Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[davina61]

Like my friend says (and I agree) trust in the universe as thing fall into place at the correct time, BTW we all knew your boy would be fine just look at his parents.

[Jenn104]

BTW we all knew your boy would be fine just look at his parents.

^^^^^^^ yeah, that.


Hey Allie-- exhale along with everyone else here. This is a validation of you as a woman. More importantly, it is a validation of you and Mrs. Allie's parenting.

on to the next leap.

~Jenn

[imallie]

Thanks Heidimarie, Davina and Jenn - much appreciated.

And Jenn... yes, onto the next step! But, um... maybe in a week or two? This girl needs to sit down for a spell. 😘

[Jenn104]

Thanks Heidimarie, Davina and Jenn - much appreciated.

And Jenn... yes, onto the next step! But, um... maybe in a week or two? This girl needs to sit down for a spell. 😘

You do you, at your own pace.

Besides... my intuition thinks your son is going to have a few weeks worth of questions. Big Hint-- you might make a mental note to check in and explicitly ask him a few times in the next couple of weeks.

~Jenn

[Oldandcreaky]

This girl needs to sit down for a spell. 😘

Ha! Well-deserved.

[Brooke Renee]

Good Morning Allie!!

I am so happy to hear that "the" talk went well.  Even though every rational metric pointed toward success, those facts sadly provide scant defense against the anxiety of the moment.  But here you are, life is good, the day is bright, and love reigns at Allie Manor. 

Big Hugs Girl, you have an amazing family! 


Brooke 

[Gina P]

Finally... Glad it went well🥰 We were all counting on you. The things we worry about the most usually never happen. Sounds like a twofer. Woman's restroom and coming out all in the same day. Wow. Congratulations
Hugs Gina

[EllenW]

Allie

So happy it went so well for you.     

Ellen

[imallie]

Finally... Glad it went well🥰 We were all counting on you. The things we worry about the most usually never happen. Sounds like a twofer. Woman's restroom and coming out all in the same day. Wow. Congratulations
Hugs Gina

Thanks Brooke, Gina and Ellen!

And Gina... as for the bathroom thing? It's still a hazy mystery. I mean... it sort of counts?

Like, if I were to be hooked up to a polygraph today and asked "Since beginning your transition, have you ever used a women's restroom?" I would be forced to answer in the affirmative.

But then again, those things are notoriously janky, and I think I could beat it. 😘

My wife and I were lying in bed this morning and we had a conversation NOT about telling the boy, but "what happened with that bathroom thing?"... so like I said, it did happen. But... it was more commotion than confirmation.

BTW we were texting with the boy this afternoon about getting him a new set of tires, and some health care round table he was setting up for his boss... so... same ol, same ol. 👍😁
 

[REM.1126]

You male failed.  LOL, Congratulations.  I fondly remember that happening to me a lot in my teens.  Those were the days. I really could have been a cute girl if my endocrinologist had given me E instead of T.

I am starting to think you aren't going to shock too many people when you get around to coming out to them. 

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie

It's nice to hear how you are going.

Sounds like such a wonderful, life you've carved out.  ❤️

When we were at dinner, I got a few texts from some friends I hadn't heard from in ages... it was really nice.

I wonder what they want?

And so it spurred me to tell my wife what I was thinking. About how, it's nice that all these people are reaching out this year... but it'll be interesting to see who does and who does not next year.

You will find out sooner or later, who your true friends are.

She paused... looked at me, and said simply:

"->-bleeped-<- 'em"

Love her to death.

I got to love her response, never a truer word spoken and that tells me a lot about her.

Love and Hugs to both of you
Sarah B
PS I have not read that post yet.  I going back to read it!

[imallie]

You male failed.  LOL, Congratulations.  I fondly remember that happening to me a lot in my teens.  Those were the days. I really could have been a cute girl if my endocrinologist had given me E instead of T.

I am starting to think you aren't going to shock too many people when you get around to coming out to them. 

Maaaaaaaybe, Rachel. Maybe. 🤔

With my long hair (in the back) and pink frames... I definitely send some signals, but the mostly balding crown really cancels those out. Plus most people see what they want/expect to see.

For example, last night was the first time our son saw my glasses. So, after we told him and during our conversation I asked about them. He said he definitely noticed them... but thought they were more purple/brownish.  I think more proof that people make facts fit their narrative.

So I do think, after we tell people, they will look back and rewrite past events into a narrative of "I should have known" 😂

Even so... we can't help think there may have indeed been "male fail" in the bathroom event. We still aren't sure. We can't wait to go back so we can investigate further.  Plus we love the sushi. Mostly, we love the sushi, actually. Going back just to check out the bathroom situation would be really sad. 🙄

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie

Of course I went back and I read your story in total awe of what happened

Well... THAT happened. 

For those who are tired of my incessant ramblings ... I'll just say: "success"
For those who prefer their information even more condensed: 

For those willing to tolerate my typical, well, "me-ness"... strap in...

