That line you can't uncross...

[Tribble]

It's rapidly approaching; that line you can't uncross.

I'd better write a new coming out letter to my family.  My first seemed to work pretty well.

It was embarrassing enough telling them I was detransitioning, but now I'm facing re-transitioning and I'm afraid of what their reactions might be.  Like, "Now you're just messing with us!" or something.

They don't bother me as much as the very real issue with my neighbors.  To ease my detransition, I kinda told my whole story to my next-door neighbors.  I know the news spread as our city councilman's wife came across the street last summer and asked if I was one of the [deadnames].  Yes, my husband has the same name I was given at birth.

So, now they know everything and I'm worried about their reactions when I re-transition.  Frankly, in this area, I'm worried about my safety, my husband's safety, my cats' safety, and our cars and house.  No one said anything before I detransitioned.  I have no idea if people "knew" or not, but no one flinched.  Now, all is known, so I have no idea what they'll feel the rights to do.  I don't deal with many of my neighbors and mostly only with the elderly couple next door.

How should I approach this?  I still have a lot of clothes to buy (again), but I'm screaming inside to go back to full time.

I'm also kinda telling myself that I really need a therapist before I do this again.

[Ann W]

While a therapist is never a bad idea, I hope you don't feel badly about yourself over the twists and turns your life has taken. Finding yourself is an individual journey; no one else has had to walk in your shoes, and no one has the right to judge you.

I firmly believe that there is purpose to every life. Most of the time, I don't think we have a clue what that is; but the struggles we encounter, especially those that form dominant themes in our lives, are part of the process.

There are people who live entire lifetimes before realizing who they are. You're fine. Just be you, and screw the critics. 

[Tribble]

I wish it were so easy for me to say "screw the critics".  I need a therapist for many reasons, but that's a biggie.

I really am kind of afraid for our safety in this part of town.  I know there have been other trans women in this general area, but this block seems to have a few gems as far as bigots go.  It's a first-ring suburb but has a very small-town feel and most of the people that live here have lived here all their lives.

[Linde]

I wish it were so easy for me to say "screw the critics".  I need a therapist for many reasons, but that's a biggie.

I really am kind of afraid for our safety in this part of town.  I know there have been other trans women in this general area, but this block seems to have a few gems as far as bigots go.  It's a first-ring suburb but has a very small-town feel and most of the people that live here have lived here all their lives.

I assume you life in the Cities?  How about moving to one of the norther or southern burbs? Or all the way to the east, where I used to live, like Woodburry, Maplewood, Oakdale.   Those areas a pretty liberal, the Mining  (my former employer) has a pretty strong influence there, and the Mining was always very progressive!

[Tribble]

Thank you.

I'm close.  SSP.  I grew up in St Paul.  Probably the most small-town of all of the suburbs.  I've lived in Woodbury (really close to Oakdale) and Maplewood, too.  I really don't like the snobbery in Woodbury.  They think they live in Eden Prairie but are far from it.  But...I have my house here and picking up and moving wouldn't be all that convenient.  I know, my safety and all.  I think my biggest concern should be having a therapist that can help me deal with rejection and ridicule.

[Linde]

Thank you.

I'm close.  SSP.  I grew up in St Paul.  Probably the most small-town of all of the suburbs.  I've lived in Woodbury (really close to Oakdale) and Maplewood, too.  I really don't like the snobbery in Woodbury.  They think they live in Eden Prairie but are far from it.  But...I have my house here and picking up and moving wouldn't be all that convenient.  I know, my safety and all.  I think my biggest concern should be having a therapist that can help me deal with rejection and ridicule.

Good morning!
I used to live in Hudson for almost 40 years, and  liked it there a lot (except of the cold feet for half of the year), but i worked in Oakdale. 
I Wish you lots of luck finding a good therapist.  I think I found the best here, she is also from Europe, and we have a hard time to keep our relation from becoming a friendship that is how good she is and how comfortable I feel with her.
She is my mentor and the shoulder to lean on, when feeling down!
I hope you find a similar person to help you!
See you this summer, I hope!
Hugs
Linde

[Tribble]

I can't wait!  I hope you're able to find a decent slip for your RV!  My mom used to have a small RV but she only used it traveling so I doubt she'd be of much help finding something in the Cities.

