TRIGGER WARNING.....! TALK OF ABUSE, SUBTENCE ABUSE, RAPE AND SUICIDE...!
Real long post but worth the read.
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As of late I've shared a paper that was written about me by a graduate student with some trusted friends. It's been suggested that I share this with the groups I'm in. This paper goes through my childhood up until early into my un-masking. Make sure to have tissues handy while reading. The following are just a small sampling of the comments I received.
This is the most stunning story of a transgender life I have ever read. I cried through a lot of it. And then at the same rejoiced in your attitude and determination. You were born for this. For the warmth and the love and the compassion of others who have not been able to be as determined as you are. I see you have known in your mind almost from day one. I am in awe of you Melissa. I truly am privileged to know you. I love you my friend.
OMG Melissa...! You need to post this to show that even though life will knock you down you can still get up and overcome adversity. You need to write a book.
Melissa this is such a powerful message on sure will to go on. When are you going to write a book? You completely inspire me.
Introduction
I was fortunate to interview Melissa Ann Segebarth; she is a 51 year old Caucasian female living in Concord Place Retirement & Assisted Living Community. Melissa Ann played semiprofessional baseball, has two children, and is now divorced. She uses a power wheelchair due to many back surgeries, injuries, and other medical complications. She is a recovering addict of prescription pain medications, and Melissa Ann is also a male to female transsexual who started her transition about three months ago.
Since I am not from the area, I relied on calling assisted living facilities to find someone to interview. Many centers I contacted said they would not allow interviewing at their facilities. After receiving a recommendation from a second year student, I finally called Concord Place. They were extremely accommodating in helping me secure an individual to interview. After contacting a woman in the rehabilitation room many times, she finally told me she spoke to a resident that would be happy to help. She would not give me the name, age, or the sex of the resident. At first this confused me, but once I met Melisa Ann I understood why she hesitated to give me additional information. Truthfully I had no idea what to expect when I walked into Concord Place. I merely trusted the employee, but I do not think I could have found anyone with a more interesting story even if I tried.
Interview Process
In order to collect the data for the narrative I met Melissa Ann at Concord Place. We met a total of three times over the quarter with each meeting lasting two to three hours. I would email, call or text Melissa Ann to arrange a convenient meeting time for both of us. We met on the second floor in a large bingo room filled with many tables and chairs. There was not much traffic through the room, but occasionally someone would walk through the rear of the room to access a stairwell. There was only one time I can remember when someone came into to the room and actually sat down. Melissa Ann and I continued the interview but spoke softly until said person left the room. I was granted permission to record the interviews by Melissa Ann and used the recording device on my computer. The recordings are quiet but still audible. Overall I felt that the quality of the interview was wonderful. Melissa Ann was very open and helped the process to continue smoothly.
Narrative
Melissa Ann was born Robert Segebarth in September of 1963 on the north side of Chicago. Being three months premature, Melissa Ann only weighed about five pounds at birth. Her spine was not yet fully developed and foreshadowed health issues that would arise later in life.
Melissa Ann is the middle child between a brother and sister. Her mother divorced and remarried by the time Melissa Ann was three years old. She was soon adopted by her mother's new husband. As a young boy, Melissa Ann remembers being very rambunctious, active, and hyper. In kindergarten Melissa Ann can remember getting in trouble for fighting with other students as they made fun of her for playing with girl toys. Melissa Ann's new stepfather did not like the way she acted as a child; playing with girl toys, ridding girl bikes, and dressing in girl clothes. Her stepfather harassed her, verbally abusing her to the point of crying and becoming physically sick. Melissa Ann recalls that his actions were an attempt to eliminate her girlish behavior.
Around the age of seven or eight Melissa Ann decided she would not allow her stepfather's abuse affect her anymore; for the next two days, Melissa Ann showed no reaction when her stepfather openly humiliated her. This made her stepfather angry. The second night, at the dinner table, as Melissa Ann sat next him, he became so angry, he picked up a steak knife and stabbed it through the back of Melissa Ann's hand. Then with a closed fist, he punched her out of the chair. The only remark from her stepfather, after the incident, was obviously you aren't a boy because only girls cry.
From the ages eight to eighteen, as a form of punishment, Melissa Ann's mother and stepfather eliminated all of her boy clothes so she would be forced to wear only girl clothing. In either a dress or skirt, Melissa Ann was sent to school and became a target for both verbal and physical bulling by classmates.
