Can you hide a transition to the family especially when you start the hrt?

[Rikigirl]

I have been on HRT for 5 years and no one noticed until I told them. From what I have seen the younger and smaller you are the quicker and more significant HRT makes changes and it becomes less easy to pass as male. Unless they know I am just a broad shouldered balding male who has lost some strength. I have to wear a binder as my 18DD breasts became too difficult to hide and I have to use a binder wetsuit in summer to swim, but the loss of muscle is starting to make it look wrong.

Riki

[Jessica_K]

I have been on starting doses of E for 2,5 months now and there are even at my age significant changes that I can see, breasts rather man boobs, facial changes, loss of muscle specially arms, slightly fuller hips. I pass male still without my wig on but have to be more careful now

I am openly trans to everyone other than currently my children that I want to tell face to face and that will come in a few weeks when my grandson gets married.

But

Family do not know I am on HRT as my partner will not accept me being openly a woman though does accept that I am trans so to her and in her presence I have to ware male clothes but I guess one day I may not be able to other than to fake it and I will look more like a butch woman in men's clothes then male and maybe at that time she will accept me fully as who I am

Jessica xx

[AvaNovum]

Being able to hide being on Estrogen for a MTF person really depends on your body and how much it changes.  Also critical is what changes you make to clothing, hair, grooming, etc.
Personally, I hid being on HRT for nine months. I did not have close contact with my family but I work in an open office environment so coworkers were seeing me up close every day for eight plus hours and most didn't have a clue until I came in dressed fully feminine (clothes, makeup, and hair) one day in October. 
Part of this was introducing gradual change and keeping the gender clues I wanted folks to see up front.  I dressed the same way and did my hair the same way I had worn it for decades, just a bit longer.  When the breasts started to develop I began wearing tight spandex tank tops under my shirts and started wearing some of my less fitted items.  The tank top smoothed things out (also way more comfortable having things held in place) and less fitted tops can hide a lot .
Wish you the best of luck on your journey.

[DawnOday]

I had waited six weeks on HRT before I called a family meeting and explained it all. Although some of the support they had expressed has faded somewhat. I still think I was successful as I go to my meetings and appointments as my true identity. I will be attending my second Transgender gala this year, in two weeks. I've been married 35 years and would hate to lose them.

[jkredman]

I had waited six weeks on HRT before I called a family meeting and explained it all. Although some of the support they had expressed has faded somewhat. I still think I was successful as I go to my meetings and appointments as my true identity. I will be attending my second Transgender gala this year, in two weeks. I've been married 35 years and would hate to lose them.

I involved my spouse in the decision to start HRT.   She's been as supportive as she could be given I set off a WMD in the relationship by finally disclosing the pain I lived with for as long as I can remember.

I've been on HRT for 5 months.  I guess I'm responding well.  At my last appointment with my endo, she flat out told me it was time to come out to our daughters and their families.

I've been working with my transition coach (therapist) on how to accomplish this step.  I expect those conversations will happen in the next couple of months.

So to answer the question, I guess it depends on how quickly you reach the point of having the odd looks, or being asked the awkward question.

I do have to admit, for me it came much faster than I expected.

Kate


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[jkredman]

Unfortunately I am friends with some transwomen who did do hrt until 60 or 70 with big frames. Luckily for them the mental part of being on estrogen is 80% of the benefit! I am still pisses for waiting as long as I did and I just keep thinking how much better it would be if I h\was 12 or 13

Waited till I was 58.

The biggest benefit; I'm emotionally at peace with myself.

My transition now is day by day.  I wouldn't trade any of this for the world.

Kate


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DawnOday]

