A day in the life of Jessica_k

[davina61]

The 2 "old boys" I worked with when I started work in 1970 (they had both fought in the 2nd WW) had a saying, don't let the b*****ds wear you down. Be a PIA and prod them with a sharp stick.

[Gina P]

Don't give up hope Jessica. There are many alternatives to get letters for surgery. I had my therapist write the 1st one, then through some miracle a friend of a friend said her friend would write one for me for free. She had the credentials and hated the system so she was writing letters. There is also online places like Plume. You must sign up for a month or pay a small fee to get it done. There is also going to a psychiatrist and paying an office visit, not always the cheapest way, but another way. Good luck as you find the key to unlock the gate keepers fence. They want to make sure only the determined get through.
Hugs Gina

[LoriDee]

Jessica,

I know exactly how you are feeling. We each follow a different path, even if it is going in the same direction. I have experienced very similar frustration and depression, feeling stuck and wondering if it will ever happen for me. Try to see how far you have come, not how distant the goal. It is frustrating to realize that others are unwilling or unable to work as fast as we would like them to. It sucks, but it does not mean it won't happen. Go easy on yourself. Be patient. Send friendly reminders that you are still waiting. Hang in there, Sister. You will get there and we will rejoice with you when it happens.

[Sarah B]

Hi Jessica

It's frustrating to hear the delays that the 'government and doctors' impose upon you to get or achieve what you want.  It seems that they are deliberately making it hard. 

It took time to get the government to change its position on granting the paper work for 'trans' people.  It seems they were dragging their heels before hand and now that you can change your documents, they still are dragging their heels.

I tried to get my GRC in 2010 I mentioned in some of my post when  was previously on Susan's and it failed.  I did not care at the time and went on with my life.

When I needed to renew my British passport, not having my GRC came to bite me severely on the backside.  Long story short I had to submit original documents which is embarrassing enough for me and it took just over 4 months to get my new British passport.

Yes getting surgery in America, Britain and even Australia can be expensive.  However, even 2010, there was talk about getting surgery in Thailand and the cost was considerably much less and still is.

So push to get those documents changed and they will allow you to pursue your dreams and give you the peace you deserve.  You are never too old to get what you want.

Lots of Love and Hugs
Sarah B

[Jessica_K]

I have always been a glass half full type of girl.

I am very lucky that I look mega younger than I am. I work with guys and girls under half my age and I feel like and relate like them. Today was my BPSS day and Em and I went into the board meeting room to do it. Em is very nice, very discrete and one of the very few that knows my background. I got through it though I did at the point of her scrutinising my passport feel like bursting into tears. It was interesting as she checked all the many features of the passport and my driving licence to check for fakes. Of course she knew the documents are genuine but had to go through them and she said it gave her practice on all the different versions of passports, having recently been trained in the security role.

She remarked how she could not believe my date of birth against how I look. It's a genes thing, my eldest daughter is the same and although she is 46 she easily passes for late 20's and rocks in a miniskirt. Em and I had a lovely girl chat after, we do not usually have time to chat.

I mentioned the first time I met her, she was on maternity leave and came in to the office with her new baby. It's funny how you remember things like that. Sam is now 5 and still the darling of the office when he comes in.

So why am I mentioning this, well it's was a bad day made good by others and based on the theme of age. My post yesterday was a rant of despair of age over surgery. Sure things will happen in the slow cogs of the NHS maybe two or three more years time but forget my photos (they are real no photoshop of FaceApp) I am 71, and it's that background that is the scene of my despair 74, 75 maybe before they get to me. Then the limited recourses of the NHS, my possible health, etc will surgery be offered? This why I feel this year is probably my last chance.

I "pulled" another 30 yo man today lol. We are both staying in the same hotel tonight and I asked where was he going to eat. He said probably at the hotel. I said I was going to a nice place in Welwyn and would he like to join me as I would be alone. He said yes and we had a lovely meal. I have come a very long way from the person I was before I transitioned I love the way I am now I know I am all woman but there is a piece of jigsaw missing that is so important to me.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

[LoriDee]

One of my discussions with my Endo was my concern that I needed to have my surgery done soon since I am not getting any younger. (I turn 67 this year). She said that age is not a factor when considering SRS. All that matters is your health. If you are generally healthy without underlying conditions (heart problems, etc.) then there is no reason you cannot have the surgery.

My father underwent four 6-hour back surgeries in four years when he was in his mid 80's. Don't fret about time passing you by. Just stay healthy and prepare for the day when it's your turn. You can do this.

