Well hello there!
It has been one hell of a ride.
Well its bin a long time since I frighted with dysphoria, approximately year ago I had a breakdown and I was at a hospital for a month, had a big anxiety and depression, after the hospital every thing was ok for a while, but after a year I realized I am gay/bi and I was okey with that, at least the dysphoria was gone and I could manage a double life when Im married and at other time Im with guys. But of course, it didn't end up like that, of course the dysphoria came back and hit me again, but this time with depression and now I just don't know what to do, because Im getting married after less then 4 months and now Im thinking is it the best choice, knowing the situation....
A little bit resume...
Im happy living with my potential wife almost 7 years and this summer we are going to get married. we bought our selves an apartment. She already knows about my dysphoria and already said she wont be living with a another woman. But after I said I might be bi, she wasn't happy, but she said that at least that is better then transitioning.... like I have this bad feeling dragging her at this crazy road so long, that my hearth is just breaking, I really love her, I really do, but at every time I feel in my heart as a woman, who wants to live as a woman...
Of course I going to therapy, but still it dosen't help me and when I said, I want to transition, she just told me that it isn't for me and if I want to do it, i should see another therapist, who will approve everything in legal matters so I could do the transition.
And again there is the financial point of this all, like I have a desent salary, but much money goes to the bank for the apartment, and for the therapy, which dosent leave me a lot to do...
Feeling just Im going crazy, just sitting here and thinking what to do, what would be the best or the right choice to do...
Maybe someone could give me an advice or someone could share there similar story to mine and what happened at the ending...
Best Regards,
Lana