Initially my wife did not want to know. I explained DES poisoning to family and they accepted my explanation but wanted to know nothing more.  They said "Be yourself. "You will always be Dad." I took it they understood. Alas, not so much. The other day after I came home from therapy where Ben asked me why nobody from the family will come with me to our sessions. I didn't have an answer so I went home to get one. When I could not get her to listen I started explaining everything from my initial feelings as a youngster growing up. Wearing my sisters clothes. Sleeping in them. Going to babysit and putting the kids to bed. Then going to my sisters room and putting on her clothes and makeup. I explained to her the prayers that God would intervene and I would wake up a girl. I explained going to motels to dress-up on a regular basis. I reminded her, before we were married and she has said nothing since. I explained how I hid my clothes in air ducts etc. I explained to her the times I was caught and almost caught. I explained that my Mother caught me dressing the week before she died. How she had told us, all our lives, how we didn't like her and was going to walk out in front of a car. Well that's exactly how she died the next week. I have been carrying that around for 40 years. i think Jo realizes now that it is not just a whim. It is something I have been considering for a lifetime. I assured her I was not gay and if anything I am asexual. She seems to be more accepting now that all the secrets have been exposed. I can't lie, even white lies. Wait a little bit and I will turn myself in. Always have. I have a conscience. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I can't help the way I am. While being on HRT, I have not submitted a depression report to the doctor for the first time in decades.  I just feel I have been given something I have longed for and that is getting my brain back on track like it was when I came out of the womb. Yes I was born with sort of a penis, but that is really the only thing male about me.
   I do hope your wife comes around and realizes she married you for a reason other than sex.

[Julia1996]

I don't know how well you could hide it. Besides the eventual physical changes there seems to be another component to HRT. It is not a scientific fact at all but from personal experience I swear there is some sort of pheromone component to HRT that people aren't even aware of.  After about the 5 month mark after I started HRT people seemed to be able to tell something was different with me. I noticed a distinct change in how Tyler's friends reacted to me. At 5 months there really weren't many physical changes yet. My breasts were still a far off wish and my hips and butt hadn't really started to fill out yet. So I know they weren't reacting to any physical changes. The first thing I noticed was how much nicer they were to me. His friends had always been nice to me but they suddenly became much more polite to me. I also noticed they tended to try and show off more around me. The other thing I noticed was how they interacted with my physically. They were never rough with me before or did anything that could hurt me, Tyler absolutely would not have allowed that, but they did the usual stupid things young guys do to mess with people. Wetting a finger in their mouth and sticking it my ear, holding me down and writing on me with a marker or tickling the crap out of me, putting ice or snow down my back or nailing me with a snowball, etc. The stupid things guys guy find funny. All that changed to a kind of reluctance to touch me. When they did it was a very gentle hand on my arm or shoulder. Tyler's best friend actually asked him if I had started taking female hormones after I had been on HRT for 6 months. So he detected something.

We didn't tell my grandpa I had started HRT because my dad knew he would have a fit. After 6 months on hrt he seemed to know anyway. He asked my dad if I was taking estrogen. He didn't ask in a curious way but rather an accusing one. So people may not know exactly what is up with you but they will know something is.

[DebbySoufflage]

After a year I couldn't pass for male even if I tried very hard. People just saw a woman.
So, for me personally, after about half a year I was male-failing very hard.

So, be sure to have a back-up plan before you go on HRT, because YMMV.

Luv,
Debby

[DebbySoufflage]

I don't know how well you could hide it. Besides the eventual physical changes there seems to be another component to HRT. It is not a scientific fact at all but from personal experience I swear there is some sort of pheromone component to HRT that people aren't even aware of.  After about the 5 month mark after I started HRT people seemed to be able to tell something was different with me. I noticed a distinct change in how Tyler's friends reacted to me. At 5 months there really weren't many physical changes yet. My breasts were still a far off wish and my hips and butt hadn't really started to fill out yet. So I know they weren't reacting to any physical changes. The first thing I noticed was how much nicer they were to me. His friends had always been nice to me but they suddenly became much more polite to me. I also noticed they tended to try and show off more around me. The other thing I noticed was how they interacted with my physically. They were never rough with me before or did anything that could hurt me, Tyler absolutely would not have allowed that, but they did the usual stupid things young guys do to mess with people. Wetting a finger in their mouth and sticking it my ear, holding me down and writing on me with a marker or tickling the crap out of me, putting ice or snow down my back or nailing me with a snowball, etc. The stupid things guys guy find funny. All that changed to a kind of reluctance to touch me. When they did it was a very gentle hand on my arm or shoulder. Tyler's best friend actually asked him if I had started taking female hormones after I had been on HRT for 6 months. So he detected something.

We didn't tell my grandpa I had started HRT because my dad knew he would have a fit. After 6 months on hrt he seemed to know anyway. He asked my dad if I was taking estrogen. He didn't ask in a curious way but rather an accusing one. So people may not know exactly what is up with you but they will know something is.