When Melissa Ann was eight the family went to her grandparents' home to celebrate Easter. She was dressed just like her sister with matching white tights and an Easter bonnet. Two of Melissa Ann's uncles who were eighteen and twenty, pulled her aside. The twenty year old took out a pistol and stuck it down her throat as the other raped her, when he was finished they switched positions. Afterward they told her not to say a word or they would kill her. Melissa Ann had another uncle who was her babysitter. She would go to his house after school while her parents were still at work. This uncle would force her to lie naked in bed with him and have her play with his member. One day Melissa Ann was refusing to cooperate and the uncle held a knife to her throat and forced her to perform oral sex on him. Every time Melissa Ann was together with family she would feel her entire body go onto "red alert". Later in life she found out that these feelings were signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. Forms of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse followed Melissa Anne until the age of eighteen when she became brave enough to stop it.
At the age of ten years old Melissa Ann's stepfather forced her to join little league baseball. She did not like playing ball but by the third season she really started to enjoy the game. It was also a possible way to please her stepfather and maybe make him proud of her. By the fourth season her stepfather decided to coach. He would always make her do twice as many calisthenics as the rest of the team and if she did not finish in the top three she would be forced to redo the drill. Melissa Ann saw this as a punishment. She always wanted to pitch and play the infield but her stepfather would blatantly tell her, "You're not good enough," and be demeaning in every opportunity. Melissa Ann recalls that the more her stepfather criticized her the more desperate she became to please him.
When Melissa Ann was fourteen she decided to try out for the high school baseball team. Her stepfather told her that she was not good enough and would not make the team, but she made it anyway. In high school baseball there was a no contact rule. One game Melissa Ann was rounding third base on the way to home plate. She was only one third down the base line when the catcher caught the ball. She collided with the catcher at home plate breaking both of the catcher's collar bones and dislocating one of his shoulders. Melissa Ann though that her stepfather would be proud of this "manly thing" she performed, but instead he punched her. The only good that came from this situation was Melissa Ann's new nickname on the baseball team, "The Sledgehammer".
In high school Melissa Ann grew and became stronger. Along with baseball she was a member of the marching band. The drum line had a history of hazing and initiating new members. One day during a break at a practice the other sixteen members piled on top of Melissa Ann and tried to force her into an outhouse. She had seen this done before where they put someone inside and tipped it over. In this moment it was sixteen against one and they were unable to get her into the outhouse, as she had overpowered them. Soon after this the drum line was heading to the state competition. When the drum line traveled by bus they would stack all of their equipment to the celling, the barricade left a space that was out of sight. Melissa Ann, dressed as a girl, was to be jumped by the drum line for the second time. All of the members once again piled on top of her, this time hitting and kicking her as well. They began to tear the clothes she was wearing off and proceeded to gang rape her. After they were finished they left her lying a heap on the bus floor. She was still expected to perform at the competition.
By her sophomore year Melissa Ann found her calling, her drive, she wanted to fly harrier jets for the marines. She started taking classes such as advanced college calculus as a sophomore to prepare for her future. The first game that baseball season Melissa Ann was the starting third baseman when a screamer was hit her direction giving her no time to react. The ball impaled her right eye impairing her vision. No longer having 20/20 vision Melissa Ann would never be able to fly. Soon after her grades began to plummet, flying was the first drive she can remember and it was taken away.
Melissa Ann found a new drive in baseball and began practicing year round in the weight room and on the field. With all this conditioning, Melissa Ann soon became a power hitter hitting home run after home run. She recalls the feeling and the sound of the ball off the bat; it was like a drug, knowing that the ball was heading over the fence. Throughout high school Melissa Ann faced many setbacks with injuries, along with her eye, she tore her left rotator cuff, and hit a foul ball off her ankle causing a bone infection, this lead to 45 minutes of intravenous medications to be given three times a day.
After high school Melissa Ann worked as camera sales clerk at Kmart where she was fired for wearing girl clothes, the only clothes her parents had provided and allowed. Shortly thereafter, Melissa Ann went to a Marine recruiting office; even though she would be unable to fly, maybe she could repair the planes. After taking the aptitude and placement test Melissa Ann scored a 99 out of 100, almost a perfect score. The recruiter then told her that there were no positions open for the mechanic school but if she signed an open contract they would get her enrolled later in the program. She felt as if this was a deceitful endeavor that would lock her into the service with no mobility, so she refused to sign. By the time she got back home a recruiter was already there. Her stepfather took the opportunity to show his disappointment saying, "For the first time in your life you had a chance to be a man, you blew it."