Hugs.

[Jessica_K]

It's been a nice week, after my dinner on Tuesday. I had another with my best friend (N) Wednesday. This time my Indian (toy boy lol) friend and I had a pizza from Pizza Express a really good chain that specialises on thin Italian pizzas. I was not expecting to get time with N as he had a chess match that day but as we left work (more later) early and he was being picked up at 7pm we managed to fit it in. Another friend has called me a floozy lol.

As to why work finished early. It was the onboarding all hands meeting in Luton due to the pending demise of the company I work for and the start of working for the new on 1st April. There were stalls where you could get info about different aspects of the new company ways of work. I am all prepared.

So it ended about 3pm and I went to N's flat for a while before heading out for the meal.

I eventually managed to work out how the work benefits system worked as we had to end of this month to select them. They are quite generous, including private heath insurance (no gender care) and life insurance. Plus I selected a good dental package too as I need quite a bit of dental work.

An interesting option is the lifestyle account, any part of my benefit that I put into it can be used as a refund for any lifestyle activity including gender reassignment.

Ok it's not going to fund anything big but I can use it to help playing for my endo or meds. I cannot put much in this year as I put a lot in dental, but next year I can reduce that cover and put in enough to pay for my endo yay.

Home now, trying very hard here to be good and back to male clothes (with BIG boobs, painted nails, and jewellery lol). So today we will try and get to London and hit the art galleries.

Back to work Monday to Thursday and staying at my favourite apartment, the barn.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx 

[Jessica_K]

Success, got to London.

Although there were obstacles in the way we made it to Millbank in London the home of the Tate Britain Art Museum. The obstacle of note was a 40min delay on the A3 due to an accident.

We went to TB for a specific exhibition that we both very much wanted to see, that of John Singer Sargent. A very influential portrait artist of the 19th/20th century that dictated fashion.

It was less of the subject more of the dresses and clothes he dressed them in for the paintings. There were some of the original dresses there too. Some I would have loved to wear.

On the way home we stopped for dinner at a Persian Restaurant where we had a really tasty meal. Then an uneventful drive home. The first trip to London (50 mile drive + tube underground) for 4 years.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[Jessica_K]

Good news and meh news

Starting with the meh news. 1st April we from the old company are absorbed into the new one. 100 of us added to the 3.5k of the company that took us over.

Big company comes big company stupid corporate rules. Such as accommodation. The maximum allowed for a hotel room is fixed but food etc can be claimed for. So a room that's just inside the limit without breakfast, the breakfast can be claimed even though the room with breakfast (total cheaper but over the limit ) is not allowed.

And even more stupid my favourite apartment is £7 over the daily rate so not allowed even though I would be self catering and not charge any additional expenses. But I have that room with no breakfast plus lunch plus dinner all on expenses. Stupid corporate mentality.

The good news I finally have my doctors letter so I can get my passport changed to my name and gender. Yay now to send of the docs.

Hugs
Jessica xxx

Ps do you think there is a case for claiming continuous restaurant food is not healthy?

[Jessica_K]

A pleasant surprise today.

Regular readers know 2 things about me, first, I am stealth and pass when I am away from home, girl mode. Second I have to be boy mode when at home.

Today in the local chippy before going home while in boy mode I had a male fail. Kay had made me have an old man's haircut some time ago and my male fails stopped. Hair must have grown.

Can hardly wait for Monday a bank holiday in the UK and I am meeting up with my toy boy in London. We are going to Tate Britain as he really wants to see the exhibition I saw last week and I really want to be with him lol 0y of me lol

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[Jessica_K]

Just added 2 more Kate Spade bangles to my collection taking the total to 4.

I needed to spend something on me and cannot resist a bargain. 50% off as clearance and another 30% off on promotion yay.

I will post a picture when they arrive.

Hugs
Jessica. Xxx

[Jessica_K]

Today is Saturday, today is Saturday. I am having to repeat this to stop thinking that it's Sunday. I had already got up to watch a politics Sunday show and Duh, it's Saturday

Why do I feel it's so, well easy really. I came home from my travels Thursday, yesterday was a bank holiday so seemed like the first day of the weekend, so logic says today is Sunday lol. 4 days off is super, but blows my mind

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[davina61]

I have to check on the calendar, A just in case I have slept through a whole day B retired so everyday is the same.

[Jessica_K]

Tonight it was a night out at the Chinese with our besties S&S, a lovely meal and company.

