To all my wonderful friends here, thank you for the kind words. I took a couple of days off to spend with my BFF and I feel much better. Having one very special friend plus all of you here really does help.
Some of the underlying problems remain, such as being isolated in a neighborhood where I used to be invited out for social events, but now the phone doesn't ring any more. Spur-of-the-moment calls or texts like, "hey, we're heading out to dinner, meet you there," or "hey, we're going kayaking tomorrow, why don't you join us?" don't happen any more. And I don't get calls from my ciswomen friends to go with them clothes shopping or getting their nails done or whatever. Those are things I see friends doing, and I have to wonder what's wrong with me that I haven't made friends like that.
I do have to acknowledge that there are good things in my life. I have a very special person who is willing to listen to my whining, and also shares her ups and downs with me. Occasionally invitations for well-planned events will include me, though in most cases only through association with my BFF, not because my name occurred to them individually. But I'll take what I can get. I was invited to a friend's house yesterday for a thanksgiving dinner, and I'll be going to a Christmas party later in December.
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@Jessica , thank you so much for the big hugs!
@HappyMoni , you are so special to me. We have so much in common, despite you getting a head start on me, and having such a weird name. Thank you so much for your kind words both here and in your PMs. I do look forward to meeting you some day, fridge or not.
@ChrissyRyan , thank you for your kindness, and I'm so sorry my post made you sad. Your sympathy and understanding mean so much to me.
@Jessica_Rose ,
@Susan_Rose , and daughter Kimberly... what can I say? You are all the best. Like most others here, you get it. I know when you read my words you can feel what I mean, because you've felt it, too. Thank you for the blue, red, and purple hugs.
@KathyLauren , thank you for your empathetic words. You do understand. Your big hug was appreciated. I'll be waving back from the silver airplane overflying your house on Wednesday evening.
@Donica , the love in your Big Warm Hug was felt all the way over here in Florida.
@Alaskan Danielle , you do make me realize that, despite my occasional bouts of feeling sorry for myself, I do have it good in some respects compared to others. And I do know that everyone else has to transition along with me, and some are better at it than others. And yes, "C" was the magic solution to my depression.
@Michelle_P , you are a rock of understanding, logic, and warm guidance here. You and
@Rachel and
@Laurie and
@HappyMoni were my guiding stars as I got started and made my way through this labyrinth of transition, and I've read every word in all of your threads. People like you are what makes Susan's so valuable.
@Stevi , thank you for your sympathy. I don't believe my family were being deliberately callous or dense, but it still hurt after a while anyway. Your blue hug was pretty good. I guess I should conduct a test to see how other colors compare.
@Faith ... my friend. You do put things into perspective for me, though I think you may still be too hard on yourself. You're doing better than you want to acknowledge. But I'm going to keep the focus on myself (it's MY thread, so pthththth!). I do have to admit that I'm far enough along that I haven't been misgendered by strangers in a long time. I'll be leaving on my big adventure on Wednesday, and I have full expectations of being treated as the woman Stephanie for the entire trip. So yeah, I know: quit whining. Well, I say again: Pththththth! When it hurts, it hurts...
@davina61 , thank you for the big bag o' hugs. I dug them out from under the kisses and used a few of them. I plan to keep the rest in the bag until I need them. Ill let you know when they're used up.
@Jaime320 , I don't think we've talked yet. Thank you for the hug. You're obviously a pilot, though I don't know where. Hugs from afar, but meeting up at a fly-in. Hmmm... It's hard to believe you've read my entire thread. I can believe it took a a couple of weeks. You're a real glutton for punishment. I hope you found some parts helpful
@TonyaW , I do believe that my family does want to get it right, so it's not fair to get mad at them for the misgendering. That doesn't keep it from hurting nonetheless. I like your policy of making a deal of not getting mad when they misgender you if they don't get mad if you correct them. Very wise!
@Kendra , what can I say? Your messages and texts are witness to the special regard you seem to hold for me. I still wonder at that. I'm still puzzled why you would find me worth sneaking across the country to attend my party unannounced, or accompany me as I take Europe. But I'm not complaining. In addition to one special person who I wish could go on my trip with me, you are among an exclusive and small group of people who I would choose to have any adventure with. I would never take you for granite. It's a shame we're so far apart.
Newton's first and third laws also apply. It's obvious that thought patterns have inertia, too. It'll take a while to get the family up to speed. And I'm starting to experience an equal and opposite reaction to my earlier meltdown. I'm bouncing back.
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I bought a new dress to wear to the thanksgiving dinner yesterday. After my BFF and I left we hit a Starbucks, and as we stood up to go, I heard a voice behind me: "Ma'am? Ma'am?!" I turned, and there was a young woman who was trying to get my attention to tell me just how much she loved my dress. I really needed that. Yes, I'm bouncing back...
Stephanie