Melissa Ann, after deciding not to join the Marines, then became a production machinist at a stamping house where she would stamp metal pieces, drill, and tap holes. After three or four months she received a promotion to the material department. Here she was moving huge stacks of coiled steel. One day she made a mistake and placed her hand under a coil in an effort to move the stuck coil, the coils gave way, crushing her hand. After surgery and about six weeks of recovery Melissa Ann was back to work.
Around this time Melissa Ann saw an ad in the newspaper, a semiprofessional baseball team was holding tryouts. The day of tryouts Melissa Ann was in the garage digging out all of her baseball equipment as her stepfather asked what she was doing. She told him and he replied, "Don't bother you are not good enough, you are just wasting your time." Melissa Ann went to the tryout and did well. When she got back home her stepfather was standing in the driveway with a big smile on his face. "So you got cut." Melissa Ann replied, "No, I didn't, I gotta go back tomorrow." Her stepfather said, "Well, they'll cut you tomorrow." That's when Melissa Ann found her drive again. Melissa Ann ended up making the team and told her stepfather, thinking he would be proud of her. His reply was, "You'll never start." By opening day Melissa Ann was in the starting line up on third base. Her stepfather never came to one game in all of high school or the three seasons she played in the semiprofessional league. This made Melissa Ann feel very shunned and that nothing she ever did was good enough. Once again injuries followed Melissa Ann through her baseball career, from heel spurs, rupturing an Achilles tendon, and pulling the extensor tendon off of the proximal interphalangeal joint. An attempt was made to play a third season, but after tearing the left rotator cuff she decided it was time to give up baseball. After so many months of rehab and trying so hard and desperately to please her stepfather she lost the drive, "Why bother for no recognition."
After quitting baseball Melissa Ann came home one day from work to find that her mother had brought home a Labrador Retriever. She was very hyper, scared, and nervously panting. Melissa Ann had no empathy for the animal. She attempted to pet the dog but the dog would just run away. For over an hour, Melissa Ann kept going back to the dog, over and over again. Finally, the dog settled and let Melissa Ann pet her. The dog relaxed and put her head in Melissa Ann's lap. "I don't know what it was but something happened at that moment. That was the first time I have ever felt a connection to anything, that dog changed my life." Melissa Ann recalls that this dog taught her how to love. Without the dog, she does not know if she would have ever learned to love. The dog seemed to give her strength and courage. She had found the courage to accept a blind date proposal. If it had not been for that dog, she would have never met her wife or had her two sons.
After four of five dates, Melissa Ann decided it was time to have a serious conversation with the woman she was seeing. She told her that she cross-dressed and told her all of the abuse that took place during her childhood and adolescence. This conversation lasted for about five hours until about two in the morning. They parted ways and the next morning the woman was ringing Melissa Ann's doorbell. Two and a half years later they were married.
At around thirty five years old, Melissa Ann lost control of her bladder while in a Kmart. She went to countless urologist and neurologist then to the Mayo clinic. At the Mayo clinic she was put through many tests and extensive questioners. What should have taken three to four days turned into two weeks of testing. They identified some problems with her back which shed light on the lasting effects of sexual abuse; she had every symptom for all levels of her back. Each section required multiple surgeries, after twenty three surgeries Melissa Ann still had no control of her bladder. She needed to wear diapers, which put a huge strain on her marriage. The intimacy had left the relationship. Due to all of the surgeries, pain medications were introduced. They would numb not only the physical pain but the emotional pain as well. Melissa Ann climbed the ladder quickly taking larger quantities and higher doses of these medications. The doctors told her it would be a year before she could lift a gallon of milk. With the pain medications she felt better than she really was. The family needed to move closer to an aunt who could help with the children. Melissa Ann decided it would be a good idea for her to pack the house; six levels of her back went out that day. This would lead to the most intensive surgery she had by far. After the surgery, the pain medications increased to an even higher level. Her wife, struggling with the prescription drug dependency, and other marital issues, decided to leave. This caused Melissa Ann to take even more pain medications.
Eventually doctors implanted an intrathecal pain pump that would deliver pain medications directly to the spinal cord. After two and a half years a larger pump was being put in to increase medications. This led to a very serious infection, a puss pocket the size of a grapefruit. She was admitted into the hospital; while there a nurse was cleaning the area, and pushed the pocket through the abdominal wall. Melissa Ann went septic with a temperature of 105.2 degrees; she was not expected to live through the surgery. The wound had to stay open for over a year, as it was still infected. Melissa Ann lived in a nursing home receiving two milligrams of morphine every two hours. She does not remember much during this time due to the medication, but remembers this is when her wife started divorce proceedings.
