Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[Oldandcreaky]

I look forward to your reaction. You had a front row seat to a wounded healer.

we spent the rest of the sessions on her...Ironically, she left to become the head of a department in another hospital.

That is ironic, being promoted after failing to deliver, at least to you.

[imallie]

I look forward to your reaction. You had a front row seat to a wounded healer.

That is ironic, being promoted after failing to deliver, at least to you.

A few reactions - first, couldn't find the article, but I think still accomplished the task. The reason I couldn't find it is that the "wounded healer" is a Jungian construct, which he first wrote about in the late 60's and is now a therapy archetype.

 So there's lots of interesting pieces on it, and certainly is a fascinating way to frame the way professionals work. However it also is germane to the motivation in all of us to help others through the lessons of our mistakes but also to self-heal through that very act of sharing/helping.

As for my original therapist? I would never call her a failure. In fact I give her credit in my personal narrative - maybe simply from right place/ right time, but regardless. I did not need help with pain management - her specialty. But our talks and her attempts at weight loss motivated mine — and having someone that first six weeks holding me accountable as I put my plan together, was crucial. Whether intentional or not.

(That being said? Lovely person. Department head - yeeesh. Peter principle in all its glory. But lovely, lovely person 😘)

[TXSara]

(That being said? Lovely person. Department head - yeeesh. Peter principle in all its glory. But lovely, lovely person)

Too funny.  I resemble that remark LOL!  The difference for ME, though, is that when people ask me to take a new job, I ask, "Does this put my name in a box on the org chart?"  If "yes", the answer is "NO".  I know my limits and what I'm absolutely horrid at!

~Sara

[Oldandcreaky]

A few reactions - first, couldn't find the article, but I think still accomplished the task. The reason I couldn't find it is that the "wounded healer" is a Jungian construct, which he first wrote about in the late 60's and is now a therapy archetype.

 So there's lots of interesting pieces on it, and certainly is a fascinating way to frame the way professionals work. However it also is germane to the motivation in all of us to help others through the lessons of our mistakes but also to self-heal through that very act of sharing/helping.

You sure wrangle words, cowgirl.

[imallie]

You sure wrangle words, cowgirl.

I'm trying hard to quit. I'm down to one trochaic tetrameter a day.

[Oldandcreaky]

trochaic tetrameter

You made me google ^this,^ girl. Two questions:

1. Where did you learn what a trochaic tetrameter is?

2. Considering you likely never used this term since you learned its meaning, how did you remember it through the decades?

[imallie]

You made me google ^this,^ girl. Two questions:

1. Where did you learn what a trochaic tetrameter is?

2. Considering you likely never used this term since you learned its meaning, how did you remember it through the decades?

Almost certainly in studying Shakespeare. I think that's where I was first introduced to the various meters, and characters speaking in meters (not just in sonnets) and trochees being a BAboo BAboo thing ... (hard followed by a soft) just sticks with you.

The Witches in Macbeth all speak in trochiac tetrameter (which is five of that hard followed by soft in a row)...

But mostly I remember things like that because they're fun to say. Words with "K" sounds are inherently funnier. The word "sheetcake" for example.

And my mind retains bizarre things. I wish I could control the things it keeps and doesn't but it doesn't work that way.

My wife will say "remember ..." about some place we went, a person we met... or something, and I'll have no memory of it.  But yet, there's a spot in my brain for trochaic tetrameter.  Go figure.

Love,
Allie

[davina61]

As bad as mine dear, can remember loads of trivia but faces and names----------

[Jenn104]

...  But yet, there's a spot in my brain for trochaic tetrameter.  Go figure.

Didja know my beloved Grateful Dead sing a song constructed whose lyrics are structured in trochaic rhythms? 'Ramble on Rose' whose lyrics meaning are the subject of debate.'

Just saying. more than one of us has trochaic memory.

~Jenn

[imallie]

Long, fun day down at the beach in RI. Drove to the beach for a morning walk. Got out of the car, said "Absolutely not" (but with many, many profanities) at the 25 degree, 15 mph winds weather and got right back in the car. But then had a great morning with my wife's brother and sister-in-law at their place right near the beach.