Same here.
My transphobic brother figured out that I was on HRT because of the way my figure and face changed after 4-5 months HRT. He outed me to our parents before I told them.
So yeah, HRT is noticeable after a while. Visually and emotionally.
People sensed that my reactions and my thought patterns were different.
My hairdresser told me that my hairline looked so different when I was a year on HRT.

Luv,
Debby

[KristySims]

I'm at 5 months, and I haven't had anyone make any comments about it, but it's beginning to become quite difficult to pass as male. Nature's forcing me to move my timetable up.

Yeah, I am in the same boat, but a year in and the girls are a lot more visible (Bye Bye Winter and sweaters) My mom after a recent visit "Wow you look younger, what did you do?!"   I am just now getting mentally prepared to do something I was expecting to have more time.  My next post for advice! 

[Zefoxe]

im going to my first dr appointment at a specialty clinic next week, I hope I can get started soon, I think it would give me an excuse to stop putting off conversations 

[Lexi Nexi]

Well, you didn't specify whether or not you are MTF or FTM, so I can tell you that, as a FTM, the changes are difficult to hide once your voice starts cracking!  I was around a month in when I would wake up wondering if I would sound female or male.  It got so that every morning it was a game of "What Gender Do I Sound Like Today?"

Other changes that came around pretty quickly were, facial and body hair.  I ended up with a slight mustache, my arms became hairy and my sideburns, which I always let grow, started creeping down my face to form the beginnings of a beard.  Boy, was I happy when that happened!

There were other changes, of course, such as my facial shape.  I still have a (genetically) round face, but I'm happy that some of the fat has been redistributed.  Unfortunately, I now have a bit more belly fat than before!  My hips are thinner, and I also lost fat from my thighs.  My upper arms and shoulders are also more muscular, which gave me the courage to finally go without wearing my hoodie, which I used to wear to hide my body shape.  Now, I have a tendency to only wear it when I'm cold.  I've always been the "jeans and graphic t-shirts-type," so my going without my hoodie showed off my upper arms and shoulders more.  Now that skinny jeans have made a comeback, I wear those as well.  My partner says I definitely have a more masculine body shape, despite still having some hips.

So to answer your question, I think I could have hidden my transitioning for maybe...three weeks to a month and a half if I spoke.  If I didn't speak, I think I could have hidden myself for around two and a half to three months before my mustache really started growing in.  Its still sparse, but its definitely there.

Are you FTM or MTF?

Ryuichi

That's really interesting you don't hear much about ftm... I hated body hair so much and that smell you your hair gives give off when on test, or that urge to break smash sex eat get angry sex, smash, break...NOOOOOO I went insane on test that DID NOT fix my gender dysphoria it amplified it.

When you take estrogen your whole body gets soft its like this micro thin layer of bodyfat. I like the way it makes the tops of my feet feel soft smooth and flat the veins go away. Does taking T do the opposite? I still when I'm just sitting around catch myself touching the backs or my arms or the tops of my feet to feel that smooth hairless soft feeling, that has to be one of the top three parts of transitioning..

At first they were treating my "gender issue" with high levels of testosterone since I wasn't making it. All those things happened except the voice I never noticed, I'm mtf and I think I have a male voice but customer service people will 50/50 call me sir or ma'am before I give them my name. Can't figure out why. Maybe its the way I'm standing or my posture or mannerisms that translate over the phone?


Wish estrogen fixed your voice but I have never heard anyone complain about mine or switch from ma'am to sir once I open my mouth like I have seen with a lot of trans women unfortunately. Worst is when they yell "ITS MAAM NOT SIR!!!!" In this super loud scary voice. I saw a transwoman at the DMV do that when the poor girl was just reading the name of the MALE drivers license. Caused such a scene, she could have just stood up walked to the girl and said "Im changing to ms. today" I whispered to him thanking him for making us all look bad which he didn't know I was trans so he called me a "transphobic 'cis-something' bitch". See even recalling it I keep subconsciously saying he instead of her.

[Lexi Nexi]

Yeah, I am in the same boat, but a year in and the girls are a lot more visible (Bye Bye Winter and sweaters) My mom after a recent visit "Wow you look younger, what did you do?!"   I am just now getting mentally prepared to do something I was expecting to have more time.  My next post for advice! 

Isn't that weird? EVERY person said I look 25 instead of 35, I always ask people my age because I'm weird and like demographics and how people view the reality that I create. I'm 37 going on 28. I think its that thin layer of fat I was talking about. You know what I don't get constantly anymore: "You look just like Michael J Fox" I even changed my hair so people would say that... less. Now I'm trans Michael j fox.

