Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[Moonflower]

So as I said to my wife, there are two ways to take this:

1. Be ticked off that, yet again, someone else just has gone and told my story without asking.

2. Look at this like there was an issue, and now that issue is sorted out.

With all the other things going on in our lives, I told her we should absolutely just go with #2. She laughed and agreed.

I love the choices that the two of you make! Thanks for being here and sharing your stories.

[Moonflower]

We were just laughing about how the last time we went, my college roommate got us a private tour of the capitol and the White House for me, my wife and our son.

And now 12 years later, last week our son said "Let me know if you want me to arrange a private tour of the Capitol for you."

💖💝💕💞❤️

[Moonflower]

my dad used to tell stories of how he would hitch rides from Hartford to Brooklyn to see his beloved Dodgers all the time when he was on leave from the Navy, and he just put on his uniform and he'd have rides in an instant. But THAT was in the 50's.

The 70's... post Vietnam... I'm wondering how that played out for you. I would hope it still garnered the respect you deserved, but (and I was just a kid then so it's sketchy to me ... mostly what I read and remember from TV) it seems like it would have been a decidedly mixed bag.

1970 my brother was finishing his commitment to the navy. In New York City,  businesses often had conspicuous signs welcoming servicemen and anyone in a US military uniform, often offering a free haircut or cup of coffee.

My brother then organized fellow students at NYU to protest the war, and made the news for it. He never wore his uniform any more for any occasion, including hitching.

By the mid 70s, I didn't know anyone who supported the war or the draft or military service, except one cousin who was an Air Force officer, and his family.

[Moonflower]

So I think we've locked the final version of the "note" that will go out to the rest of the people I'd like to hear the news directly from us, likely tomorrow. In case something like this is helpful at all to anyone by way of example... I'll post a slightly edited version below.

Anyway, there's lots more I could tell you, and I'm happy to chat about any/all of it if you'd like. But again if this is either something you're not able to support, you need time to process things, or simply do not wish to reach out in return, please know that I will of course understand completely.

So impressively generous, kind, compassionate!

My wife feels enormously surprised and grateful that all but 2 people responded to her coming-out letter immediately with enthusiasm. Those 2 hurt her by being unresponsive. Especially the one who had been a very close friend. That might have been 5 years ago. Nothing was more offensive than that, but could have been.

We wish you well as you wait for the time to feel Right, and then as you receive the responses. Such an emotional stirring!

[imallie]

I love the choices that the two of you make! Thanks fir being here and sharing your stories.

Right back atcha, times 1,000,0000. ❤️

[Moonflower]

So here's tomorrow's plan.

We're so close to being on the same timeline as you! We've talked about a topper recently. New glasses will be soon. Her first "outing" was this year.

And assuming I do buy something... it'll be the first time I'll have to have one of those conversations where I'm showing my male ID while I very much do not look like that.  Very glad it will me and my wife on that one.

I wonder why you would need to show a photo ID. I would hesitate if you're not completely confident. Regarding my wife's coming out, I'd rather encourage her to be confident, but as I err on the side of caution, she plunges ahead. As a woman, she's MUCH more confident than when presenting as a man!!!!! We're looking forward to hearing how it goes! 💝💞💕❤️

[LoriDee]

It took me a while to get accustomed to it too. Stray bangs in my eyes and I kept brushing them away, then eventually trimmed them. After wearing them for longer outings, I finally got comfortable with them. I was worried my skin might get irritated from the wig tape on my skin that long. I had no issues.

Have fun!

[imallie]

We're so close to being on the same timeline as you! We've talked about a topper recently. New glasses will be soon. Her first "outing" was this year.

I wonder why you would need to show a photo ID. I would hesitate if you're not completely confident. Regarding my wife's coming out, I'd rather encourage her to be confident, but as I err on the side of caution, she plunges ahead. As a woman, she's MUCH more confident than when presenting as a man!!!!! We're looking forward to hearing how it goes! 💝💞💕❤️

Good luck!! I'll post more in a moment about my day, but I just wanted to reply to your post with this one point — since it's something my wife and directly were discussing today.