After the nursing home Melissa Ann moved to a supported living facility. There were many squabbles with family members, self-directed questions regarding her sexuality and who she was, and everything came crashing down. Melissa Ann attempted to inject twenty four milligrams of dilaudid into herself. She, fortunately, went unconscious before all of the medication was injected. She was found three days later in a diabetic coma, her kidneys had shut down, and she had blood clots in her left leg and ulcers covering the backs of her legs, back, and head. Two months had passed before Melissa Ann was conscious of what was going on around her. Soon after therapy had begun, Melissa Ann had found another drive, the drive to get stronger. She worked hard every day and regained upper body strength and the use of her arms. The blood clotting in her legs was so severe that walking was an impossible feat, leaving her confined to a wheelchair. After about six months of intense therapy she came to terms that the things that happened in her life were not her fault, this was a huge burden lifted.
Shortly after Melissa Ann's attempt on her own life she went through some genetic testing. The test came to show that Melissa Ann had Klinefelter's Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder. Females have XX chromosomes as males have XY chromosomes; those with Klinefelter's Syndrome have an extra female gene of XXY. Doctors say this is an extra female gene; however, Melissa Ann's belief is that it is an extra male gene. When testing Melissa Ann's testosterone test showed that her levels were well below the average man and her estrogen levels were also above an average mans. During these test the doctors found progesterone, which is a strictly female hormone, no one could explain this finding.
Melissa Ann was diagnosed with gender identity disorder, gender dysphoria, and body dysphoria. This September she decided to explore with medications to start the transition from male to female. She now considers October first to be her new birthdate as that is the day when she started taking high doses of the medications in order to transition.
The hormones are beginning to have effects in many ways. She says she has never been happier and more relaxed. On the down side she cries at everything, so much so that she has had to stop watching television. She welcomes it all, saying she has been an emotional shell her entire life and that she is overjoyed that the constraints that men do not cry no longer apply to her. Physically her face has softened, her brow line has arched, and her body hair is changing texture and growing slower. She has begun to grow breast, her bladder is shrinking, she no longer produces semen, and no longer has spontaneous erections. Finally, her attractions have started to change. Her attraction to women is now gone and she has now started to notice men, which is a strange and new feeling.
Recently Melissa Ann has been issued a carry letter, which is a letter from a therapist that informs anyone of authority that she identifies as female, is transgender, and is of a sound mind. With this letter by the state law of Illinois she is allowed to move freely about in any space that a female would, such as; restrooms, locker rooms, and dressing rooms. This letter will also allow her to change the gender marker on her driver's license and passport. Melissa Ann stated, "All of this, all small pieces to the puzzle, as they all get put together, I can see the whole picture now. There isn't a piece that is missing anymore."
Roles
Father
Melissa Ann is a father to two sons. The role of a father includes many task, such as communicating to the mother about the children's needs, cook meals, shop for groceries, make sure child is dressed appropriately, interact with child, provide transportation, communicate with child, help with homework, wake child up, hug child, listen, check on student's school performance, take child to health care provider, clean home, provide bed and bedding, pay for meals, attend school functions and so on. There were unfortunately many factors holding Melissa Ann back from partaking fully in the role as a father. The issues with her back led to many barriers, such as the various serious surgeries needed. These surgeries led to an addiction to very strong pain medications that eventually put Melissa Ann in a nursing home. It was very difficult to partake in the duties as a father in an environment such as a nursing home. A personal factor that is making this role difficult would be that Melissa Ann is transitioning from a man to a woman. She said, "I am no longer their dad I will always be a father, but no longer dad. I don't know how to explain the difference, I just know that there is a difference. I am their birth father but I don't want them looking to me as a role model for what a dad should be." She has recently informed her oldest son about her transition, this was done with a therapist present. She has yet to inform her youngest son, as there has been some suicidal tendencies and she does not want to be the one to push him over the edge.
Melissa Ann's future participation in this role relies heavily on her sons reactions to the transition. When speaking about this role and telling her children she said, "I prepared for the worst, always hoping for the best." Unfortunately, as of now Melissa Ann has not yet heard back from her oldest son.
