To go or not to go? That is the question.

[MTGirl123]

Hi All,

New to the forum. Long time reader, first time poster. You are all great and strong. Thank you for the inspiration.

So I am in a bit of a dilemma. There is a Ball/Fundraiser event for a local LGBTQ support center coming up. I am just in the beginning stages of my gender journey (seeing therapist for last six months and first appointment with HRT doc complete) and am having a hard time deciding if attending as my true female self is a good idea. I am in the camp of I know I am transgender but now need to figure out what I am going to do about it! My wife is on board and wants to go so she can start to gauge her comfort level with what feels to be the inevitable future (i.e. me transitioning). I want to go for a variety of reasons, including proving to myself this is really what I want, gaining another experience, meeting new people, getting dressed up, being out in public, etc. With all that said, my head is playing some wicked games and trying to convince me otherwise. Is it even appropriate for us to go? I will also add that the chance of seeing someone we know is rather high. Since I am not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, and doctor, this is a bit of a concern. My heart is telling me to take the chance and GO FOR IT; however, I am still fighting strong mental energy telling me otherwise.

Any thoughts or perspectives would be sincerely appreciated...

[Anjanette Miranda]

Hi MTFGIRl

You should try it if your wife or you don't feel comfortable agree to go home. I believe in woulda coulda shoulda. Cause you will be kicking yourself if you don't try. And if you do leave go and have a drink and talk about it.

AJ

[jkredman]

How important & strong is the relationship?

Share your thoughts and agree together how to proceed.

I still hold back in some situations, because the most important person to me has reservations.

She's actually very supportive.  However, emotionally, the husband she knew is dying and some strange lady is moving into the relationship.

My transition coach constantly has to remind  me to go slow.

What ever you decide; decide together.

Kate


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[MeTony]

Sometimes coming out with a bang is the right thing. Sometimes not. I recognize your feelings and the urge to just let go. I have the same feelings.

A wise woman told me coming out is like skydiving. You >-bleeped-< your pants the first times, but then it gets easier and easier.

If you and your wife are ready for it. Do it or you will regret it later. You can always turn back home if it becomes too much.

Nervousness is ok when coming out, but pure terror is not. You need to think where on the fear scale you are. If you aren't ready and too afraid, the experience won't be good and maybe scare you even more back into your shell.

Make a list of pros and cons of doing it. Write down the worst case scenario and how to deal with it. Then your mind has started a plan for it. Maybe you follow the plan, maybe not if worst case scenario occurs. But you have thought it through and have more confidence in yourself.


Tony

[KathyLauren]

Hi, MTGirl123!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Congratulations on having the support of your wife!  That is huge.

You and she both want to go, so you should go.  Whether you decide to dress for the occasion or go as your old self just depends on your comfort level.  You will have to start dressing sometime if that is an eventual goal, and that sounds like it should be a safe space.

Because of the risk of being outed by someone you know, you and your wife should discuss how you would handle it.  Have an exit plan, and a plan for damage control if someone does recognize you.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[AnneK]

I'd say go for it.  You'll both find out if that's where you want to go and it will be in a safe environment.

[itsApril]

. . . There is a Ball/Fundraiser event for a local LGBTQ support center coming up. I am just in the beginning stages of my gender journey (seeing therapist for last six months and first appointment with HRT doc complete) and am having a hard time deciding if attending as my true female self is a good idea. . . .

A good thing to remember: There's a very wide range or scale of gender-related dress, from ultra-femme at one end all the way over to ultra-butch at the other, with a thousand variations in between.  You don't have to put on a satin party dress with pearls and a feather boa.  Find a level of female style you are comfortable with as a first-timer and don't overdo it.

How about some nice girl jeans and a pretty scarf?

I think AnneK is right: An LGBTQ fundraiser/event seems like a really good opportunity for experimentation.  There's going to be a wide range of people and presentations there, and not much chance that anyone is going to freak out over some earrings or mascara.

[MTGirl123]

Thank you to those who provided insight. Very helpful. We went and both had a great time. Dresses and all! There were some hard moments for sure but it was so good for us to push ourselves in a way we never have. I spent the entire weekend presenting as a women and am now riding a bit of a high. Soon to be a low since I need to return to male mode soon. I am now trying to process everything and figure out what all this means. A big thing I noticed was that the jealousy/gut aching I typically feel when presenting as male in these settings (anytime really) was nonexistent and I felt at ease for one of the few times in my life. Also could not stop smiling the whole time as I was so genuinely happy to be me! I walked downtown this morning to get a tea with my wife, and really enjoyed it (WTF!, this is not normally me as I am typically lost in my head during low activity adventures???). I will likely get a fresh dose of reality heading back to work tomorrow and returning to my typical life. Yikes. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill, which is picking up speed and momentum... The thought of turning around at this point is crushing but so many hurdles lie ahead. This weekend may have been my tipping point...

Thanks again!

And, in advance, any insight to these new developments is greatly appreciated.

[AnneK]

Glad to hear you had a great time.  Perhaps it's time to start pushing things further, going out as women whenever opportunity presents.  Also, you might consider HRT.  I just started last week and you'll feel noticeably better.

[CarlyMcx]

I am happy that you had a good time. Just get ready for the shopping addiction that comes from wanting to look good at every social event.

Have fun!

[MeTony]

I'm happy to hear it all went well! Bumps on the road are to be expected and you handled them well. Enjoy the fuzzy feeling in your head and body, it's addicting.


Tony

[Hellboi]

I'm so happy to hear that you went~ Kudos to your wife for having your back.
It feels like being born again to be so happy just going to grab some tea doesn't it?