Dinner was great. As mentioned earlier, even before he arrived I said to my wife I felt like there was something to this idea that Thursday's dry run had literally sucked the nervousness and stress from the marrow of my bones. There was nothing left.

I expected it to return during dinner, but thankfully, it did not.

It's good to hear that you were free of the nervousness and stress, I will never know that type of situation as my uncle revealed what I was doing to my mum.  Fear as others have said, is what stops us in our tracks and it all comes to nothing in the end.

At one point during dinner, however, the boy mentioned that his plans later this evening were to visit with some local high school friends and then do his food shopping on the way home. I didn't really bump on that, other that I felt a twinge of guilt if our discussion was going to blow up his plans. At least it wasn't some big scheduled thing.

Still, when we got back to the house and my wife and I started to walk inside, he made a "tsk" sound and followed that with a long "oooookayyyyy...."

I immediately realized his plans were to head DIRECTLY TO his friends' place now, without coming inside. This was the aborted Christmas week plans, Thursday's late arrival, and all other "failures to launch" over the last 4-5 months all over again.

And I think, were I nervous, I would have welcomed the reprieve from the Governor. But instead I said "No, come in for a few minutes for dessert. Even if you're too full to eat it. Mom got stuff, so come in."

Yes you are right, your incessant ramblings, but that is what makes the story.  Even I start of with a couple of lines and it ends in a wall of text.  I want to hear the rest of the story, lock stock and barrel.  As you have described over several pages and posts, your detailed, exquisite plans came to naught, zero, not a brass razoo.  In other words, "The best laid schemes of mice and men", totally failed.  The irony is not lost on me

So in he came. My wife shot me a look which said "Nicely done" or "I would have bet a million dollars you were not going to do that". I prefer think it was the former.

Tag team operation beginning

Once in, we all sat on the couch, with no pretense of dessert... and I began. All I had scripted in my head was the first line. I thought "I need to TELL you something..." seemed too parental and scolding, and also a bit foreboding. So, instead I went with "I want to SHARE something with you..."  It brings him in.... instantly makes him PART of the whole thing.

I was really proud of that. My wife thought it was really good too. Not as good as I did, but, good nonetheless.

Yeah, it was a complete failure.

As soon as I got "share" out... his eyes opened as wide as dinner plates.  I think if I had to tell him to THAT expression... there was no way it was going to work.

So the next thing that came out of my mouth, with all love and compassion (swear to God) was "Stop doing that with your face" 

I told him no one is dying, no one is sick or injured, nothing is wrong, mom and I great... everything is good... so, again, please stop doing that with your face.

The preamble to the main event

Once he complied, I said, matter-of-factly that I was trans.

His face did not go back to the big-eyed state.

One simple statement and you succeeded beyond your wildest expectations.

What followed was just 45 minutes of him telling me how much he loved me and supported me and that I had nothing to apologize for... I told him the brief history of the last 4-5 years: starting therapy, telling his mom.... electrolysis, hormones, etc. Got him up to speed with what's been going on and where things stand.  He asked about pronouns, what he should call me (I said there's one person in the whole world who calls me dad - that will never change)... and he asked if I had any doubt he'd be fine with it? I told him I was more concerned about the burden I was placing on him... and he was good with it.

My wife talked about how he obviously will need time to process it, but how good we are, and he asked more about if there were any concerns with my health.. and what about future procedures, did THOSE bring with them any risks, and he just wanted to be in the loop on health things.

Then we all talked about next steps for telling family and such.

I'm euphoric that the outcome was far beyond your wildest expectations and your son showed his 'unconditional love' for you.  Long time ago, me and my uncle discussed who would accept me and who would not.  So it's good to hear that you are discussing this particular issue.

I said I'd really like him to be able to talk to his friends about this, but I think until we tell our siblings, that needs to wait. And he understood. His best friend's sister is non-binary so he'd really like to speak with him... but he knows it makes sense to wait.

We talked about a lot more. We hugged. We kept telling him to go to his friends, but he kept staying.

None of us wanted birthday dessert (still too full from dinner).

After a while, he wanted one more hug, and while we were embracing, I leaned in to him, and whispered softly to him "A birthday card would have killed you?"

He laughed, broke the hug, hugged his mom and said his goodbyes.

So yeah... THAT happened.

Love,
Allie

All's well that ends well.  Is what comes to mind, but that does not convey what really transpired that night.  I'm sure, no I'm absolutely certain beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will remember this moment in time forever.

Love and Hugs to your family
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie

The stories you tell, please bring them on.

Oh heck, I forgot to share this little tidbit. I still honestly can't believe it, but, nonetheless, it happened.

During dinner I got up to use the restroom.

Although the wife and I had been to this restaurant twice before, neither of us had used the bathrooms, so we weren't certain where they were. But, you know, we had an idea.