[KristySims]

I posted in another thread since I posted here that I actually got misgendered a week or so ago (Dressed as my male self!) made me feel fantastic but the jig is up so the OP asking about if you can transition without the family knowing will be a little challenging. 

Now something to consider, it's not just HRT that's going to "Out you" ,there are a lot of things that are happening that you may or may not notice or control. 

1. I have also lost close to 30 lbs (I'm at 168 lbs now still working on getting it a little lower.....  6 months ago I was 190 and 5 years before 325lbs)
2. I started with a short military haircut 2 years ago and today it's now hitting my shoulders. 
3. I am also standing a little differently and handle myself differently.... 
4. Oh!!  and one BIG change that most friends and family have immediately noticed....  I smile a LOT more and I am much happier.

So you might be able to hide it for a while but keep in mind that transitioning is more than just boobs and curves 

[Ryuichi13]

That's really interesting you don't hear much about ftm... I hated body hair so much and that smell you your hair gives give off when on test, or that urge to break smash sex eat get angry sex, smash, break...NOOOOOO I went insane on test that DID NOT fix my gender dysphoria it amplified it.

When you take estrogen your whole body gets soft its like this micro thin layer of bodyfat. I like the way it makes the tops of my feet feel soft smooth and flat the veins go away. Does taking T do the opposite? I still when I'm just sitting around catch myself touching the backs or my arms or the tops of my feet to feel that smooth hairless soft feeling, that has to be one of the top three parts of transitioning..

At first they were treating my "gender issue" with high levels of testosterone since I wasn't making it. All those things happened except the voice I never noticed, I'm mtf and I think I have a male voice but customer service people will 50/50 call me sir or ma'am before I give them my name. Can't figure out why. Maybe its the way I'm standing or my posture or mannerisms that translate over the phone?


Wish estrogen fixed your voice but I have never heard anyone complain about mine or switch from ma'am to sir once I open my mouth like I have seen with a lot of trans women unfortunately. Worst is when they yell "ITS MAAM NOT SIR!!!!" In this super loud scary voice. I saw a transwoman at the DMV do that when the poor girl was just reading the name of the MALE drivers license. Caused such a scene, she could have just stood up walked to the girl and said "Im changing to ms. today" I whispered to him thanking him for making us all look bad which he didn't know I was trans so he called me a "transphobic 'cis-something' bitch". See even recalling it I keep subconsciously saying he instead of her.

I hear so much about "testosterone made me angry" but it has yet to happen to me.  I doubt if it ever will.  I'm beginning to wonder if in the transgender community, it's because so many MTFs are unhappy about being AMAB that they lashed out? 

Personally, I love the male changes my body's finally going through!  I once again have muscles even though I haven't worked as a Paramedic since 2010 (I called it "carrying people for a living."  Boy does that confuse people when you say that!  ), and I don't mind the hair I've grown on my arms.  I don't have much on my legs, which doesn't surprise me, since my brothers also don't have a lot of leg hair.  My hair is very dry (being African-American) so I don't have a "hair smell" per se.  I'm glad to have gotten rid of so much of the fat around my body, especially my facial face and the fat on my legs!  I don't mind having a spare tire,I had one before going on T.

I tend to correct people as well when misgendered, but I'm not obnoxious about it like that person at your DMV was.  WOW!  I feel bad for the poor person that was just doing their job, and didn't know they were changing the gender marker on their license!  And to insult you instead of realizing you said "us."  Perhaps they were so angry they didn't notice.  Oh well, there are angry people of every gender. 

KristySims is correct.  Once you're finally becoming your true self, you do act differently!  I know I began sitting the way I wanted instead of hearing my Mom's voice in my head that used to say "sit with your legs together, you're a lady."  Ugh.  Now I can sit how I want!

I also hold myself more masculine, which is more natural to me than "pretending to be female" used to feel.

And I too give more genuine smiles! 

Quick story.  My partner and I went out for lunch this past Sunday, and I was my normal, happy self.  My partner later pointed out that I might have come across to the waitress as "flirting," even though I wasn't.  I'm going to have to reign my happiness at finally becoming recognized as my male self back a bit!   

Ryuichi

[Battle Goddess]

YMWV, like with everybody else. I'm four months in, with the first two accomplishing nothing much, and people are already noticing there's something different about me and that it looks good, but they can't quite figure out what it is.

