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Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

Started by imallie, January 03, 2024, 08:53:54 PM

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imallie

As mentioned ... a story from the break, and then the bit of bad news.
First, we had a lovely break. My wife and I made a point to try out several new restaurants we'd wanted to try, we had the boy with us from Christmas Eve Eve until the day after Christmas (Boxing Day for some of you folks), although we expected/hoped it would be longer... more on THAT later.

Our final adventure was deciding to go into Boston on Saturday to go to a BBQ spot we'd been wanting to try for a few years - Sweet Cheeks Q. It was as good as advertised. Our plan, figuring the day before NYE would be a nice day to head in, would be to go into the city early, take a nice walk before lunch, eat and head home.

And I had just the place for the walk.

Over the last few months I've become obsessed with the works of art produced by this bakery in Boston - Jonquils. Some consider their cakes the most amazing looking cakes in the country, and honestly, I wouldn't argue.  So my wife agreed. It was about a 40 minute walk to the bakery. We'd get some stuff which we'd use as our NYE/NYD desserts, and walk back for lunch.

Easy peasey, lemon squeezy, as the bard famously wrote.

Well, the day was overcast on our walk there... but it was a lovely walk. And when we arrived, they were not sold out, luckily.

Just so you understand what we're talking about here: a few photos;







So when I say works of art - I'm not kidding.

We spent about $80 on some desserts, and began the walk back... and immediately it began to drizzle. But that was ok, because it ended in a few minutes, as it was replaced by heavy driving rain and wind.

Because my wife is prepared for everything, she not only had umbrellas for us, but also a large reusable shopping bag...which we needed after a few minutes when the bakery bag began to disintegrate.

Of course, the rain, wind, traffic noice, and the hour... now lit my migraine fuse, and I think I was feeling my HRT a bit... so I was getting rather snarky with the "I TOLD you we should have just taken an Uber back."... meanwhile we could feel the two boxes of dessert shifting and bouncing around in the wind and rain on this seemingly endless walk back.

But end, it did. We made it back to the garage where we parked the car. Just a minute or two from the restaurant. We were not really speaking at that point, just a lot of wet grumbling. And my wife then pulled out her keys to open the trunk so we could put the desserts in there, and in so doing, she lost her grip momentarily and one of the boxes slipped out and smashed on the parking garage floor.

We were both silent for about 10 seconds, and then broke out laughing and could not stop for a good five minutes. When we got home, the desserts in the undropped box ended up mostly no worse for wear, while the dropped box ... well they were delicious, if looking nothing like the above photos.

We will 100% return to Jonquil bakery in the future, but it most certainly will be by car...

Love,
Allie





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imallie

As for the bit of bad news...

Our big plan for the break was to finally tell our son. Even though he's only 30-40 minutes away, he works a very busy and hectic job and we don't see him that often. We did not want to tell him on the holiday (or earlier in the month on his birthday), but he was supposedly staying with us all week between Christmas and New Year's, so that was our plan.

The day after Christmas we all three went to an early morning movie followed by an early lunch. When we got home he immediately left to go spend the day with some friends who were back in town... and he didn't get home until after midnight.

The next day, Wednesday, it turns out an issue came up at work he needed to address. He was on the phone all morning, and when he was done we all went to lunch and when we returned he decided he needed to head home so he could be in the office.
He thought he might return later in the week... but never did.

My wife and I have been replaying everything over and over and trying to figure out if we missed some clear shot at doing it, and we didn't.  But that doesn't offer much solace.

Here's the thing. I am not that worried about how he will take it. But of course I'm incredibly anxious about doing it. So I'd really like to get it over with. I thought by now it would be over. The fact that it isn't, is a bit depressing.

But there's also part of me... that is conflicted. I almost feel like I did before I told my wife, if that makes sense. Meaning, the status quo is such a powerful draw.

Life is good right now. HRT has me feeling more "myself" and whole then I can ever remember. My wife and I are probably stronger than ever, especially since my biggest secret no longer is between us.

I like all my docs, my body is slowly changing, my wardrobe is slowly changing...but everything is this new status quo.

