Anyone here who came from a male/male marriage and transitioned to female? I need advice and perspective.
Ok, so i'm a few sessions in with my counselor and I think I'm ready to accept my psychological sex is female. However, I still haven't managed to talk to my husband about this yet.
He is a wonderful man, he fulfills all of my dreams, and I can't bear the thought of losing him any more than I can bear the thought of going on in this skin. The problem is that he is very binary gay.
He sees my skirts, he sees my makeup, he sees me reading transgender books like Whipping Girl, but we just haven't talked. I'm terrified because he reeeaaally doesn't like women. Not that he hates them or is misogynistic but he's very turned off by them sexually. He's very progressive, and knowledgeable about trans issues but I'm terrified that he will love me, support me, and leave me due to a lack of sexual compatibility if i change physically.
I've always been the 'woman' in our relationship for the most part; I'm the cook, I'm the housekeeper, I'm the bottom, and I've always been open about my femininity to an extent. But I've also had periods of hyper-masculinity that were less than pretty (i filled our safe with thousands of dollars in guns one year, the garage with thousands in tools another, I have a habit of using hyperbolic rage as a rhetorical tool, etc.). I need to talk to other gay men who became the woman they were inside and how that affected their relationship with their man. It's helpful to talk to women who had to break their wife's heart when coming out but women are a different creature than men (as we are all painfully aware) and I worry that the nurturing nature that these wives have doesn't translate to gay men as well as i might hope.
Anybody out there who's been in this boat? i could use a voice in this darkness. Thanks.