Maybe I'm just smiling more.

[Lexi Nexi]

I posted in another thread since I posted here that I actually got misgendered a week or so ago (Dressed as my male self!) made me feel fantastic but the jig is up so the OP asking about if you can transition without the family knowing will be a little challenging. 

Now something to consider, it's not just HRT that's going to "Out you" ,there are a lot of things that are happening that you may or may not notice or control. 

1. I have also lost close to 30 lbs (I'm at 168 lbs now still working on getting it a little lower.....  6 months ago I was 190 and 5 years before 325lbs)
2. I started with a short military haircut 2 years ago and today it's now hitting my shoulders. 
3. I am also standing a little differently and handle myself differently.... 
4. Oh!!  and one BIG change that most friends and family have immediately noticed....  I smile a LOT more and I am much happier.

So you might be able to hide it for a while but keep in mind that transitioning is more than just boobs and curves

So true. Is there any particular reason why you want to hide? Are you just planning on hiding it for a few months that way when you introduce yourself as female they won't see a "crossdresser" I had this fear and I started dressing way too early and it weird-ed out my family a little because they thought that's what I was going to look like and were afraid I would have got discriminating. In hind sight I should have just waited until the last 6 months got my hsir done, my make up professionally, wore a nice dress and just walked into the room and said "Hello I'm your daughter Lexi" But now they see that I transitioning really well. Being passible isn't everything but you have to have  the right mindset friends coworkers liberal area of the country or right country of lifr is going to be much hard BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT. Talk therapy with a REAL LGBT therapist can get you to being 100% fine with out being 100% passible. Those transwoman you see in the memes on asshle youtube videos where the big tall cross dresser or transwoman yells in that big scary voice  "ITS MISS NOT ITS MISS!!!!" Didn't get therapy, also F that guy he makes ALL of us look bad and how many thousands of people are going to see that meme, never meet a trans person in real life and think they are all like that and back we go 30 years trying to get equal rights. The person shouting is more so responsible then the other person because it was probably just an honest slip by an over worked underpaid worker. In hind sight I didn't even realize it but I called that trans woman a guy/he just because in my brain I saw masculinity; mainly in actions not so much the face. When you are making another MTF call you sir you are doing something wrong. I'm sorry he's big and won't look semigirly like I do but you are bringing us all down and how high is you test? I never out lash like that on estrogen.


Or are they the "pray away the gay type religious folks(those groups should be legally responsible for every suicide they cause, did you know you have to pay money for that? disgusting. If so are you just making an exit plan? Sorry but that could work.


It really comes down to your body. Even with family who I didn't really tell I transitioning and they came to visit me, I was dressed as a guy but two store clerks in a row called me ma'am and he got real suspicious since you cant fake that. At first I said I'm losing weight always in my face and brings out my high cheek bones" He said makes sense, then I said:
oh yeah and I stopped taking my testosterone shots 9 months ago, stopped weightlifting started cardio, take a blocker for whats test is left, and a high dose of estrogen higher then most women.
"Er Ahhh WHAT? Is that some sort term hormone treatment of like a tumor on you testosterone gland (he knew nothing about physiology)
I said: "No just woke up one day and decided I wanted to be a girl, try something new, right now Its way different then what I thought feels awesome and also I have no more interest in women"

"You lost you sex drive that makes sense you are really messing up your junk"

"No I didn't lose it at all I'm just into men now especially ones who treat me like a lady and buy me girly clothes."

"Wow cool! Do you have girl name yet? Can I name you?"

"Hell no you will name me Pants or Elephant shoes or Custom Veggies or something."

We are an odd bunch.

Another thing that happens when you see your body start to change you will get antsy and really not like guys clothes plus they will stop fitting right and it's stupid to go out and buy guys clothes that will not be comfortable, and have to do it again in 3 months when they totally don't fit.


Also subconsciously the girly mannerism's that I hid for years started coming out in the way I would stand, walk, and use my hands call things cute etc,. The more you fight these things the harder its going to be when it time to come out for real.

[graspthesanity]

I'll have to disagree with many. If you MUST hide, then do so. I've been hiding for over a year now and I am very very male passing and my voice dropped. But it can be argued that I come from places where people have no idea of the effects of Testosterone, good ol' Eastern Eaurope... so they've never met trans people. So they just see changes and that's that.