HI Everyone, I am an older tg mtf person. I keep fighting against transition and fear it will never happen. I first had these feelings when I was 5 years old and have pictures to prove this. I got caught wearing a life sized doll's clothes too many times and my parents punished me by trying to embarrass me. I knew then to hide my desires but still got caught several times. Each time being caught was met with anger and attempts to embarrass me. From this, I probably learned to hide my feelings and consider them to be wrong.
I have a looonnnnggg story but these are the basics. I did a self orchid at 21, compartmentalized my desires and then avoided them, eventually married, became intolerable in my late 30's likely due to the lack of any hormones in my body, went on t for awhile, then my feelings for being a woman resurfaced with a vengeance. Wife threatened to keep me from seeing child (artificial insemination, but still my child who i love beyond belief), admitted to manipulating me to suit her own needs. Now i am in my 50's on injectables for two years but still can't commit to physical transition.