I was practically an experiment with my first therapist as she'd only worked with FtM clients before me and Dr. Zamboni, while really friendly, was still very clinical at the same time. Finding the right therapist is the key.  It's something I've yet to come across.

[NatalieRene]

I wish it were so easy for me to say "screw the critics".  I need a therapist for many reasons, but that's a biggie.

I really am kind of afraid for our safety in this part of town.  I know there have been other trans women in this general area, but this block seems to have a few gems as far as bigots go.  It's a first-ring suburb but has a very small-town feel and most of the people that live here have lived here all their lives.

The thing about safety is it really doesn't exist. Don't function in condition white all the time and you can be relatively safe anywhere.

I transitioned in Sterling Virginia, lived out in the sticks at Winchester and now I'm at Texas. None of these areas where/are especially friendly towards trans people. The thing about that is you cannot force people to think a certain way. Acceptance cannot be coerced.

On top of this police can only respond to events that happened and very rarely will be Johnny on the spot. This is why I have firearms at my house. Thankfully I have never had to utilize them and I pray I never do but I would rather have them and not need them then need them and not have them.

The flip side is if you are going to transition you do not need to give one iota of care what anyone thinks about it.

[Tribble]

All valid and it's myself that I need to convince not to function in condition white all the time.  It's my own insecurities that I need to get over, which is why I pretty much do need a good therapist that understands my issues.

I'm pretty sure I cemented my inability to ever purchase a gun at any time in my future with my last visit to my doctor. lol

I would only ever have one target and that target would be me.  Hell, I've never even thrown a punch in my life.  I cannot bring myself to harm anyone else, no matter my feelings about them or what they're about to do or are threatening to do to me.  I think my exact words to my doctor were, "I should never, ever, ever, ever have a gun in my house."

This really is my own psychological deficiencies I need to overcome.  I'm well aware that others have successfully transitioned in far worse areas than I'm in right now.  That doesn't make me any more comfortable with my neighbors or what people will think about me (even if I'm just projecting my own thoughts onto them).  For me, I guess that comes from being ridiculed since 3rd grade.  Others have been able to grow past that and simply ignore it, I haven't been able to do the same.

I'm really not trying to be difficult here, but I would love to know how others have overcome these feelings rather than simple, vague statements on how I should just ignore them.  For me, it has never been so easy.

[NatalieRene]

All valid and it's myself that I need to convince not to function in condition white all the time.  It's my own insecurities that I need to get over, which is why I pretty much do need a good therapist that understands my issues.

I'm pretty sure I cemented my inability to ever purchase a gun at any time in my future with my last visit to my doctor. lol

I would only ever have one target and that target would be me.  Hell, I've never even thrown a punch in my life.  I cannot bring myself to harm anyone else, no matter my feelings about them or what they're about to do or are threatening to do to me.  I think my exact words to my doctor were, "I should never, ever, ever, ever have a gun in my house."

This really is my own psychological deficiencies I need to overcome.  I'm well aware that others have successfully transitioned in far worse areas than I'm in right now.  That doesn't make me any more comfortable with my neighbors or what people will think about me (even if I'm just projecting my own thoughts onto them).  For me, I guess that comes from being ridiculed since 3rd grade.  Others have been able to grow past that and simply ignore it, I haven't been able to do the same.

I'm really not trying to be difficult here, but I would love to know how others have overcome these feelings rather than simple, vague statements on how I should just ignore them.  For me, it has never been so easy.

I grew up being teased. I grew thicker skin and realized that most bullies have worse problems at home which is why they are such see you next Tuesdays to everyone else around them. Once I realized this I learned I do not care to impress or conform to them. They are literally nothing to me.

