Hmm this is a very interesting dynamic. I feel most women (and I am making a general assumption here so please my intentions are not to offend anyone here) often want a bit of bdsm play. My wife likes and wants it, however we have never actually had a sexual experience together that included that. I know all of my past committed relationships all the women had some sort of fantasy or minor kink into some light or even heavy bondage, so even had rape fantasies, even though it's not actually rape and it's with a partner she loves and trusts.
I feel alot of it is in the mindset, and setting the mood. Building anticipation etc. Being forceful but not hurting etc, even playful torture of oh you just climaxed and I know your still sensitive but I'm going to keep this vibe wand on you and send you over the edge again and you cant do anything about it bc your restrained, with in reason and obviously communication comes very heavily into play here before hand establishing boundaries and safe words and things wanting to be experienced.
Most women if they are not bi or bi curious want a man in bed and want their man to be a man. I know that is one of my wife's biggest hurdles with me. We have never been intimate with me as woman. However we don't mind role reversal but I don't think she would be willing to try more than once with me dressed as a woman while we have sex.
So that's a entirely different obstacle to over come. And if she identifies as a woman. Then she prob wants to experience sex in the female role and most likely wants to have done to herself what you want to have done to do.
Again these are just some assumptions I am making, so I could be very off base here. I'm just trying to put myself in both of your shoes, to hopefully help and find some sort of solution or compromise.
Have you tried male chastity before. Where your husband is pretty much your slave and your sexual needs come first. Might be a different direction that you can try. She may feel more feminine by being forced to do the things you want if she wants the chastity cage to be removed and to be aloud to have an orgasm, and you can make her do what you want, again with chastity over long periods with no orgasm she will eventually be willing to do anything to be released and given an orgasm. Just food for thought.
Getting back to your original post do you see your husband as possibly being able to get into the female dominant mind set, if so then some BDSM is def possible, and then at that point we just need to figure out how to have you over come her dressed up as woman.
You can always get some adult books on bdsm and how to start out and what to do. Might give some options for some light bdsm that is explained in a way she knows that she won't be hurting you when it's performed.
Just all food for thought. Ultimately you know what you like and want and she knows what she likes and wants. And you both know what you need. So best thing I can suggest is talk, anything and everything. Kinks, fantasies desires etc. Nothings off limits with just talking and asking questions. Figuring out why they want it and like it, will ultimately help you both become better lovers for one another. And again this is a very intimate topic so a safe space with no judgement no ridicule, just going into it with an open mind to try to understand.
