Trangender policing

[mako9802]

Why are so many trans women in the community feel like they must serve as the Trangender Enforcement Bureau?  Why is the way someone else living their life a problem?  There are some in this community that expect tolerance but cant accept variation with in the community.  We are NOT all high femme some of us like my self feel neutral.  I didn't do anything of this to place another burden around my neck.  Freedom is all I asked for.  Right now i am comfortable presenting just androgynously but apparently people feel the need to tell others oh that's still a man, oh he isn't trans, he's faking.  All this goes on at my job the trans community there is extremely toxic.  I literally heard one of the other trans girls say to a "cis woman" about me we expect you to bring this a certain way....really?...These

[KimOct]

Mako - I completely get what you are saying because as much as I hate to admit it - I used to be one of those people.
So I do get it.

When first transitioning I had a group of transwomen friends that were very opinionated about NB people, androgynous, gender fluid etc etc.  They were very binary and felt that anyone that was not was either lying to themselves or lacked the courage to fully transition in the way that saw fit.

I am proud to say I have evolved.  I choose to be a binary transwoman but that's just me.  I don't want to deal with the confusion on the part of other people.

Also I believe in a gender spectrum.  Most people have personality traits that are assigned to one gender or the other.
Say this line is a gender spectrum     Female---------------------------------------------------Male
                                                                             ^
The little arrow is where I would put myself.  I just prefer to live as female and have legally transitioned.

Forget about the Transgender Police.  As the saying goes 'you do you'.   They can find someone else to critique.

[V M]

Sadly enough we live in a rather judge mentally conditioned world where nearly everyone is placing judgement upon everyone and everything around them and more often than not there is far too much negativity

Well, never forget that there is a very special place with a somewhat cylindrical shape where other people's judgements can be placed   

Oh, and don't forget to smile 

[Linde]

Why am I supposed to be a member of the trans community without having had any say in their rules and regulations?  I did not have that, and so I care absolutely less who this community is, or what their opinion about me is!
I am also not proud to be transgender, because how can I be proud about something i had no influence about?  I was born that way, the same as I was born with arms and legs, I am not proud about those either.
I just want to be i, and I wants to be as much a woman as possible, but on my terms, and not on the ideals of other people.  Nobody eve said anything about this to me, if the would, I would tell them to take a hike and fly a kite if they like to!

[jkredman]

Why are so many trans women in the community feel like they must serve as the Trangender Enforcement Bureau?  Why is the way someone else living their life a problem?  There are some in this community that expect tolerance but cant accept variation with in the community.  We are NOT all high femme some of us like my self feel neutral.  I didn't do anything of this to place another burden around my neck.  Freedom is all I asked for.  Right now i am comfortable presenting just androgynously but apparently people feel the need to tell others oh that's still a man, oh he isn't trans, he's faking.  All this goes on at my job the trans community there is extremely toxic.  I literally heard one of the other trans girls say to a "cis woman" about me we expect you to bring this a certain way....really?...These

When I accepted that I had to stop living a lie, and become me, I had this vision of being a stately older woman.

After HRT started doing its magic, the vision faded, because for the first time in my life, I felt right with myself.  That's what was most important. 

I still can't pass, at least to myself, when looking in the mirror.  So I don't try to pass in public.  So androgenous is where I'm at right now.

The vision of the stately older woman is still how I see myself.  Hopefully someday, relatively soon, I'll get there.  But if I don't, so be it.  I got what I wanted all along, peace with myself.

Kate


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[Harley Quinn]

I found it best to remain an outsider making friends with individuals, based on merit. Mob mentality is human nature. Once a group gets together, their views seem to merge to a certain extent... Chances are that the issues you're having with the Trans group is that they're hyper sensitive about themselves and are pushing ideas that they see will benefit their situation in order to get conformity or distance themselves from what they see as a problematic association. I would personally see if any of their fringe members were worth making friends with. You will probably find that they share your views and you'll help to fix the issue.

[Haley Conner]

Removed earlier post ( Was meant for another thread, sorry! ) No I am not crazy. 

[Iztaccihuatl]

I am also not proud to be transgender, because how can I be proud about something i had no influence about?  I was born that way, the same as I was born with arms and legs, I am not proud about those either.

'Proud' might not be the right word here. The way I see it is that we are born in a certain way, can't change that and essentially have 2 options: (a) fight it, or (b) embrace it. Once we learned to embrace it we might be proud of that accomplishment, of not being afraid anymore to show our little difference to other people, to step out and be ourselves rather than to submit to other people's views. So, in a nutshell, we embrace being transgender and are proud for doing so.



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[Linde]

'Proud' might not be the right word here. The way I see it is that we are born in a certain way, can't change that and essentially have 2 options: (a) fight it, or (b) embrace it. Once we learned to embrace it we might be proud of that accomplishment, of not being afraid anymore to show our little difference to other people, to step out and be ourselves rather than to submit to other people's views. So, in a nutshell, we embrace being transgender and are proud for doing so.

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And not even that really applies to me.  I had no chance to change my gender, unless i wanted to run around the world looking like a freak!  I am actually more proud about the achievements I made as this kind of semi man I was for many years, because that was really hard work for me to do this with my less than male body and appearance.  Becoming a woman just happened to me, I had to learn how to do makeup and shop for female clothing and change my speech pattern!  That was it.  Ok, I am a little proud because I am pretty OK in doing my makeup well!

[Tessa James]

Gender policing and cultural oppression are all too common and happen to many groups or communities.  When we transition publicly we will typically encounter folks who feel free to comment on everything about us.  The tragedy i see is when those who have experienced such marginalization and discrimination turn around and do it to our sisters and brothers on a similar path.  The worst public encounter during my transition was in a group setting where another transgender person felt she needed to detail my failings according to her standards for a proper transition. 

