Quote from: Tribble on March 16, 2019, 10:57:18 AM
My brother got all of my dad's genes when it comes to talking. I seem to have received my mom's. She's pretty awkward, too, and talks as little as possible.
It's funny, I can talk and talk and talk and I'm perfectly comfortable on the phone with whomever I'm talking to, but as soon as you plop me down in a real-life social gathering, unless it's a subject that I'm really interested in or have some measure of knowledge about, I'm quiet as a mouse. The gatherings I've gone to in recent years have been more painful than staying home alone, even in groups of people that are exceptionally non-judgemental and accepting.
You may have touched on one of the reasons I'm uncomfortable in groups of women, though. I don't share many of their life experiences. I don't like cooking, I get hot and I tend to "glisten" and get tunnel vision when clothes shopping and even if I didn't get my dad's conversational abilities, I was the beneficiary of most of his interests and very few of my mom's.
Social interactions are just one more issue I need to work on in therapy, but that's more of a skill thing than an identity thing.
Hi, Tribble. Are you familiar with personality theory? More specifically the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)? The reason I ask is that the traits you are describing are quite common to types INFP and INFJ. And, the things like writing batches of text, overthinking things (repeatedly), as well the feeling of not fitting in very well is also common to the type.
As you can see from my signature, etc, I am a gender fluid person. (I am also an INFP and have a few INFP and INFJ friends... which is a rarity in itself.) As a NB/Genderfluid person, I don't fit with the males, I don't fit with the females, and flow back and forth between the poles. For a while I thought my gender fluidity was the reason I didn't identify with either end -- I don't do frilly, girly very well. I also don't do most guy stuff very well, either (even though I've had a lifetime of trying to fit in there). So I thought it was the gender identity that was the "fault".
Then I realized that INFP and INFJ CIS girls/women don't do frilly, girly very well either. They have no interest in it. INFP and INFJ boys/men don't do "guy" stuff well, either. That's not where their interests lie. They/we just don't fit in with the usual guy or girl activities and outlooks. (Fashion, for instance. Or whose car is the hottest or biggest.) And that's when I realized that it was my personality type behind my own "don't fit in those boxes" awareness, not my gender identity.
Since you said you are planning on finding a therapist to help work through these things (a decision I applaud and encourage), you may want to also discuss with him/her how personality type may affect your outlook and interactions with the world. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.
As others have said, most of us under the trans label are very good at not fitting into the boxes, so you are in good company.
Hugs,
Jackie