During the meal I had a WhatsApp message from my daughter C saying my grandson I had been selected again to represent Sussex in the 8u inter country tennis tournament. Great news

C asked how things were at home and it made me think (I answered that things were good). Things were good, but why?

It's been strange, K has kinda switched from being very cold, not wanting to be with me, angry even to being back to "normal". Having fun together, spending time together. This is amazing we are definitely friends. But we are also apart, not in her eyes married, she does not wear her rings, when I mentioned I was going to London on Monday (she was off to Maidstone) and I was meeting N she was fully OK with it. In the past that would have caused an argument or a sulk and would have spannered the whole weekend.

Then when I mentioned that I had an invite to TJ's birthday party (other grandson) she said "you do not have to get permission from me" then followed with "I guess the invite is only for you" "I do not know what they have against me"

I could have gone a lot further with that "cos you will not let me be myself" "they wanted Jessica not deadname etc but I eased up on that.

None of this phased her, we carried on with our weekend together enjoying our company.

So what has happened, as she realised we are good together but I am who I am and is living with that. Well that's good for me.

It's not all roses, we live together we do things together but I have to be deadname. When we are apart I can be Jessica and it's OK. She will never accept me in her life but I can be me outside of it. No hiding anymore.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[LoriDee]

I don't know, Jessica. It almost sounds like she might be coming around in her own time. Everyone has their own process and timeline. You had a good time together, so chalk that in the "win" column. Be patient and see how it goes. I'm rooting for you.

Hugs!

[Jessica_K]

Well K has surprised me again.

We have had a lovely quiet Easter Sunday listening to classical music and relaxing. We both spent a little time on our phones but commenting on our chats and what's going on.

She had been looking at fashion and sales when she turned to me and showed me a lovely yellow handbag. She often shows me things she finds but this time and here comes the surprise. She adds "here is one for you".

My jaw almost dropped to the floor. This was the first time she had recognised that I was trans and would love to wear a bag like that.

It has definitely made my day.


Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[LoriDee]

That is awesome!

Hugs!

[Jessica_K]

I had a really lovely day out with my friend N.

The plan was to meet up at Pimlico tube station, I was on time but N had missed his train so was going to be late. No probem. I walked to the TATE, spent the time in the members bar having a cup of tea. We chatted on WhatsApp until he went underground. I sent him a picture of me in my lovely summer dress and new necklace joking so you recognise me.

I wanted to use the pic as an avatar, but it would not upload. Never mind. When he arrived we went to see the Sargent exhibition, I had seen it last week, but enjoyed it just as much as last time maybe more as I was with N. I also wanted to see the women in revolt exhibition, not so much art as a history lesson of the women's lib movements of the 70's and 80's. It was hard going, after, I asked N what India was like for his mother and interestingly he said that it was quite progressive in the cities, his mother became an accountant.

Looking at this exhibition, that documented how hard it was for women back then and I had lived through it with the male privilege that they did not have kinda made me think I was a fraud. Not of being a women now but not being a woman then. It was very thought provoking.

A couple of subjects covered is coming back after the hard fought rights seemed to have been won. The big one is abortion. In the US in particular and "coming to a country near me soon"  is the removal of women's right to abortion, to have control of their own bodies and not dictated to by men. Worst still the number of women that agree with it too. I may be a new woman but I do not understand that.

The other is free contraception. In the UK this is still easy to get, but if I am not wrong, although there is still a legal right to contraception is there not a movement to restrict it by the religious right in the US?

What is so obvious was the lack of social media in the day. Pamphlets duplicated and handed out, hand printed and distributed magazines. None of which were that apparent unless you knew, same for Gay rights and the totally unheard of transsexualism (a word of the day)

Where would I have been if I had been born a girl (as much as I had always dreamed of being) brought up in the 60's and 70's. I hope I would still have gone to university and still read physics after all that was where I met my first wife.

I would hope too that I would have been radical. After all I am as radical as I can be today. But the powers that be have the upper hand here with the threat of being held in a male prison if arrested for breach of the peace, a catch all for stopping protest.

Ok enough of the heavy stuff, after the gallery we took the tube back one stop to Victoria and had a super meal at ZIZZI's (Italian) had pizza and a long talk before heading home.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

[ChrissyRyan]

Jessica,


Is a train "tube" station for high speed rail? 


Chrissy

[Jessica_K]

It's the London underground train network Chrissy, like the subway or metro and is a great way to get around London. Its nickname is the tube. It was opened in 1863 using steam trains and is the oldest in the world.