Hey everybody, it's been a while, I've mostly been lurking lately because life is hectic, as it always is.
So... since I transitioned I don't even know how long ago, I lost my job, not because I transitioned or anything, quite the opposite, my late bosses were all kinda old but so kind to me, they were like "We don't really understand your situation, but we like you a lot, and the clients like you too, you're the best at what you do, so don't worry about anything"
The company closed because one by one they were beat by cancer and at the end everybody was laid off, I still miss them to this day, they were like family to such a degree that I didn't mind if they misgendered me by accident and they would listen my pain when I divorced... but life needs to keep going on, I started translating stuff to spanish for some guy in the other side of the world and eventually got a job in one of those data recollection and analysis companies, long story short, I worked there for 2 years, I tried to work somewhere IRL fixing computers again but never did because I don't know how to get a job as a lady , when I presented myself as a boy I just needed to sass whoever was interviewing me and the job was mine, on the spot, but now... I don't really know, I pass really well, so me being who I am shouldn't be an issue, but the times I tried getting a job it just didn't happen, so I stuck with the online stuff, even if it sometimes made me feel like if I just had a "pretend job".
I was feeling lucky because a month ago microsoft of all companies hired me through a third party, the dream job for me, from home, enough hours to still have time to give my husband my full attention and finally go to college, anyways, a month has passed, I paid the first six months of college and now all of a sudden, I'm so close to being laid off again, most likely in fifteen days or so because of some mistakes I'm absolutely sure they're the system's fault.
I'm scared, there hasn't been any online jobs for me lately, I still for the life of me can't get a job IRL, my husband takes care of me, but depression really gets to me if I can't feel productive, I want to study so I can get a degree and be worth more for adoption organizations, I believe I can cheat the system somehow if I pay my SRS and tell them I just can't have babies, for both the college degree and the SRS I needed my job, pretty much any other job I could possibly get in my country for someone with my current studies would not pay for either one, so losing this job is a really big pain, I just want a baby, that's my only motivator, thinking about not ever being a mother drills in my head so hard it's painful, I just don't know anymore...
sorry everybody, just needed to let it out, maybe have someone listen, thanks anyways
