Porn triggers dysphoria

[DominicDias]

Hi I'm a 24 year old trans man and I'm with a trans woman. My girlfriend and I have issues with sex rightfully so and we both relied on porn prior to getting one another. However since being in a relationship I have stopped watching it and she has watched gay porn a couple of times due to habit and helping her feel more comfortable when it comes to masterbation. I understand how that is however I get extreamly dysphoric and near suicidal when she does it because I dont feel like I could ever be like what shes watching. I guess I just want to know if anyone else is with a partner dealing with the same feelings because I feel really alone.

[Ryuichi13]

Why not try watching porn together as a type of foreplay?  You could watch her favorite type of porn the first time, then switch off, or even watch both of your favorite genres as foreplay.  There is no reason to stop watching porn, and it's more fun when you do it together.

I know that having issues with dysphoria when you're trans isn't fun, but if the two of you work together, maybe you can help each other have a healthy sex life.  It will take patience, communication and understanding.  If one partner isn't in the mood, then stop and talk as to what the problem may be.  Together, you might be able to sort through your dysphoria long enough for the two of you to enjoy each other.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.  That's what this forum is for, so that us transfamily can help each other.

Welcome to the forum!

Ryuichi

[DominicDias]

We have tried that and I it's been a month since and i still remember it and get depressed thinking about it. I cant even watch sex scenes in movies or hear conversation about that specific body part i dont have without feeling empty and depressed with thoughts of self harm sometimes. And I also have spoke to her about it plenty of times and somehow she still ends up doing it and it just hurts me. She just did it again today and I haven't said anything to her because I'm so mentally drained between last months topic of watching it together and this today. I dont get aroused from it because I get so upset that she strictly likes gay men and i dont look like them or function like them. I cant even masturbate and finish on my own any more because I'm just way too dysphoric. And with her only into men with that specific part I just dont feel good enough or attractive enough.

[Ryuichi13]

We have tried that and I it's been a month since and i still remember it and get depressed thinking about it. I cant even watch sex scenes in movies or hear conversation about that specific body part i dont have without feeling empty and depressed with thoughts of self harm sometimes. And I also have spoke to her about it plenty of times and somehow she still ends up doing it and it just hurts me. She just did it again today and I haven't said anything to her because I'm so mentally drained between last months topic of watching it together and this today. I dont get aroused from it because I get so upset that she strictly likes gay men and i dont look like them or function like them. I cant even masturbate and finish on my own any more because I'm just way too dysphoric. And with her only into men with that specific part I just dont feel good enough or attractive enough.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you need a (gender) therapist to help you work out these feelings of self-harm.  Dysphoria is something that all transgender people deal with.  The self-harm urges is not. 

If your girlfriend wasn't into you, she wouldn't be with you.  Its obvious that she likes something about you.  But what we find sexually attractive is often different than what a partner finds attractive.  I'm willing to bet that she's in some way attracted to you sexually.  Try asking her what she finds sexually attractive about you. 

If you're dysphoric about your body, a gender therapist could help you.  Sure, our bodies don't have the cis pars we wish that we were born with, but that can be solved with surgery, or even a pack and play prosthetic penis.  There are plenty of them on the market designed for us transmen to use that can give pleasure to both you as well as your partner.  Perhaps something like that can help alleviate your dysphoria to some degree.  I know my prosthetic helped me feel better about myself, hopefully something like that will help you.

Ryuichi

[Lexxi]

I agree with Ryuichi 100%. They make also make strapons that are supposedly very comfortable and very functional. In fact two of the adult performers I like are a lesbian couple. One of them consistently uses a strapon and she wields that thing as if it were real. I'm sure you could find one that's to your liking.

I also have to agree with Ryuichi that she wouldn't be with you unless she's in to you. Each of you are learning about the other's new bodies and that takes time. Don't give up! Oh and I also have to agree that couples sex therapy might do you all some good.

I truly wish you the best of luck!!

Lexxi

xoxo

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Dominic!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

I agree with the suggestion above to talk to a gender therapist about this.  Different people react differently to porn, but clearly it is triggering major dysphoria for you.  A therapist might be able to help to de-energize that effect, or find some alternative foreplay that will meet both your needs.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Ricki Wright]

It sounds as if your relationship is dangerously one sided. I second the therapist suggestion for you. Either finding the way to alleviate the GD, or getting permission to be angry about your situation may go a long way to helping your peace of mind.

Hugs until then

To bad the "Altered Carbon" technology does not exist yet. We could all just by the sleeve we want and live our lives without fear for our safety.

Ricki