Went into Newport for lunch to try this taco place we've really wanted to try for a while... got there and there was a 90-minute wait... got right back in the car and left. Went back and had pizza at this incredible place that actually made the list of one of the top 10 pizza spots in the US this year. And its Neapolitan pizza is deserving.

But here's the highlight (intentionally burying the lede, here)

Went to dinner at one of our favorite seafood spots down here. Ridiculously packed on a Sunday in February (the so-called "off season"). But on our way out, as we were making our way to the parking valet stand to get our car, one of the valets came running up from behind us and said "Can I help you ladies?"

He took the ticket from my wife and ran off into the night to get our car. When we got in the car, my wife (driving) immediately noticed that for some reason, he had lowered her window - it was like 20 degrees out at this point. So the car was ridiculously freezing.

"Is he insane?" She said.

After a beat, as we drove away, I said "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes," she said.

"It was dark, and from behind. And I REALLY wish he wasn't such a dumb a**, with the window and all." I said. "But, you know. It still counts."

"It still counts, she said.

So ... that was my first time. Sort of. But I'm counting it.

[davina61]

Get used to it dear, once they start it comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill . (was that wordy enough for you!!)

[imallie]

Get used to it dear, once they start it comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill . (was that wordy enough for you!!)

No notes 👍😘

[TXSara]

After a beat, as we drove away, I said "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes," she said.

"It was dark, and from behind. And I REALLY wish he wasn't such a dumb a**, with the window and all." I said. "But, you know. It still counts."

"It still counts, she said.

So ... that was my first time. Sort of. But I'm counting it.

Yes, it DEFINITELY counts!  That's wonderful!

~Sara

[Oldandcreaky]

I wonder if you're moving differently, Allie. Or if you're moving differently in relationship to your wife, i.e. woman with woman rather than man with woman. Or has estrogen shifted some cells? Likely all of the above.

I think I've shared that I wear a man's winter coat. It looks like something a lumberjack or construction worker would wear, being made of super durable fabric. And I have a matching hat too. I love them because they absolutely stop the wind.

Where's the pizza pic, Allie???!!!???

Cute turn of words, Davina: "...comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill."

[imallie]

I wonder if you're moving differently, Allie. Or if you're moving differently in relationship to your wife, i.e. woman with woman rather than man with woman. Or has estrogen shifted some cells? Likely all of the above.

I think I've shared that I wear a man's winter coat. It looks like something a lumberjack or construction worker would wear, being made of super durable fabric. And I have a matching hat too. I love them because they absolutely stop the wind.

Where's the pizza pic, Allie???!!!???

Cute turn of words, Davina: "...comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill."

He REALLY was a dumb a*ss... so ... 🤔

But in all seriousness, we weren't holding hands (which we often do) since we had gloves on and it was freezing out. And I did have on women's pants, but not sure you could see that in the dark. I think it was mostly my long hair (in the back). Still down to the wood up top.  Nothing to be done about that, naturally anyway.

As for pizza?

Pasquale's pizza in South Kingstown RI.

https://pasqualespizzeriari.com/#

 That's the spot. They literally are printing money too. Can't imagine trying to get in there in the summer. Wow. But the magic of the Neopolitan pizza is it cooks in like 4 minutes. So they can get things to you lightening quick.

 

[Oldandcreaky]

That pizza parlor sure has a visually tasty website. Makes me want to go, go, go.

Well, I'm headed out to walk in the wind. You know New England's springs: It blows and blows.

[imallie]

So, you wouldn't think a  "Check Engine" light could suddenly initiate head-spinning chaos... and yet...

Our son texted mid-day today saying that, while coming out of a meeting said light in his car came on. He wondered if he should head home and try to bring it in to get looked at. We told him to call first, and the shop said they couldn't fit him in, but they could on Thursday morning.

So he texted later, and said he's now planning on coming home tomorrow night, sleeping here, and then dropping the car off on Thursday morning and working remote from our house while any work is done.

So when my wife got home, I said... "isn't this a gift? Don't we need to tell him tomorrow night instead of waiting until after my birthday dinner on Saturday?"

