Kay's Path

[Northern Star Girl]

@Kay226
Dear Kay:
I am so very sorry to read of your rough week at your work.  The situation that you described with being "micromanaged" and
then they want the remaining employees to snitch on each other.....  WOW... I was shocked to read that.

I trust and hope that your prospective new job opportunity turn out well for you and you can get your new
job before you are let go. 

Your therapist is giving you good advice to you... that you should come up with positive self validating
phrases to start saying to yourself.  My thought is that positive thoughts usually produce positive
outcomes.... and conversely, negative thoughts can produce negative outcomes.

Be certain to take care of your home plumbing repairs while wearing your "man grubs" BEFORE you go to my
hair stylist and get a glammed up as you are coming up with positive self validating phrases to start
saying to myself.

Please keep your Blog thread and your postings elsewhere on the Forums updated with your progress.
I along with your other followers will be eagerly looking for your postings.

HUGS, and I am wishing your well as you continue in your journey.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Happy Saturday everyone! I had a rough week at work. As I have mentioned, our office is closing. They let most of our staff go. They kept a few of us to finish things up. The problem is, there is not enough of us to finish these tasks. We are being micromanaged by a person way up the food chain. We have all gotten phone calls from this person who seems like they want us to snitch on each other as to who is slacking. Honestly, none of us are. The company created this problem. Each day morale seems lower. Most of us are staying for the exit package which is fairly decent. Hoping the company that I talked to has a position open right about the time we close. One of my issues is that I have always worked hard and thrived on the external validation that I would receive. It is no longer there. My therapist and I talked about working on internal validation. Something I have always struggled with. She left me with an assignment to come up with positive self validating phrases to start saying to myself. I am working on that this weekend.

Tomorrow I go to my hair stylist. I get a little glammed up for that. Nothing too flashy, but not wearing my man grubs! This afternoon I need to work on an ongoing plumbing problem at our house. Ugh!

[Kay226]

Short work week! Yay! Saw my therapist last evening. We have been working off some worksheets and she sends me home with things to think about and write down. My assignment going into this last session was to think of some things I can say to validate myself. I came in with affirmations that resonate with me, so we talked about them and refined them. We came up with: I choose myself, I trust myself and I love myself. And also, I am valuable, I am wise, I am loved. I have some things to think about for next week, maybe I will share in another post.

Saw my hair stylist over the weekend. She specializes in LGBTQ+ clients. I often see a transwoman leaving her studio when I get there. Going there is so affirming for me. We discussed what I wanted that appointment. Short or long? She said 'stay with long' as that is one of the things that helps me feel feminine and it is one of the main things that I have control over right now. She is fantastic!

I read a lot of writings by trans people here and elsewhere on the internet. So many of us, including myself, deal with the inner chatter of dysphoria and self doubt in all areas of who we are as people. Welcome the positive thoughts and euphoria when it appears!

[Oldandcreaky]

Kay, I love your Mary Oliver quote.

Is that a digitally-modified photo of you? If not, I'm surprised you're still able to present as male.

[Kay226]

This morning we went to the local farmer's market. Parked the car and started walking. A couple older than us walked past us. About 10 feet ahead, the lady turned around and glared at me. Then she shook her head back and forth as they resumed walking. My middle finger wanted to go up, but I didn't want to make a scene. As we got to the farmer's market the first person I saw was a man with a hair bun, then a transwoman walked past us. I hope they ruined that old woman's day!! After buying some veggies for roasting for dinner tonight, we stopped in a cafe and had a small breakfast.

My long weekend was rather quiet as we often say that we are very boring people. We did not go to watch fireworks on the 4th. Our dog doesn't like loud noises so we stay home with him. Our neighborhood can sound like a war zone with the mortars that people down the street shoot off! We did some yard work and grilled out. Today I plan to journal for this week's therapy session and catch some self care time before the workweek starts. Thinking about how my life will look after our office closes. I have some, well a lot, of anxiety about this.

[Kay226]

I am really going thru something lately. Not a dark night of the soul, but enough to make me want to isolate until I figure things out. As I have mentioned, my office is closing and there are no options to continue working with the company, except maybe moving a long distance and that is not in the cards for us right now. I am staying for the exit package but it is clear that they don't have a plan for finishing up the open accounts and moving all our furniture, computers, files to? They let most of the office go, and they are wondering why the few of us left cannot finish everything. Managers up the food chain are calling & emailing to micro manage us for totally unrealistic goals. I am not sure why I care so much and not sure what they could do if we fail. Fire us? Take away from the exit package? Clearly this situation is bothering me. My therapist was sick this week and cancelled our appointment.

I have also been triggered by my imposter syndrome. I think the long row of dominoes all fell. Maybe I need a good cry. I feel guilty for dumping here, I really try to be a positive person.

I just scanned an article that hit home. Yes, my life is in a lot of transition and filled with uncertainty. The uncertainty is very triggering for me.

[Lori Dee]

That does sound stressful. I am the same way in that I was always taught that a job worth doing is worth doing well. Many coworkers disagreed and pointed out that we don't get paid enough to do THAT good a job. I would just continue doing as you have been, no more and no less. They can't expect you to do more when you obviously need to look for another job. That's on them, not you.

I worked for a company and we were negotiating to get Veterans Day as a paid holiday. The company refused and said that since we were paid by the hour, and not paid during our off time, we could pick any day we like and call it Veterans Day. It didn't need to be one specific day. So we took them at their word and everyone took off work every Friday to celebrate Veterans Day. After the fifth week of this, they decided it would be more cost-effective to limit our holidays to one specific date each year, and gave us Veterans Day as a paid holiday.

How many accounts will you and your coworkers be able to service if you need time off to go find a job, attend interviews, or even just be too sick to work? If they need extra help, maybe they should hire some temps?

One of our biggest fears is the fear of the unknown. Don't let it get to you. Things will work out, they always have and they always will.