And telling the boy will, as did telling my wife, kick things into a new chapter. And while I'm excited and ready, the longer it waits, the more calcified I get in this one.

Not sure if ANY of that makes sense or resonates.

But that's where I am.

Love,
Allie
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imallie

Oh one more addendum on not telling the boy and the holidays...

At his holiday party at work, his member of congress asked him what he was doing for Christmas.
He replied that he was spending "Christmas Eve at my dad's family, Christmas Day at my mom's" (as mentioned... we are a traveling family).

His boss then asked he had had any siblings, and he said it was just the three of us, to which they said "Oh it's so nice that your mom goes with you to your dad's and vice versa."

We just stared at him when he told us this. "You realize they think we're divorced?" I said. "Oh yeah, I guess so," he replied. "Don't you think you should correct that?" I said.. "No, it'll be fine."

He was also asked what he does over the holidays, and did he go skiing. And when he said he didn't and never has, the response was "you grew up in Mass and have never been skiing? Oh well I guess I didn't do it until I was an adult either. It's an expensive sport."

"So they think we're divorced AND poor?" My wife exclaimed?

After we ended up not being able to tell the boy, I mentioned to my wife... imagine when he tells his boss I'm trans. Combined with the other stuff I probably need to be on the lookout for a Go Fund Me account being opened in my name...

Sheesh.🙄😂


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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 07:57:13 PMWe were both silent for about 10 seconds, and then broke out laughing and could not stop for a good five minutes.

I love your partnership.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 05, 2024, 02:27:18 PMI love your partnership.


I mean, there are times when you really have no choice but to laugh! But your kind words are really appreciated. Especially by a poor, divorcee like myself 🙄😂
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Oldandcreaky

#25
I can see you're sad in your photo under your moniker, but you look quite wealthy in a Gilded Age way.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 05, 2024, 09:46:42 PMI can see you're sad in your photo under your moniker, but you look great wealthy in a Gilded Age way.

 ;D Good 'ol Nellie Melba... it's hard to let that photo go. But really I should start fresh with a new image for 2024. And other than being monumentally lazy, I probably would have already.
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REM.1126

I love the skits of Monty Python.  I don't find the cartoons funny.  (Not as a general rule).
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imallie

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 05, 2024, 10:38:33 PMI love the skits of Monty Python.  I don't find the cartoons funny.  (Not as a general rule).

Yeah, I am with you on that Rachel. I never really thought much of the little animated interludes.

Even doing a complete rewatch of the whole catalog last year (thank you, Netflix!) for the first time in ages, it just served to remind me how the animation didn't really do anything for me.
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davina61

Just as long as you dont start cooking rat soufflé !!
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 05, 2024, 09:50:09 PM;D Good 'ol Nellie Melba... it's hard to let that photo go. But really I should start fresh with a new image for 2024. And other than being monumentally lazy, I probably would have already.

Wait, what, that's not you? Dang. I was looking forward to petting your fuzzy, humpy, bumpy shoulders one day.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 06, 2024, 07:19:17 AMWait, what, that's not you? Dang. I was looking forward to petting your fuzzy, humpy, bumpy shoulders one day.

Well, if it helps, I do kind of slump, so I don't doubt that some sort of hump may yet be in my future. Dream big, I always say.
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 07:49:49 AMWell, if it helps, I do kind of slump, so I don't doubt that some sort of hump may yet be in my future. Dream big, I always say.

Do limit the slumping, please. If you're going to go Quasimodo, at least limit it to quasi-Quasimodo.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 06, 2024, 10:01:46 AMDo limit the slumping, please. If you're going to go Quasimodo, at least limit it to quasi-Quasimodo.

Pardon me, but we call it a Semimodo, thank you very much.
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 12:22:46 PMPardon me, but we call it a Semimodo, thank you very much.

I like the sound of that. Starting right now, I'm going to hunch. A little.
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TXSara

Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 08:10:48 PMLife is good right now. HRT has me feeling more "myself" and whole then I can ever remember. My wife and I are probably stronger than ever, especially since my biggest secret no longer is between us.