We went through it, and it seems like a no-brainer:

WED. Telling him tomorrow, he'll then be here all night and on Thursday... so he'll have time to process it while here, if he wants to talk or ask any question. Plus, we'll see him again on Saturday.
SAT. Telling him Saturday, after dinner... afterwards he'd basically just be heading home on his own, which might be awkward. And we wouldn't be seeing him again probably until Easter.

WED. Telling him Wed means gets it over with 24 hours from now.
SAT. Telling him AFTER we go out to dinner for my birthday, means there's like a 50% chance that the sushi dinner I will be eating will NOT sit well with me, due to nerves.

The only real downside is it gives me no time to really prepare what to to say.... But honestly I am sure I was going to wing it anyway. I had written a whole letter to my wife (something she was unaware of until TONIGHT actually), but I probably ended up using like 10% of it in the moment.

The other thing is, he's no dummy. I don't think he's ever seen me on a Wednesday evening. Wednesday is my electrolysis day. I really think by the time I've driven home, my face looks a lot better from the session... but it's still kind of rosy that evening. He would certainly notice.  So it's kind of good that he might notice. That might actually spur the discussion.

Anyway... it's still possible that he ends up coming home late tomorrow night (after my wife has gone to bed). If that's the case, and he's then gone on Thursday before she gets back... then the plan will revert to Saturday. We both agree it's best if I tell him when it's the three of us together.

Stay tuned...

[Jenn104]

Hey Allie,

No matter when you tell him and what spurs the discussion, you have a lot of people cheering for you. I hope it goes well. I don't believe I am alone feeling that either. This is a big moment in your journey. A lot of people here are behind you.

I hope in the end one of my support group sayings applies --"Mae's Law: it is always worse in your head."

sending good thoughts,

Jenn

[Oldandcreaky]

I'm glad you're telling him sooner than the original plan. Speaking generally, some people can feel left behind if the process is underway and THEN they're told.

As I shared earlier, I share your anxiety, but not because I have a sense that he might react badly (I don't know him, therefore I have no sense of how he'll react beyond this: His youth and his rearing are on his side and yours.) I share your anxiety because it's a horribly hard thing to do and the unknown doubles the difficulty. So, get it done and be done with it. 

You've been in locker rooms. You had a boyhood. You know that the quickest way to mock another male is to compare them to a female. We all were raised to disdain the feminine. I was scarred by that and whereas I can't speak for anyone else at Susan's, I assume others were too.

On the other hand, if he's being paying attention, you've been spraying clues like one of those t-shirt guns. Your baking and craftiness (Remember the cute fonts you created for that one batch of yummies?) are obvious ones, but your attention to others is even more telling. Look at this past Valentine's Day. You baked for your wife and you baked for you electrologist too and come Christmas, you'll become a Gatling t-shirt gun of giving, with all the gifts gussied.

[imallie]

First of all, thank you Jenn & O&C - can't tell you how much it means to me to know a couple of folks here have my back. I really mean that! ❤️

But secondly... it didn't happen. 🤮

Despite a day full of stress (my electrologist had to keep taking breaks to allow me to sigh... 🙄😂)... it was at least good that my wife and I had an excellent discussion about the whole thing over dinner as we awaited for our son to arrive...

And as I type this at 8:40 pm he just texted "eta 9:20 - love you"

He got caught up at work, and then as we sat waiting... we assumed he would text when he was on his way, but thought maybe he hadn't so mentally we didn't shut it down until probably 8 pm... and then about 2 minutes after that he texted to say he was delayed and so my wife started her process of getting ready for bed.

She goes to work at around 6:00 am, gets up at 5:00 am... so she tends to go into bed around 9 and reads a bit... so there's just no way to have started something like this once it got to 8 pm, really.

So we're back on for the Saturday plan. Meaning, today was just an stress-filled dry run. And Saturday will be a birthday dinner to remember, I guess. Although I don't imagine I'm going to enjoy the meal much.  At least my actual birthday (Friday) when my wife and I go out, I'll be able to enjoy that.

Nice thing is, when the boy gets home in a bit he and will, I'm sure, stay up talking for a while like we normally do. For the last time before the world shifts.

Love, and mentally frayed
Allie