Lost and seeking guidance

[kogami]

For last few weeks I have been suffering a lot of dysphoria and depression. I suffer a lot of anxiety so even typing this out is hard for me. My family is supportive non supportive in that they verbally say they support my life, but often say anti trans things to me and use me as a piece of gossip with their friends. Example: My one sister said she supports me but thinks being transgender is a sin. I'd honestly work if I could to transition faster, but I'm locked down as 24 hour nurse for emotionally abusive terminally ill mother that often says anti-trans things to me.

I've been on hormones for a year now and just kinda lost on next steps to take. I'm disabled and on Oregon health plan insurance which only covers hormones and SRS. I make a little income doing virtual clothing design for a game called second life, but its barely enough for electrolysis. I had to stop electrolysis for half the year because just didn't have the money for it, but resuming in a week. Few months ago I found a local transgender clothing swap event that runs every season and was finally able to have a few female outfits I can comfortable wear outside. I also know how to sew clothes, but currently lack materials.

Think I am a bit all over the place, I'm not really good at asking for help since I usually find self punished for it in life. What I need is guidance, through this crazy labyrinth of transitioning. Feel hopeless and lost trying to figure things out. Half the stuff I'm confused with I wont need to worry about for a few years even, but not knowing just makes me feel like I'll never escape this feeling of being lost. I should really ask questions before I make people get bored and stop reading.

I feel to get to point i feel comfortable with my body as female, I am going to need cosmetic surgery:
FFS - I always feel dysphoria with my face, but I do think my lips are feminine.
Tummy Tuck - I was in a lab explosion in college that gave me some scarring and sagging along with
          pre-existing stretch marks all over my belly. I used to weight 250lbs(113 kg), now I'm 160lbs(113 kg).
Body Contouring(I don't know proper name) - After 3 years of hormone I want to consider if I'm dissatisfied
          with my shape, I'd prefer fat moved to my breasts before I'd consider implants.
VFS - I considered at a time, but honestly even though my voice is masculine it doesn't trigger my dysphoria.

I'm honestly unsure if those are the best options, or how to go about them, or their costs. I don't know difference with medical tourism. I also don't know other steps I need to take in transitioning.

Just feel lost, I don't even know right questions to ask. I need some guidance.

[Dena]

As money is the real issue here, you might want to consider doing what you can with the small amount that you have. You won't be able to have everything on your list but you might be able to make your money go farther.

Many of our members get clothing from second hand stores. Often you can buy items for just a few dollars. Unfortunately that doesn't work for me because of my hight but if your in the normal range, you could fill out your wardrobe for very little.

FFS may not be possible but a good deal can be accomplished with the proper hair style and makeup. This takes a good deal of playing around but you have the time and the cost is reasonable.

VSF really shouldn't be considered before working with a therapist. Possible your insurance will cover this but the members on this site are willing to help you get the most out of your current voice. Skype can also assist with this and we have a voice group who talk to each other online with the goal of refining their voice.

[kogami]

Well I'm unsure if financial will always be a problem, and I could always save for or get a loan. I do want to try second hand clothing stores, but hard to get family to substitute for me nursing. I do have some makeup that I've played around with, not sure what I should be getting for makeup for practicing with. I've tried training voice a little, but for most part didnt feel i made progress, I have a bit of trouble with voice because of brain damage in language part of brain as a child.

Clothing and makeup are something I feel I can work on now, but even that im feeling lost with lately.

Still worried about future surgery stuff and what other steps I can take.