So I wandered to the general vicinity, and the head waiter saw me, and I asked him where the restroom was.

He said "right this way.." (which was a bit annoying, instead of just pointing)

So he led me down the corridor, and the proceeded to open and hold the door for me.

It was only after I was inside that I realized... hey.. this is the women's room.

Now, it was just a single, so it wasn't that big of a deal (meaning no one else was there). And maybe the men's room was out of order and that's why he did it? But when I came out he wasn't keeping watch or anything.

Because of everything going on last night it all just sort of felt like one more clown cramming into the tiny car. But upon reflection... it was both cool and weird. The very obvious lack of hair atop my head at present makes it just hard to quite understand.

After the dust settled of telling our son, I did share this story with both my wife and our son, by the way. They both agreed it was really cool AND weird. LOL

You have now been correctly identified as a female, twice, from what I know.  May be the waiter was blind as a bat or a mole.

In all seriousness now, something that I never considered and it was only recently that I put two and two together.  I always wondered when I was talking with colleagues and friends and the proverbial question of, "how old are you"?  Came up.

I would say, "how old do you think I am?  The answer was invariably 10 years younger or so than what I was and then I would tell them what my age was.  They would turn around and say I don't believe you, so I would pull out my driving license and show them it.  I would then watch their faces, show total and utter disbelief.

The reasons being, one my grandmother had beautiful skin and two it was the hormones silly!  You are nearly one year into hormone therapy and the changes to your face are occurring.  You and your wife may not notice it but others will if they have not seen you for a long time.

So expect to be correctly gendered more often from now on.  Oh one last thing before I go for you to consider, there are women out there with 'alopecia' and you have that problem as well, tied in with your long hair and soft facial features.  No wonder why you are being correctly gendered.

Love and Hugs to your family
Sarah B

[davina61]

Yes the guess my age thing, nearly always a good 10 to 20 years out the right way! Wearing my very dirty torn and shabby work gear the other day I got "this lady was first" from a man in my local shop and he didn't have any clues to go on apart from my wig and face.

[Oldandcreaky]

Yes the guess my age thing, nearly always a good 10 to 20 years out the right way!

Estrogen is the fountain of youth at first, but in the end, women tend to look older than men of the same age. You can see that on the street with the wife in some older couples looking more like the husband's mother. And I can certainly see the tendency of women looking older than same-aged men in my mirror. I'm okay with it. It gives me the superpower of invisibility.

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie and Davina

Please take notes of the highlighted part.

Yes the guess my age thing, nearly always a good 10 to 20 years out the right way! Wearing my very dirty torn and shabby work gear the other day I got "this lady was first" from a man in my local shop and he didn't have any clues to go on apart from my wig and face.

I rest my case!

Best Wishes and Hugs to all
Sarah B

[imallie]

Thanks Sarah! I think you're correct in that it'll start happening more, but also O&C is onto something I think really works in my favor... being over 50 (ok, nearly 60)... adds a veneer of near invisibility. So it's not like people will be looking that hard to begin with.  So I really think if I get the hair thing right, that will help.

BTW, just scheduled a session with my therapist to break down the play-by-play of this past weekend, and talk about our takeaways as we go forward for the rest of the year.

I know, I know... Sorry... you can take the girl out of athletics, but you can't take the athletics out of the girl. 😉

[Oldandcreaky]

So I really think if I get the hair thing right, that will help.

Yep.

There are older women with little hair up top. You see a lot more scalp than hair. Their lack of hair doesn't get them misgendered. However, when women lose most of their hair, their hair loss is evenly dispersed all over. No chrome dome.

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie

You mention this

Thanks Sarah! I think you're correct in that it'll start happening more, but also O&C is onto something I think really works in my favor... being over 50 (ok, nearly 60)... adds a veneer of near invisibility. So it's not like people will be looking that hard to begin with.  So I really think if I get the hair thing right, that will help.

BTW, just scheduled a session with my therapist to break down the play-by-play of this past weekend, and talk about our takeaways as we go forward for the rest of the year.

I know, I know... Sorry... you can take the girl out of athletics, but you can't take the athletics out of the girl. 😉

Just a few points my grandmother had thinning hair as far as I know, but it still was long, my mums hair was thick and long (I'm so jealous) and my hair has thinned and is still long with a head full of hair.  In other words, I take after my grandmother in skin and hair department go figure (genes).

If you have read any of my posts, you will come across the following, got dressed, put some make up on (little) or not and I did my hair in a plait, braid or bun. Then I went on my way.

I know my hair length allowed me to pass instantly even on my first holiday (read first outing).

So with that in mind, what you said in 'bold' and what I mentioned about my hair.  You have a recipe for success. So yes, work on the hair problem it will help you no end. In addition clothes and makeup will help you also.  Remember people tend to look at peoples faces first, to basically find out if they are male or female.

All the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B