyeliner, blah,blah. Then my dad asked me if I wanted to be a girl. He told me if I did that it was ok but that I needed to get it done while I was young. Two months later I was in therapy and had started hrt. So the outcome was good.

On 2 occasions people I had gone to school with outed me to Tristan when they saw us in public. In both cases these people went out of their way to tell Tristan I was trans. Of course he already knew that so no damage done except for me being embarrassed. The first time we were at the mall and this stupid girl I went to school with happened to be there with two other girls I also went to school with. She came over to us and said to Tristan " I thought you might want to know your "girlfriend" , and she did air quotes when she said it, used to be a boy. His name was Julian. We went to school with him." And she made sure to stress "him".  Tristan said he knew everything he needed to know about me. She snorted and said " fine, if you want to be with something like that"! Tristan said " pretty uppity for a swamp donkey, aren't you love"? That made the 2 girls she was with start laughing as well as me,  and she scampered away quickly.

The second incident happened when we were in line at a theater. This time it was a guy I went to school with and his girlfriend. He came up to Tristan, pointed at me and said " that's really a guy dude. Thought you should know". Tristan said " she's not a guy, she's a trans girl". The guy said " well as long as you know she has a Dick or if she doesn't now she did have one". Tristan said " you need to shut up and get out of my face. If you have anything else to say we can talk outside. Got anything else to say mate?....didn't think so". The guy shut up and left quickly.

I really don't know why people feel the need to out a trans person. Not only is it mean but it's potentially dangerous. If Tristan had not known I was trans I could have been in extreme danger. Tristan is 6'5 and very muscular. He could have totally destroyed me if he hadn't known I was trans and got pissed off over finding out I was. People really need to stop and think about what they could cause by outing a trans person.

[HumanBeing]

Yes.
My ex felt like she was lying to her family and kids. (even though I made it clear from day 1 I didn't want to disclose my status) she went ahead and told everyone anyway which was brilliant. Many things have happened and she has made me resent and hate her.
At first she seemed understanding and towards the end it seemed as if she was battling with it. I personally don't even think about my transition or anything like that. I just live my life. But her actions and certain circumstances regarding her has brought my disphoria back. I haven't been disphoric for 3/4 years and I've been transitioning for  4/5 years now so that's messed me up big time.

[judithlynn]

Yes;
I have been outed thrice.

The first time it happened in Oxford Street outside Selfridges. I was standing waiting for a bus when some Eastern European kid panhandling, suddenly shouted at the top of his voice -this is a man (I had a summer dress on, high heels etc), because I would not give him any change. I have no idea what caused it as I passed pretty well then. I just turned and walked across the street disappearing into the throng of people and took a tube instead from Bond St station.

The second time was in Exeter and it was quite by chance. I was crossing the road near Central station on my way to my beauty therapist for some Electrolysis and suddenly there was a big gust of wind and my dress blew up and to make matters much worse, my wig come off my head and I had to run (in heels) to grab it. Unfortunately there was a group of  young men in a car that had stopped to let me across the pedestrian crossing who leaned out of the car shouting obscenities. I literally grabbed my wig up and ran into my beauticians  and promptly burst into tears.

The third time was more consequential. Some 30 years ago I lived full time in Milton Keynes. I had been living  as a woman by then for a couple of years and was working for a UK bank as a Legal secretary in their main Admin office. The group of girls on my floor invited me to go out to a night club  on a Friday night and towards the end of the evening  I was on the dance floor (heels discarded) and the music changed to a low number upon which one of the young men decided he wanted to get close and personal. It had a lovely night with the girls and I had too much white wine, anyway we got too close and he had "wandering hands syndrome" and discovered something that wasn't supposed to be there. Nothing was said at the time, but the following two weeks the whispering campaign started and eventually I got called up  before HR and was asked straight out was I a TS. I couldn't deny it, so said yes. I then showed them my carry letter from the GIC in Hammersmith, which explained that as part of my transition I had to wear female clothes. They wanted to know why I had not disclosed it when I was hired. I said would you have hired me if you had known. The HR lady said the answer was No!. I asked why now , was my work of poor quality. They said not at all, in fact my female boss (who knew as I had told her), was full of my praises  and said I was both hardworking and a well adjusted young woman who always dressed both modestly and  behaved perfectly. However all that was in vain as I got fired. The end result was no reference and all my hard work  at transitioning destroyed in an instance.. Basically in the end I was forced to de-transition. Thats why  some 30 years on I am on my second transition.

Judith Lynn

[Tribble]

@judithlynn, I'm so sorry that happened to you!

I'm wondering if the OP means after transitioning or before or all situations.

I've been outed by people I know at least four times.

First time was that I used to get my cousin to shop with me so I could gather some form of wardrobe before I announced to my family and transitioned.  Her mom kept pressing her on why I was spending so much time shopping with her and she finally broke down and told her mom.  It wasn't long after that I was getting "looks" at family gatherings.  She told me what had happened and I wrote my coming-out letter.  Most of my family was supportive.

When I told my best friend of almost two decades, he immediately told his girlfriend.  I felt an awkwardness when I saw her the few more times I did (true to form, their relationship didn't last much longer...a pattern for him).

Next was when my eventual husband moved to my state.  He basically got off of a plane and we went to my parents' house for my mom's doctoral graduation party.  My dad went around introducing me as my new (3-years by then), legal name, but added, "You may have known him as XX."  He wasn't being malicious in any way, but he did not understand how embarrassing it was.

Finally, about a year before my husband and I married, he told his brother, who he'd been dreading telling as he was afraid to lose his one remaining brother that he talked to and was friends with.  His brother promptly told his daughter, who, for being from the South is exceptionally open-minded.  No harm was done, but it was still completely inconsiderate of him (similar to my ex-friend).

Long, long, long before transition, when I was in middle school or so, my mom found an article of clothing that I should not have had, according to society.  I admit I had stolen it from one of my cousins on a recent family trip.  She asked me if I wanted to be a girl.  Very meekly, I said, "No..."  I wish she had been like an earlier poster above that said her father was supportive and it led to her transitioning within months.  My mom doubted, but gladly accepted my answer and forgot about the entire situation to this day.  I've brought it up to her in the last year or so and she says she doesn't remember it at all.  Oh, how things could have been different!