Almost a year after my Introduction - Finally coming out

[KristySims]

I kinda feel bad for not being more active on a forum that has indirectly helped me over the years, but I am now starting to peek out of the self imposed prison since my first introduction post almost a year ago. I've started to embrace my "->-bleeped-<-", I am now 1+ year into my HRT, and my hair is almost long enough for a ponytail I've been seeing a voice therapist for about 6 months. I have now come out to over a dozen close friends, family and coworkers all of which have been amazingly supportive. I have had 5 skype FFS consultations and have decided to go with Dr. Mardirossian and VFS surgery with Dr Haben  (Sometime in the next 12-18 months) while on a 4-6 leave from work to come back as the real ME!

One of the hardest hurtles is having a "leg" in both worlds and having to balance... worrying about who knows and who doesn't and always feeling like I am hiding something. I know coming out was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but in the same breath, it has been the most liberating. I can now talk openly about my life rather than sharing 1/2 a story or worrying about sharing too much or outing myself. I plan to take the next year or less sharing with all of the people that know the "male side", about my transition although I have asked them not to worry about how to address me or treat me any differently. I don't plan to present to them as female until I am ready to switch (after my 4-6 week leave of absence) I have read and talked to other trans-women and I think it is more awkward and hard for the people I have only known as male to see en-fem. So far that has worked, as I can still be myself without making anyone uncomfortable. Of course my friends who only know the female side, I also only see as female so it has been positive even though all of my friends say they don't care how I present, I am more relaxed and comfortable doing it this way. At the end of the day,  I don't want my interactions to be about my "transness" I just want to blend in and be normal and accepted.

So to all of you that make this a safe and supportive atmosphere, thanks for paving the way for the rest of us!

Kristy

[Zoey421]

Hi Kristy, I haven't started HRT and came out in November 2018. I can relate to your concerns about living a double life. The conclusion I came to was to live my life, present outwardly as a woman, in a way that is authentic to me. I struggled with telling my family, friends who have known me for most of my life, and work colleagues.

Do I live the double life all the time or do I accept my true self, accept what makes me happy and whole, essentially living daily as a woman? I chose to tell people that I am transitioning while respecting they may not understand why, but hopefully they will accept me for my choices because this is about my mental health and my well-being. At the end of the day, I am happier and hopefully a better person with whom to interact.

So, I dress female 98% of the time but use Zoe in social situations and my given name for business. It is not ideal. As as Chartered Professional Accountant, I believe I need to keep my given name because of registration with the CPA BC and dont want to confuse matters with them. When I change my name legally, then I can everything. It's complicated, I know!

The only person to whom I present as Male is my 20y son. I need him to travel on this journey with me so he can understand why. He is accepting and supportive, however.

Each person has their own journey to travel.  It is personal and only relevant to you. Your choices need to work for you. The transgender community is very diverse in my experience. This is why I believe it is important to accept who you are meant to be and be thoughtful about other's relationship to you.

My therapist and I talk about being careful to not come out of one closet only to enter another.

Good luck with your FFS and I hope you find continued happiness.

Hugs Zoe

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

[KristySims]

Happy Birthday Zoe and thanks for sharing! It is humbling to know we are all on a similar journey with separate paths but that we all have the same obstacles. I can't wait to shed the old life and start a new beginning. Each day brings me closer to that goal.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Kristy, finally! About time you spoke up. lol You don't know me so I feel obligated to say I'm joking, but I am glad you have gotten to a place where you feel comfortable sharing more. Keep it up, okay? Your progress sounds fantastic. You sound like you have a plan that works. Yeah it is hard to be in both worlds. There is nothing like changing in your car after work to present female to your therapist to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. My head said put up with it because what I did was necessary, but emotionally, it was tough.
I do think it is hard to estimate what others need as far as our visual transformation. I tended to be a gradualist. I told work a good 8 months before I transitioned. Plenty of time to adjust, no? Any way, stop being so quiet. Share your good news, okay? lol

[KristySims]

Awe thanks for the post!  8 months yes I was thinking maybe a year, did you present as female after or did you do a lights off - lights on sorta thing?