Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[imallie]

I have pulled my share of all nighters at work, but migraines shut me down.  I can't work through one of those.  Thankfully, I haven't had one in a long time. 

Visually, a jagged prismatic (rainbow effect) line separating blurry vision outside the prism from total darkness inside it, accompanied by a splitting headache and nausea.  Once I went completely blind in one eye for about an hour.

I can't practice law like that.  It wouldn't be in the client's best interest.

"Can't" is a tricky word, Rachel. I would have 100% agreed with you... but it's a funny thing how real life and responsibility just makes those lines shift and you do things you didn't think you could do. Plus, once I started having them daily... my tolerance for pain went through the roof.

But it was extraordinarily stupid. The worst part is, especially after working events at night (you know, bright lights, loud crowds, bands... all great migraine things) I have no idea how I drove myself home each time. But I did that for nearly two years until I literally felt like it was killing me.

My point is though, you are right - you shouldn't. But I bet if push came to shove and you felt you had to... which is what I felt every day... as if I'd be letting so many people down if I didn't... you could do it.

If not you're WAY stronger than I am. That need to please others / serve as a peacemaker in crisis is just a siren song for me.

I hope to heck you never face that situation (and I hope too your migraines stay away! One thing I don't deal with is aura - my wife, who gets like 1-2 a year, gets those. Mine just slam my left eye close and overload my senses).

Speaking of which... 7 minutes to cluster time. Or (hopefully) not. Won't know until 2:07, but I need to be in position either way. 'Night all.

[Oldandcreaky]

Good morning, Miss Allie. How'd your evening go?

[imallie]

Good morning, Miss Allie. How'd your evening go?

Hey O&C -

It was uh... it was what it was, I suppose. Honestly it was a longer than usual cluster (no cluster is any worse than another — you literally cannot get more intense than that) so the only variation is duration. At best 30 min, at worst 90 min. Last night was about 75.

But I'd had cluster-free days in four of the previous six days, and I clean the slate when I get up each morning... so.. another day, another opportunity!

Plus we had a great Pho lunch, and we're going out to a wonderful sushi dinner... so today is shaping up to be a good and delicious Saturday. 😉

Here's hoping your day is filled with joy as well!

Love,
Allie

[Oldandcreaky]

Thanks, Miss Allie. You endure so much pain, but humans can acclimate to most anything.

I spent a week with an Auschwitz survivor once and she Shrugged and said, "It was my life. After a few months, it was all I knew."

And following a botched surgery, I vomited every morning for a year. I also shrugged after the first week or two. It was embarrassing when my spouse pitied me.

Anyway, I'm heartened to hear about your cluster-free days and about the Pho and sushi too. YUM!

[ChrissyRyan]

I remember going to get my first 30 day supply of E.
I was a bit nervous going to the pharmacy pickup window.
One thing I was asked was if I wanted to talk with the pharmacist. I said no.
Then my meds were processed, I paid for it, and I drove home.

To say I was happy is a HUGE understatement.  I was elated. 
When I got home, I drank some cold water.  Then I put that first pill under my tongue  and let the tablet melt.  After a while I took another few sips.

The next day I was elated too as I took my second pill.  That happiness repeated itself day after day.  I did get the prescription changed to 90 days but I still look forward to receiving my text message saying that my refill is available.

Chrissy

[imallie]

Thanks, Miss Allie. You endure so much pain, but humans can acclimate to most anything.

I spent a week with an Auschwitz survivor once and she Shrugged and said, "It was my life. After a few months, it was all I knew."

And following a botched surgery, I vomited every morning for a year. I also shrugged after the first week or two. It was embarrassing when my spouse pitied me.

Anyway, I'm heartened to hear about your cluster-free days and about the Pho and sushi too. YUM!

That sounds awful, sorry you had to endure that. And that is NOT pity, by the way. Just empathy. 😉

But yes, I hear you.

Believe me, I was not always this Zen/evolved in my thinking.

The first 4-5 months when this seemed it had turned into something chronic, rather than just some 10-14 week episodic hellscape I had to endure every few years... I spent most/all of my energy on "why me?" I would go down Google search rabbit holes on experimental drugs and treatments, as well as causes... and basically was just throwing a daily pity party.

So that sucked up all the oxygen from the part of each day when I actually felt ok. So it just made the whole thing spiral and even worse. And, I mean, I can be stupid but I'm not DUMB, you know? After a while I realized the foolishness of that, and just decided to suck all the marrow out of the time each day when I felt good, and just deal with the pain when it came.

It was like I flicked a switch and that was that.

And I really bristle when people want to talk about my health — in a certain way. "How are you?" "Any update/progress?" - that stuff is all good and much appreciated. But when people look at you like you ARE your condition... I can't cotton to that.  So I always try to downplay everything.

The only reason I made the decision to share about it here so much? Something my first therapist (the one I was supposed to see about pain management) said to me — She told me that I was a walking advertisement for how to deal with chronic pain. And that people dealing with it always have hope in short supply. So I figure for any here go though anything remotely similar, it can't hurt to model a path forward that is livable.