I agree that our community still has a ways to go for acceptance of non binary, gender fluid or yes "androgynous" members.

Why do some of us have this terrible need to compare, judge and desperately seek exalted status rather than being comfortable with oneself and supportive of others?  Why do some need validation at another persons expense?  Why does taking someone down add to feelings of superiority when we could raise all of our boats by celebrating diversity?

I feel that one of the very best things that our feminist predecessors did for us was to clearly say, this is my life and my body.  Women, in particular have boldly said, we will wear what we want and do so every day.  Jeans, skirts, and colors yes! Ties and suits, you can have em.

Keep rocking on for a free world!

[big kim]

There was a lot of this policing at my local support group. I stopped going because I got sick of being lectured that I should wear make up, colour my hair, wear heels & skirts, not listen to punk & metal, not ride a bike, not go to the punk rock festival etc.

[Sephirah]

Criticism says more about the critic than the criticised.

The same is true for everything. Not just trans issues.

[mako9802]

I see it this way we are all on the same tree just some of us are on maybe a different branch on that tree.  Society in general judges us all  harshly,  oh "we are all  just confused men" or  "confused men in dresses"  why beat each other up for not  being "trans enough"?

[KimOct]

I think this thread is very important and wish that every non-conforming gender person could read it.

As for trans-pride I am proud.  Not that I was born transgender rather I am proud that I am living my life as openly transgender.  I am very proud of the courage that I found to do it.

[Ann W]

When I accepted that I had to stop living a lie, and become me, I had this vision of being a stately older woman.

After HRT started doing its magic, the vision faded, because for the first time in my life, I felt right with myself.  That's what was most important. 

I still can't pass, at least to myself, when looking in the mirror.  So I don't try to pass in public.  So androgenous is where I'm at right now.

The vision of the stately older woman is still how I see myself.  Hopefully someday, relatively soon, I'll get there.  But if I don't, so be it.  I got what I wanted all along, peace with myself.

Kate

I think we have similar situations. I have believed since Day One that my natural and best self is extremely feminine, dressed to the nines, full of grace and polish. I still believe that. It has been nearly two years since I came out to myself; it has taken awhile for my natural tendencies to poke through the layers of garbage under which they have lain for so many years; but it's finally happening. Confidence makes a huge difference.

But I don't pass, either. I've noticed that, as my manner has become dramatically more feminine, I'm getting more smiles from strangers -- and not the good kind. However, I refuse to let that stop me from becoming my best self. Let them laugh! I don't dress for them, in the first place; I dress for me. When I'm well-presented, my self-esteem soars. I am my own harshest critic and my own biggest fan.

So, it's just my own outlook, but I wouldn't let the fact that you don't pass stop you from presenting exactly how you see yourself. Do it with the dignity that comes from celebrating who you are. 

[Lady Sarah]

Look how many think we all have to wear makeup, get mani-peddies, get our hair done professionally, etc. Fact is, most cis women do not do those things.  Why should we have to put in so much more effort than our cis  counterparts? It really doesn't do any good to look like a fashion model while among those whom are fine with looking like Plain Jane. All that does is make one stand out like a sore thumb and increase the risk of being called out as trans.

[V M]

When the depression thing hits or maybe I'm questioning myself and don't bath for a week and don't shave for over a month does that make me less trans than thou? I think not

I'm still going to be XXY with a somewhat feminine body and a few somewhat male traits as well

Someone else's opinions are not going to change my reality

[Linde]

Look how many think we all have to wear makeup, get mani-peddies, get our hair done professionally, etc. Fact is, most cis women do not do those things.  Why should we have to put in so much more effort than our cis  counterparts? It really doesn't do any good to look like a fashion model while among those whom are fine with looking like Plain Jane. All that does is make one stand out like a sore thumb and increase the risk of being called out as trans.

Speak for yourself.  I try to represent my feelings, and those are the ones of a more elegant woman, I am not a tomboy type!
My mother would never have left the house without makeup and well done hair, my sister never did, and my girlfriends are like I, trying to be well dressed and made looking good. I would also never leave the house without having my fingernails done!
Trying to talk down the desire of some of us who want to look good, is just another kind of trying to police me, exactly that, what we are talking about here.  Why can't we just accept that everyone of us is different, and everyone of us is an individual with a different taste and desire!
And I am like our female Clint Eastwood, i will always be XXY (I might have some more mutations than her, who knows), and I will always have some of those Y thingies floating around inside of me.  But I seem to have more of the XX 's , and they seem to determine who/what I am, which is a woman!

[KimOct]

I agree with Linde, I want to go out in public looking well groomed.  I do agree that when we go over the top with overly sexy clothing or very exaggerated makeup we draw attention to ourselves but if that is how someone wants to express themselves then to each their own.

[Lady Sarah]

Speak for yourself.  I try to represent my feelings, and those are the ones of a more elegant woman, I am not a tomboy type!
My mother would never have left the house without makeup and well done hair, my sister never did, and my girlfriends are like I, trying to be well dressed and made looking good. I would also never leave the house without having my fingernails done!
Trying to talk down the desire of some of us who want to look good, is just another kind of trying to police me, exactly that, what we are talking about here.  Why can't we just accept that everyone of us is different, and everyone of us is an individual with a different taste and desire!
And I am like our female Clint Eastwood, i will always be XXY (I might have some more mutations than her, who knows), and I will always have some of those Y thingies floating around inside of me.  But I seem to have more of the XX 's , and they seem to determine who/what I am, which is a woman!

Trying to put down those whom do not glam up is policing. You do you, and let others be themselves. Nobody, where I live, gets all glammed up.