Being out feels really easy to me. I know there are some more awkward "firsts" ahead, but just the basics of going out, doesn't even raise my blood pressure one bit. And I feel it has so much to do with the fact that she's by my side through all of it (what doesn't support make better?) but she also says it's just proof positive that I'm ready and it's the right time.

So that's what I'm saying... you and your husband will absolutely know when it's right for you. And that's all that matters. It's no one else's story but yours. You guys write each chapter when you're ready. ❤️

[imallie]

A good, good day.

Went to Lens Crafters around 9:45 am — after a surprisingly easy time getting the topper on. For the second straight morning my wife took the time to style my bio hair first, which is a big help. Hopefully I'll start to get the hang of that.

We walked in and started looking at glasses, and a really lovely, helpful sales associate came over and said "can I help you ladies?" And she was wonderful. The first pair she picked out for me were perfect. We tried like another dozen pairs at her suggestions (with her taking photos for comparison along the way) but landed on the first - a nice, smart burgundy frame.

And then because they were having a deal, for the first time in my life I got prescription sun glasses. For these they're a bit bigger, more fun, and purple. I mean.. we are NOT in Kansas anymore!

When I mentioned earlier about showing my ID... what I meant was what happened next. When we went to check out, she had to pull up my insurance and account. So if she didn't know I was trans before she did then. Fine with me. And fine with her. She didn't blink. The conversation didn't change... she just, at one point, asked what I liked to be called, and changed my name in the system.  Which is now the first place I've had that done.

Who had Lens Crafters in THAT pool? If so, you're a millionaire.

We were done so soon we had time to kill, so my wife thought it would be a good time to do some clothes shopping for me. To this point, all of that has been done online. Mostly by my wife.. some with me helping too, but mostly her. But she knew I had some ideas about what style would work for me... so said it was time to go try to put it together.

And that's what we did. We shopped for like an hour. Bought three tops, and a couple of open long cardigan sweaters. I thought those would be a nice look for me, and I was right.

After shopping, straight out to lunch.  Again with the "good afternoon ladies..."

We had two different staff members touch the table, and both of them greeted us with some form of that.

Afterwards I said to my wife I was dubious as to whether or not the really bought into me. She disagreed.

But the I realized - what is the actual difference? Whether they thought I was a woman, or just being kind... either way the experience is the same. And the only way I can make it less than is to somehow try to make that difference be some critical tipping point.

There's absolutely no need to give into nonsense. So... that was the lesson learned today.

When we got home, we had a fashion show with the new stuff... took some pics to send to my sister, and now I'm going to try to rest up before meeting the boy for dinner.

Oh gosh, almost forgot!

While in car between the various locations? I came out to 11 friends via email, text and FB. Didn't feel up to it last night? Just started ripping off the band aid this morning.

Have already heard some lovely supportive stuff from three of them.

And NOW I'm going to lay down...

Love,
Allie

Edit: Make it nice things from 5 of the 11 now...

[davina61]

Well done dear, you didnt need the brave pill!! From now on its just normal.

[Moonflower]

Well done dear, you didnt need the brave pill!! From now on its just normal.

Yup.

My wife went grocery shopping with me one day dressed 👗 -- I didn't even notice until afterwards -- and she found that it was no effort, and would likely be just as easy from then on. You're in the flow! What a marvelous place to be!

[Oldandcreaky]

Wow, Allie, wow. So much progress.

[imallie]

Wow, Allie, wow. So much progress.

Just one foot in front of the other... or so the song says... 

[imallie]

Couple of little updates... one seems like it might have a (predicted) sad ending, and one (hopefully) will end as a funny story.

So still sitting on receiving really nice responses from five of the 11 folks to whom I reached out this morning.

But I also have heard from two others... sort of.

One reached out this afternoon with a text, he got the email and, worrying that an email with an attachment was a phishing scheme. A reasonable question, to be sure. So I confirmed it was me... and then ... crickets.

This friend of mine... he was probably the one I was most concerned about. Not because of any right-wing positions. But because of his naivete. He's in his mid 40's, has never dated that we know of, goes to Disney with his mom and sometimes a brother several times a year... and doesn't really like to watch movies if they are too scary, and sex? Forget it.