[imallie]

I remember going to get my first 30 day supply of E.
I was a bit nervous going to the pharmacy pickup window.
One thing I was asked was if I wanted to talk with the pharmacist. I said no.
Then my meds were processed, I paid for it, and I drove home.

To say I was happy is a HUGE understatement.  I was elated. 
When I got home, I drank some cold water.  Then I put that first pill under my tongue  and let the tablet melt.  After a while I took another few sips.

The next day I was elated too as I took my second pill.  That happiness repeated itself day after day.  I did get the prescription changed to 90 days but I still look forward to receiving my text message saying that my refill is available.

Chrissy

That's lovely Chrissy.  I never felt the "pink cloud" or anything like that. Not sure if it was the microdosing or just how I am wired.

But I will say the moment I put my first patch on, there was no hesitation or doubt and it immediately felt "right" - like this was what I was supposed to be doing all along.

And I have never felt more like myself in my whole life, one year in.  So I know it's doing what it's supposed to do, and that my brain was craving it.

[ChrissyRyan]

That's lovely Chrissy.  I never felt the "pink cloud" or anything like that. Not sure if it was the microdosing or just how I am wired.

But I will say the moment I put my first patch on, there was no hesitation or doubt and it immediately felt "right" - like this was what I was supposed to be doing all along.

And I have never felt more like myself in my whole life, one year in.  So I know it's doing what it's supposed to do, and that my brain was craving it.

After a while it becomes more or less routine, but I do appreciate what it has done and what it does to contribute to my well being.  I was practically off of it for a time last year for personal reasons (the reason was NOT to stop transitioning) but I resumed.

Chrissy

[davina61]

At the risk of getting a slap how you doin? Not on the same scale as you but my bad back makes it hard to stand upright some mornings and slows me down, but its just one of those "things" so I put up with it and crack on as best I can. No pink cloud for me either just the feeling right, not a girly girl as I still do the things I love but now with a bit of flare!

[imallie]

At the risk of getting a slap how you doin? Not on the same scale as you but my bad back makes it hard to stand upright some mornings and slows me down, but its just one of those "things" so I put up with it and crack on as best I can. No pink cloud for me either just the feeling right, not a girly girl as I still do the things I love but now with a bit of flare!

Ugh - I have such sympathy for back pain Davina. I mean, that's the thing - no matter what, I'm fully mobile. But back pain is completely debilitating. And I know from people who deal with it chronically (like it sounds like you do), darn frustrating.

But like you said... when we have challenges we "crack on".

So how am I doing? I am cracking on, my friend. Hope you are as well. 😘

[davina61]

Backs okay now after a good rest watching the F1 race, well good enough so I dont notice it. Just cooked a mixed veg curry finished with some coconut milk and about to make a beef curry to go with it, thats a meat and tomato curry. Chapatis to go with it as well, now they are so easy, splash of oil, salt and water to make a slightly sticky dough. Make a 6ins thin circle and cook in a very hot dry pan, mix 50/50 whole meal and plain flour as I doubt you can get the right flour. Bit like a wrap I suppose. 

[imallie]

Backs okay now after a good rest watching the F1 race, well good enough so I dont notice it. Just cooked a mixed veg curry finished with some coconut milk and about to make a beef curry to go with it, thats a meat and tomato curry. Chapatis to go with it as well, now they are so easy, splash of oil, salt and water to make a slightly sticky dough. Make a 6ins thin circle and cook in a very hot dry pan, mix 50/50 whole meal and plain flour as I doubt you can get the right flour. Bit like a wrap I suppose. 

Sounds warming and delicious!

When we get back from lunch I'm going to make some turkey chili - which, with my wife going away for a few days early in the week, will be one of my meals each day in addition to our dinner tonight.

Those chapatis sound nice too! I googled them and they look tasty! I think I'm just going to do a spaghetti squash and serve the chili over that. Boring I know, but I like the texture and squeezing another veg in there. 😉

[Oldandcreaky]

Turkey chili? Please fill a standard white envelope with it, plaster the envelope with stamps since chili is heavy, and mail it to:

The Village Idiot
The Village

[imallie]

Turkey chili? Please fill a standard white envelope with it, plaster the envelope with stamps since chili is heavy, and mail it to:

The Village Idiot
The Village

😂

It's sooo easy!! I came up with this recipe a few years ago and we've made it several times. It's totally a put everything in the slow cooker and let it do its thing kinda recipe! If you want it let me know and I'm happy to PM it to you.

[LoriDee]

I do something similar with Bison. I prefer bison over beef. I love chili in the slow cooker.
Last night I had a Cornish hen I had in the slow cooker for about six hours. Yum!

[imallie]

Almost done...

[LoriDee]

That looks SO GOOD!

[Oldandcreaky]

Yes, please, to your recipe.

[imallie]

Yes, please, to your recipe.

Sending PM....

aaaannnnd... sent!

[Oldandcreaky]

It has cocoa powder and vinegar in it, two ingredients I don't use and am looking forward to trying.