[Linde]

I can't wait!  I hope you're able to find a decent slip for your RV!  My mom used to have a small RV but she only used it traveling so I doubt she'd be of much help finding something in the Cities.

I was practically an experiment with my first therapist as she'd only worked with FtM clients before me and Dr. Zamboni, while really friendly, was still very clinical at the same time. Finding the right therapist is the key.  It's something I've yet to come across.

I found mine by searching on the internet.  I had one initially, who zero clue about transgender issues.  I sacked him after the first meeting.  I searched for all kinds of LGBTQI stuff, and it seemed that most positive outcomes indicated my therapist.

[Linde]

I grew up being teased. I grew thicker skin and realized that most bullies have worse problems at home which is why they are such see you next Tuesdays to everyone else around them. Once I realized this I learned I do not care to impress or conform to them. They are literally nothing to me.

I am similar to you.  having this girlish body and have to try to be a guy, and on top of it wearing glasses was not a real plus for me.  But I think it made me very stronger and be able to face almost anything.
But everybody is different, and we cannot draw conclusions from somebodies life, and try to apply them to another person.  I have guns, and I never ever would get the idea to use them on myself, again, I am different than the next person!

[KathyLauren]

I would love to know how others have overcome these feelings rather than simple, vague statements on how I should just ignore them.  For me, it has never been so easy.

I was very fearful before I came out publicly and went full-time.  I live in a tiny rural fishing village, population maybe 300, if you include the surrounding farms.  The people are all farmers, fishermen or hillbillies.  The demographics did not look good for acceptance.

I was freaking out with fear, so I scheduled an appointment with my therapist in the city to talk about it.  There was a blizzard forecast for the day of my appointment, so I drove in the day before and stayed at a hotel.  So I have an evening and a morning to kill in a city where hardly anyone would know me. 

I messaged a friend in the support group to see if they would like to hang out.  They invited me to a pup, where another support group member was doing stand-up comedy.  There was a whole group of support group members hanging out at the front table.  That was a confidence-builder right there, a group of openly trans folks, surrounded by tough-looking bikers and other random people, and no one minding in the least.

The next morning, I dressed as myself, and went for a walk around downtown.  I had breakfast at a coffee shop, went window-shopping in stores, talked to cashiers and waiters.  I made a purchase in a co-op store where I had to show my membership card.  The cashier looked up my member number in her computer and said "Are you <deadname>??"  I laughed, agreed that I was, and said I guess I'll have to update that!

That whole experience taught me that I could be myself in public, interact with random people, have a good time, and not experience any negativity.  By the time my afternoon appointment with my therapist rolled around, my fear had just about evaporated.

The way through fear is forward.

My coming out in my community a couple of weeks later was uneventful, and two years later, I am accepted by everyone.

[Tribble]

everybody is different, and we cannot draw conclusions from somebodies life, and try to apply them to another person.

Thank you.  Most of my support system does not understand this and I'm really happy to see someone that does.

Thank you.

[Linde]

Thank you.  Most of my support system does not understand this and I'm really happy to see someone that does.

Thank you.

Wait till I am up there!  We'll whoop them into understanding!  I could bring my guns along, and scare them to death? 

[Tribble]

Well, my husband successfully talked one psycho maniac intent on killing him for dating this guy's ex-girlfriend out of pulling the trigger of the gun put against his forehead and most of the rest of my family are gun owners/supporters, so I'm not sure that would work.

I would've told the guy to pull it.  Either he'd think I was the psycho and he'd back off, or he'd do it.  Either way is good with me.

I am looking forward to seeing you and Kim sometime while you're up here!

[Linde]

Well, my husband successfully talked one psycho maniac intent on killing him for dating this guy's ex-girlfriend out of pulling the trigger of the gun put against his forehead and most of the rest of my family are gun owners/supporters, so I'm not sure that would work.

I have a short barrel shot gun (the police shot gun type)!  Looks pretty mean the thing, even with a tactical flashlight attached to the front!