I like all my docs, my body is slowly changing, my wardrobe is slowly changing...but everything is this new status quo.

I actually think this is pretty GOOD news, Allie.  I'm really happy for you, even if you just want to bask in it for a while before starting the next chapter.

~Sara
My Latest Blog Thread:  Sara's Wild Ride (Part II)

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imallie

Quote from: TXSara on January 06, 2024, 02:40:43 PMI actually think this is pretty GOOD news, Allie.  I'm really happy for you, even if you just want to bask in it for a while before starting the next chapter.

~Sara

No argument here, Sara. That's (per usual) a really spot-on take. In fact, it's all very similar to what my therapist said when I first broached it with her last time we spoke (early November I think? That's where I miss the old blog - 😂)

I'm 100% NOT trying to rush things, and living in this happy place a while is kind of well earned... all that is good, I just mentioned to her my fear of losing my nerve. Of getting TOO entrenched, TOO comfortable... going back to that oh so familiar "I have so much to lose" for the possibility of a brighter tomorrow mind game we play before we realize we have no choice but to be honest with ourselves.

But she made a great point that of which I need to keep reminding myself. Like you said, it's fine to bask in this... and even though I'm not technically taking big leaps right now (even though I assume I will be bumping HRT levels up this week!), she said the psychology of knowing that I COULD at anytime, by my choice, is a lot different than that "trapped" feeling we all had in the beginning. So that's partially why this feels comfortable. Because it IS progress, just on my timetable.

And I know that, objectively. It's just sometimes... I can be monumentally pig-headed. And we made a plan to tell the boy over the holidays...and it's been 16 months since my wife has known, and nine months since hormones... and I just feel like it SHOULD have happened by now.

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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 09:14:49 PMand it's been 16 months since my wife has known, and nine months since hormones... and I just feel like it SHOULD have happened by now.

It has happened. A lot of your body hair is gone forever. At this point, some of the changes to your skin and body are forever. Your relationship with your wife is forever changed. Your psyche is now forever changed.

I once told Emma that she'd reach a point where strangers would see her as female, regardless of what she wearing, due to estrogen-triggered changes. She hasn't reported this happening yet, but it happened to me. When I transitioned, I was locked into a work contract and so I wore suits and ties everyday to delay people perceiving me as female and it worked with people who'd known me, but it didn't work with people who were seeing me for the first time. I would say that this will happen to you too, but now I don't know. It might have happened with me because I was younger when I transitioned.
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imallie

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 07, 2024, 08:47:51 AMIt has happened. A lot of your body hair is gone forever. At this point, some of the changes to your skin and body are forever. Your relationship with your wife is forever changed. Your psyche is now forever changed.

I once told Emma that she'd reach a point where strangers would see her as female, regardless of what she wearing, due to estrogen-triggered changes. She hasn't reported this happening yet, but it happened to me. When I transitioned, I was locked into a work contract and so I wore suits and ties everyday to delay people perceiving me as female and it worked with people who'd known me, but it didn't work with people who were seeing me for the first time. I would say that this will happen to you too, but now I don't know. It might have happened with me because I was younger when I transitioned.

Understand and agree. Can't wait for that first "ma'am"ing 😉. But what I meant specifically was telling the boy. That's what I feel should have happened by now. But only because I had this artifical timetable in my head. Plus, those who do know - therapist, Endo, electrologist will (with good intent) ask "have you told your son yet?" And instead of taking it as them being interested in me, I think I take it sometimes as them questioning why I haven't done it yet.
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Oldandcreaky

Quote from: imallie on January 07, 2024, 11:14:40 AMUnderstand and agree. Can't wait for that first "ma'am"ing 😉. But what I meant specifically was telling the boy. That's what I feel should have happened by now. But only because I had this artifical timetable in my head. Plus, those who do know - therapist, Endo, electrologist will (with good intent) ask "have you told your son yet?" And instead of taking it as them being interested in me, I think I take it sometimes as them questioning why I haven't done it yet.

I'm just like them. I too want to know...that's it's okay, that he's okay with you because you love him so. We're just anxious because we care about you, about all of you.
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