Is this the real life...

[Am I Lucy?]

Jeepers, I'm so up and down at the moment. Some days I'm really content with the idea that I may well be trans, other days, like this morning I'm finding myself breaking down in the shower. I need to book that counselling session this week then I need to tell my wife.

I think the initial relief of working out the problem is being replaced by the enormity of the situation and the utter heart break that I may end up causing everyone around me I feel I decide to change things.

Is there an undo button for my brain?!

[MeTony]

Hi Lucy.

Welcome.

I'm at the other end of the trans spectrum. I'm waiting for the next appointment where I hopefully get my diagnose and then access to treatments. In Sweden you need to go to a team of proffessionals before you get the diagnose.


I had been married for 16 years when I just told my husband. Just like that. He had a great first reaction but this has made him thinking a lot and he says he will leave when I get a beard and low voice.

I tried to deny myself 10 years ago and became super femme. Oh well. Not SUPER femme, I can't be that. But as femme as I could. It resulted in a deep depression that almost ended in suicide.

To deny who you are can have a huge impact on your wellbeing.

I think it is great that you took the first step to see a therapist. We can't know if you are transgender or not. But thinking in this way propably means you are somewhere on the spectrum. The therapist is a huge help in finding yourself.

Good luck.

Tony

[Am I Lucy?]

Hi everyone,

Just checking in after my first session with a counsellor. The hours leading up to it were hell, I could not sit still, thought i was going to be sick and had to go for a walk before going to the counselling centre. I got there about 5 mins early, unfortunately, my counselor was 10 mins late - I appreciate these things happen, but my god, that was not the time to be late.

To be honest, from then on I felt a little deflated, I talked my head off for nearly an hour, and then felt under pressure to be finished on time. Whilst they sat and listened, I just didn't get that they were the right person to help me find my answers. I understand that's just the way it goes sometimes. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but maybe speaking to a female therapist might work better for me.

On a plus note, I've been talking to a very old friend. Some one who came out to me as gay nearly 20 years ago. He has been amazing in letting me just offload my head. Has really given me some grounding. Maybe that was the issue with counselling too, I'd offloaded so much to my friend that I felt I was ahead of what was expected of a first session. Either way, I'm going to try another therapist and see if it feels better.

Lucy x

[Am I Lucy?]

Just to add, I do feel that I have worked out a way to move forward in finding answers.Whilst I'm nowhere near working out how to handle my female side and what exactly I label myself (if at all), I at least have an idea of some tiny steps forward.

[Kate.claire]

Well, at least now that you've been to one therapist,  finding the next one won't be so intimidating. Personally, I was exclusively looking for a female therapist that specialized in gender therapy. I've had a few males in the past for other things and I can just never get over my general dislike of straight males. It's important to find someone you are comfortable with. Also,  you're right that things happen, but 10 minutes late to a new patient are not a good sign. 

You're lucky to have a RL friend you can talk to... that alone helps tremendously.  At least you get to let your thoughts off your chest to someone.

-Kate

[Am I Lucy?]

Sorry, not been on for a week or so, had a very busy week and feeling like my head is spinning since I spoke to my first therapist. I have an appointment with a second tomorrow, I've decided to try a couple to make sure I feel 100% comfortable.

Hope everyone's well

x