A day in the life of Jessica_k

[Jessica_K]

So today I decided I needed to be more proactive and had a surprise.

I decided to call the GIC and just make sure my details were up to date as I never had a response when I updated after moving. It was a bit of a pretext but also reassurance. The pretext was then to ask about the waiting list as I was feeling that I would not be seen in my life time. I got the spiel that I could try other GIC's that may have shorter lists and I finished the call with a thank you and that I really think I will not be seen in my life time and left it at that.

Well about 30 mins I got a call from no caller id. I nearly did not answer as I hate not knowing who was calling. But some inside said to answer. And it was Dr Sahota from the GIC. The same doctor I had privately for my GI diagnosis a few years back. Anyway it seems she was offering to get my GP to do bloods and meds as a GIC request not private so that could be a big win. And she said she would immediately provide a recommendation for surgery if I was assigned her as my case worker. She said that queue jumping is not something the GIC normally does but send a letter to the admin management with a plead of special circumstance that just might mean I could be assigned to her.

She wanted proof of my social transition so I sent a load of documents for her files. And I have sent a letter to the GIC. So fingers crossed you never know.

It will be the end of K and I if it does happen but to be honest I can live as I am with K in the knowledge that I cannot have surgery, but if surgery becomes a reality she will just have to lump it and she could make her own decision what she wants to do.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

[Jessica_K]

Quick update, I had an email from the GIC admin, not dismissing my plea but requesting my name NHS number and DOB.

What it means I do not know. But it's positive so far.

Useful my NHS number has my gender as female, could help.

I cannot sleep as is usual for me but I need to be awake 6am and out by 7am to drive the 89 miles to work. This evening will be a trip to a local observatory with guys and girls from work and a pizza meal. Should be fun apart from the 89 mile journey home.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

[davina61]

With any luck the traffic will be lighter then, just dont fall asleep behind the wheel due to your lack of sleep last night. Take care dear XXX

[Jessica_K]

I did not make it home last night. Fantasy is I spent the night with a toy boy. Reality was I spent it alone at an inn, quality but cheap. I was far too tied to attempt to drive home. I fact I was asleep within minutes of getting to my room.

I had a lovely evening at the observatory. Logically it was very dark going to the telescopes and Nithin held my hand. I really liked that. Before any conclusions are drawn. Nithin is alone in the UK and misses his parents, although he is 32 and has a doctorate in Astro software engineering he is still a child. I have told him I am his surrogate mother and I think he just wanted to look after me in the dark and comfort himself. He was squeezing my hand tight.

After, a number of the group went out to a pub in Hartford, Nithin and I went back to WGC and decided to have some dinner so ended up in Pizza Express sharing a pizza half and half, my side veggie his a Sloppy Giuseppe. It was a lovely time.

I dropped him off at his flat and he was insistent I looked for a room. Made me load the booking app before he went inside. Hence the room at the inn.

More than anything it was that someone not family cared as I care for him. If I was 40 years younger he would make a super boyfriend.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

[Jessica_K]

It's coming up to 7am just taken my levothyroxine, I hate those little pills they just stick to your tongue or part down the throat and it takes a gallon (English) of water to flush down and I have to take 2 of them to make up the dose. Today was good and went down with a single gulp each.

So I am snuggled back under the duvet cuddling my teddy bear, and thinking about yesterday. A frustrating day that in the past would have not felt so much so. But I have moved on.

The good parts of the day was my chats with my friends and granddaughter in law who by the fates is also called Kay. The bad and frustrating part was just being with my Kay. I really did not think this would ever happen but, and it has happened very quickly, I have fallen out of love with her.

She has ground me down to the point that the blinkers are off. It started with me getting home in the morning from my stop out Friday night. She was the first to say I should stay over and when forced to do so by my toy boy lol, I did it. Well in the morning she had a face like a wet afternoon, I could feel the resentment. I get this every time I go out or spend the night away.