Sibling
Throughout our meetings Melissa Ann rarely brought up her brother and sister, though it seemed this role was one that Melissa Ann did not find meaningful it still was a role in her life. The role of a sibling includes playing with your siblings, helping your siblings in times of need, keeping in touch and communicating, attending family events, etc. However, Melissa Ann and her siblings did not have a good relationship. Melissa Ann recalls some personal factors that affected her participation with this role, they were that she was always the escape goat, that she cannot remember one time in her entire life that either of them helped her in any way shape or form, and that they were glad that the bad things were happing to her and not them. From what I gathered it has been about ten years since she has spoken to her siblings, and she said "I'm okay with that."
Baseball player
There are many task that are involved with being a baseball player, such as going to practices and games, taking care of one's equipment and uniforms, getting transportation to practices and games, keeping up with strength and conditioning routines, and so on. Melissa Ann seemed to have a very up and down relationship with baseball. She was forced into the sport as a child but then truly began to love it and excel. A huge environmental factor to this role would be Melissa Ann's step father. She would work so hard to please him and he never came to one game and put her down at every possible opportunity, nothing was ever good enough. This made it very difficult for her not to mention the many serious injuries endured during her career. Melissa Ann's role has changed over the years from a high level athlete to a fan of the game.
Community member
Melissa Ann is a member of a 40,000 person strong community, the LGBTQ nation. She is not only a member of this community but a leader and inspiration to others involved. Melissa Ann is able to be public to her community through social media websites, blogs, and chat rooms. She is constantly speaking to others and assisting them through the start of their own transitions. She is not shy to speak her mind and stand up for what she believes to be right. Through this community of others who share a common bond Melissa Ann never has to feel alone.
Friend
The role of a friend has many activities associated with it such as participating in social outings, communicating with friends (calling, face-to-face, writing letters), making sure friends are safe, listening to friends when they have problems, and acknowledging successes and failures. Melissa Ann has a strong group of friends, known as TGGW posse, Trans Girls Gone Wild. There are five of them in total and are spread all over the United States which is a personal factor to the role. They too communicate through social media and via cell phones. These women all understand firsthand the struggles and experiences that are involved with transitioning and they take pride to stand up and fight for each other no matter the setting. They are all intertwined on a very personal level that many others would have no way to comprehend.
Course Topics
Spirituality
"The term spiritual health has been used by some to describe an optimal state of balance in life between the spiritual essence of one's inner being and the worldly connections of one's outer self" (Hasselkus, 2011, p.146). I feel Melissa Ann applies and utilizes this quote to guide her life. Spiritual health does not necessarily have to involve religion or the Bible, but I feel something that Melissa Ann said relates very well to this concept, "Acceptance and love, that's what the entire Bible is talking about." Melissa Ann uses this to acquire that optimal state of balance. By showing love and acceptance to others she, in return, receives love and acceptance; it has a very contagious mirroring effect.
Melissa Ann mentioned that a majority of the residents at Concord Place have a, "If it makes you happy good for you" mentality. However, there are those who have strong religious views. Explaining that she would never try to change anyone's mind or religious beliefs, Melissa Ann seizes these situations to teach. Melissa Ann spoke about why it is so important for her to respect others by saying, "I want to be accepted, how can I ask anyone for acceptance if I don't accept that person?" This embodies having an optimal state of balance of one's inner being and one's outer self.
Culture
"The term culture has been used to refer to the pattern of values, beliefs, symbols, experiences, and learned behavior shared by members of a group or passed from one generations to the next" (Hasselkus, 2011, p.63). Culture is a large factor in most people's lives. Within the last few months Melissa Ann's culture has changed quite drastically as she entered the transgendered community.
Melissa Ann has learned very quickly about the culture such as the views of those who cross-dress. "We are very critical and judgmental about cross-dressers as a very high percentage of cross-dressers do it for the sexual gratification." This frustrates the transgender community as it sheds a negative and even deviant light on their community. For those who cross-dress it is very exciting to dress up and be someone else for an afternoon or an evening. Melissa Ann said that it is not exciting for her, it is very natural and it's just what she wears.
Another change in Melissa Ann's culture would be the discrimination that is very commonly ignored. Such as the discrimination in the workplace, as it is very difficult for transgendered people to find jobs as others have a predisposed opinion of the community and the culture. This is a reason Melissa Ann has found it so important to become and advocate in her community and to be the one willing to stand up for herself and others.