I think she so hates me being away as she knows I am Jess. Back to how I feel. I am also resenting having to not be Jess when at home, and the banality of life at home. She does nuffin. Hardly ever wants to go out. Jess is a party girl, I am a party girl. I love to be with others, never stop talking and having fun.

I was chatting to a friend and having a laugh on the sofa, I could not help chuckling out loud, whatever K thought that I do not know, and I mentioned the day and a further story that I will relate in a mo, that jokingly, I have to dump her and if a txt was appropriate and the done thing these days.

The story that started that response was that I wanted to cook a nice dinner and she said she did not want it and wanted a KFC, she knows I cannot eat anything from there but I went out to get her some. Well the KFC is not easy to find as it lays back in a row of houses. I knew approx where it was and I was looking out for it as I drove down at 25mph, could not find it drove on and on thinking I know I have missed it.

So took the roundabout and can back along the road. Nuffin. Stopped at the petrol station to get the satnav out as I was getting desperate, OK it's 150m from the petrol station about where I I thought it was. Drove on to a shop in total darkness and in the dark was impossible to find. It was closed.

I phoned K as I thought OK fish and chips? In my head and I will be driving past on way home. Voice Mail, I tried 9 times and drove home. When I got back she said fish and chips would do so out I went again, Oh and it was raining.

Pretty much a last straw for me, though I did have F&C myself.

So what is the future, well short term, today I am myself again as I go out to a meet up of my HIFI friends, going dress to impress, already decided I am going to wear a lovely red dress. Got some new lippy too. Long term something has to change............

I am so tempted to come home in my dress lol
Hugs
Jessica xxx

[davina61]

Yes my ex just kept nagging about life and wore me down so I came out, was the last straw for her. Like I said ages ago it sound like you have to bite the bullet and move on just for your own well being. Not so easy to do if things are in joint names, who goes where and all.

[ChrissyRyan]

I think I'm getting stronger as I age. Thirty years ago, I needed a cart to carry $100 of groceries to my car. Now I can do it in one hand.

Love always -- Jess

Hahahahaha.

[REM.1126]

I am sorry it has come to this for you.  I can't imagine how many times she hurt you to kill your love for her.  But, that seems to be how love dies, by repeated wounding over a period of time.

[Jessica_K]

I had a really lovely day out, ok I say this myself but I looked stunning in my dress. My cleavage on show. It also has a split up the side. I forgot to take my phone so no pics sorry.

One guy had a streamer setup and was playing my kind of music, dance and I did just that, dancing, and not bad for 71 lol. I am not old, it's just a number and I am making up for lost time.

Ok looking back I have been thinking. Have I been unfair to K, have I been out having fun and she left behind. I would so love she came with me but without acceptance I cannot not ask her and even if she did accept she probably would not come.

I have so moved on from my grey, introverted existence pre transition. Dancing in front of others, laughing, I would never have done that I was awkward socially because I was never a man and hide within myself. Now I love the attention I get, the fun of being a woman, the extrovert self. I did not suffer GD in the classic sense probably by the deep hiding for all that time but it manifested itself in holding me back in life.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[Jessica_K]

Oh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[davina61]

Happy anniversary on the magical stuff, dance floor calls to me as well but it always has given a bit of Motown or northern soul. 

[Jessica_Rose]

Oh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Happy anniversary Jessica!

It's a shame that K doesn't realize how happy her life could be if she would simply embrace the beautiful person you have become. I hope you have a lovely day.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[ChrissyRyan]

Oh and today I am 5 years taking HRT. Yay

5 years of being myself.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

Yay!


Chrissy

[Jessica_K]

My weekend started with a meet up of 15 work friends for go carting.