Book concept
Melissa Ann's story and life can be related to Viktor E. Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning with one word, perseverance. Melissa Ann has experienced many emotional, physical and mental ups and downs throughout her life, but one thing that has seemed to stay consistent would be her ability to persevere through very difficult situations. Melissa Ann has proven over and over again that she is a fighter and will continue to fight. A quote from Franlk's text that reminded me of Melissa Ann was:
We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way (Frankl, 2006, pp. 67-68).
When Frankl speaks of those comforting others I immediately thought of Melissa Ann. When she is working with the blogs and chat groups she is helping others find themselves and work through some very difficult times in their transitions. She is comforting those who are in the same shoes she was in not that long ago. Melissa Ann understands what it is like to have everything taken from her and does everything in her power to make sure these women do not lose the last of their human freedoms. When Frankl talks of the last of the human freedoms, choosing one's attitude, this screams Melissa Ann on so many levels. There will always be people that will tell her that what she is doing is wrong and that she is an abomination headed to suffer eternal damnation. Recently, a resident of Concord Place invited a religious evangelist to come to speak to Melissa Ann, ironically she preached that exact sermon. Melissa Ann was able to change this woman's view on transgendered people by staying calm and matter of fact instead of getting loud and aggressive. By choosing her attitude Melissa Ann is able to take control of negative situations and in the process change people's perspective on the entire community.
Response
I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to interview Melissa Ann. From the first time we met she was very welcoming and open, which made the process of interviewing extremely smooth. During the interview there were some difficult stories and places that Melissa Ann had to revisit and share. I could tell at times she was becoming upset but she never stopped, she continued on, this was amazing to see.
When it came to this interview process I feel that I did not have any biases or issues. I am a very open-minded person and in no way would I judge Melissa Ann, if anything she has my utmost respect for trusting me with her person history and amazing life story. I was more excited than worried. I knew, if I put in the effort, I had a great deal to learn from Melissa Ann and that is what happened.
Melissa Ann taught me a great deal during our time together. She taught me that you cannot change the minds of others, but by accepting their opinions and thoughts they in return may accept you in the process. This is done by listening and truly appreciating what others have to say. Melissa Ann told me countless stories of others who already had judged her before even speaking with her. By being herself, listening, and not showing judgment, many of these people's views of her changed in an instant. A comment Melissa Ann made that resonated with me was, "There are a couple of ways you can deal with individuals, you can get in their face like they are getting in your face, gets you nowhere, you can turn and walk away, again, gets you nowhere, I choose to preach love and acceptance."
Something that I did not expect to learn from Melissa Ann was a motto or way of life that she has recently acquired herself. She told me, "The sooner you can learn to say, excuse my language but, f**k it the better off you will be." This took me by surprise when I first heard her say it but I then started to think about what she meant by the phrase. From what I have gathered, and what Melissa Ann and I have further discussed, I believe she is refereeing to all of the little things in life that can build up and weigh so heavily on a person. Also, all of the negative people in the world that only want to belittle others are included as well. What I have learned from Melissa Ann is not to let others or "things" in life change who you are or how you feel. Embrace what life can throw at you and let it make you stronger, grow into someone stronger and smarter than you were the day before.
I personally think I will be able to use this experience not only to grow as a person but as a therapist as well. Through speaking with Melissa Ann she was able to give me a glimpse of the transgender community and help me understand not only the challenges but the many personal benefits of what the transition means to her.
Melissa Ann has taught me the benefits of stopping and listening to others in order to understand them. Even if you are unable to imagine what a mile in their shoes must be like you can still listen, that can sometimes be more meaningful to them than pretending to understand what their life must be like. By taking this time and listening to others I will be an even stronger therapist by being able to find what is truly meaningful to each person and what I can do to help them find meaning. Also, I feel that I have a great resource through Melissa Ann. She was able to lead me to some wonderful websites to better understand her community and I believe that she would more than happy to point me in the right direction when it comes to her community should I be in need of future guidance.
This process, in my mind, was an amazing experience not only to help me grow as a student therapist but as a person as well. Melissa Ann ended our last interview by saying, "The way I like to look at it is that I am a pebble being thrown into a lake, my splash is going to cause ripples and those ripples will eventually hit the shore, one pebble at a time, it will take a lot of pebbles to fill the lake but they will eventually fill the lake." I like to think that this statement can be true for anyone; every individual is constantly growing as a person and trying to reach a goal. It unfortunately may not always be a quick process, but it is the process that helps us learn and develops us into the people we want to be; becoming that person we want to see in the mirror reflecting back at us.