I thought I was bad at go carting and I was proven correct. I am a very good road driver with an Advanced Drivers certificate. I can drive very fast safely on roads. I often talk of eyes on stalks for observation. I know how to handle my car. I have also driven on tracks. But I just cannot get the hang of go carts. I got hit from behind on the last lap by Phil that shock me a bit too, no hurt, but I was already tired and having difficulty with the heavy steering and was feeling my age. I did not take place in the second race section as I was quite unsteady after getting out of the car. I did not come last that was Emma timing wise, the only person I overtook.

Three of the group were from the new company and two of those came first and second, definite ringers lol. The 12 of us, then went for lunch at the 2 willows bar in WGC, it was booked for 3pm. We got chucked off our table at 7pm and the die hards, about 8 of us stayed on. I left about 10:30pm as I had to check in my hotel. Now that was the best part of the day.

As this is a trans forum, I thought I would relate the female spaces part of the story. These spaces have become heavily politicised in the UK. I went into the female changing rooms with Emma and Maisie, Emma in her role in security is one of the very few that know I an a trans woman, but of course I was just one of the girls. Eat my panties politicians.

Today if anyone is up in time there is a further meet up for breakfast but as I have to get to Bristol it will probably be too late for me.

Home front, k and I went out with our two friends for a Chinese meal Friday evening, it was good but that of course was a non-Jess event. K has continued to be nice and we continue to live together best characterised as friends, worst as housemates.

She never wears the rings I bought her, never the wedding ring. Up to yesterday I took mine off too. Not sure if I will keep it off as to me it's precious and to her I am saying I have not given up even if she has. I know she is putting money aside for the time she can leave and I think it will be when she draws her state pension later in the year.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[davina61]

Went go carting with the lads when I was at work, had to give up or I would have thrown up in my helmet!! All down to my duff balance and vertigo.
 Party on girl, looks like you have fully socially transitioned .

[Jessica_K]

That's me a party girl. Been socially transitioned for years. The guy and gal at work are a fantastic bunch.

Hugs
Xxx

[Gina P]

Sounds like fun. I haven't went go carting in years. Last time I went the threatened to throw me out for going to fast. I thought that was the point.  So sad on the K front. I cant imagine how difficult that must be.
Hugs Gina

[REM.1126]

In my experience, the HP to weight ratio often dictates the winner.  If everyone weighs the same, and the cars are identical (not a real world scenario), the most aggressive driver that can maintain control often wins (unless someone spins them out). 

[Jessica_K]

So, I had a text today from my bank telling me to check the 3 last transactions should there have been fraud. It was kicked off by an unsolicited payment taken from my account in dollars from the US. It had been declined.

Well I confirmed that all three transactions were requested or expected to be taken from my account.

What was the US payment?

My subscription to MLB to stream live baseball for this new season yay.

With the lost years here I guess there are few mentions of how I fell in love with baseball in 1978 after being taken for my first experience by my work hosts during a trip to an eastern state. I have supported that team since then, that's 46 years.

Can you guess the team?

I bet the reader would say Yankees with all there success, the Manchester United of baseball. But no, it was the Red Sox, the team that had not won the World Series in a century. And 26 years of my support until they did it in 2004.

I will be supporting them again this year. I am not following spring training as last year Boston was top of the grapefruit league only to come last in AL East. I will pick it up on opening day.

Let's go Red Sox !!!

Hugs
Xxx

[Jessica_K]

I bought a new bra yesterday, the girls are getting too big to freestyle anymore.

Since I have been taking Progesterone they have definitely filled out more and I am fully filling a 38D.

I aways find it difficult to find a bra that fits and looks and feels right. Maybe it's the places I go, but they all seem to be armour plated, thinking of Brunhilde for some reason, whereas I like no underwire and soft, natural.

I again did not have much choice but found a full support bra. It's very comfortable and works a chocolate covered peanut. But it's not sometime I can wear if I am showing off my wares lol. It will do to go under a lot I of what I wear. If I could send a pic of what I have on today I would but until Tapatalk is available it ain't 'appending.

What it would show is how my shape has developed over the years and perhaps for the first time my shape is as good as my confidence.

Hugs
Jessica xxx