He's a wonderful guy, he really is. I know what I wrote would make him sound kind of creepy... but he's the opposite. He's more, I don't know... childlike, I guess. He's just full of joy. He's a great person, well liked by all.

And as I have said to my wife on many occasions, I truly wonder if he will understand my situation at all.

The fact that he did not reply at all, concerns me. Not for me... I'm blessed with so much support it isn't about that. I just feel bad if this is really troubling to him. But I figure it's best to give him some space... at least until mid-week next week, before reaching out. So like I said... sad.

The (hopefully) funny story?

As mentioned, in the text of the email to which I attached the email, I try to assure folks that it's not a bot.. crack a few jokes, and wish them a nice long weekend.

Well, one friend who hadn't replied until tonight replied an hour ago and his reply was simple:

"Hey (male name) - Hope you and (my wife) have a great weekend too! Talk to you next week, my friend!"

I then sent him a follow up saying "hey, um... I think it's likely you didn't notice that my original email had an attachment? I'd appreciate if you checked that out when you get a sec..."

 

I'm guessing he's traveling for the long weekend so he just read it quickly while en route, and that's why he missed it and why I haven't heard back from the second email. And why I assume this will end as a funny story. Fingers crossed, anyway.

[Oldandcreaky]

Just one foot in front of the other... or so the song says... 

At this point, you're one footing in front of the other like Usain Bolt.

I hope your childlike friend finds his footing. It would be a shame to lose you.

[imallie]

At this point, you're one footing in front of the other like Usain Bolt.

I hope your childlike friend finds his footing. It would be a shame to lose you.

I only run when chased, but thank you for the compliment, my friend.

And I hope he does too.. but more because I value his friendship and I don't like to think of him dealing with something painful and/or confusing. In the past I have helped him walk through some things... and for obvious reasons I am not a resource for him now on this particular topic. I feel bad about that.

It's no magic trick to get my guilt to kick in, by the way.

[LoriDee]

and for obvious reasons I am not a resource for him now on this particular topic. I feel bad about that.

No one can explain what you are going through better than you. His comprehension might be a barrier, but if you know him well enough and have guided him in the past, perhaps you know best how to explain it in a way that he can understand. I hope that he will continue to remain in your life as a supportive friend.

We all need as many as we can get.
 
 

[imallie]

To O&C's point... yes, at the current speed I suppose someone could pop a hammy... but only if you hadn't stretched properly. And I honestly feel that my wife and I have been warming up for the last few years so we are going at a pace that works for us. But... it is fast!

Today was meant to be dinner at our favorite restaurant with me going into "girl mode" (we just started calling it that, today). Most of the waitstaff know us there... so it will be a thing... but we're ready. But my wife just came in and said "do you really want to put you topper on and do all that just for dinner?" And the answer is - not really. 

So she said why don't we just go to dinner, and then I can put it on loosely when we get home because she wants me to try on a whole bunch of stuff.

Meanwhile today she just ordered me — two pairs of shoes, two Mets hats (a white and a pink one — these are my beloved Mets, so... this a big thing), a new jacket, a set of clip on earrings ("as long as your hair is clip on, your earrings probably should be too" she said ).. and my first two clasp front bras.

All in anticipation of our trip to Washington DC next week, so we're ready for me to basically be full time there for the whole week.

Definitely need to hydrate to make sure my muscles don't cramp at this pace...

[imallie]

We also had a long discussion today about imposter syndrome.

People being so nice.. people everywhere not batting and eye and treating us as two ladies. It's nice, but I don't buy it.

She very much says I should. One of my sisters (who I spoke to about this) said I should as well. My wife said even someone who kind of knew me would likely think I was my sister.

I just... it's hard to buy into good things. And not feel you are delusional. I know it really doesn't matter whether people see me or are being nice... either way should be fine.  It's more about ME seeing ME.

I just probably need to give it some time to get there.

Was able to talk to a friend who has gone through this all pretty recently to make sure my compass was pointed in the right direction and it helped. But I still need to take the journey on my own.

[LoriDee]

With all the effort you two have put into "warming up" you are well-prepared and the faster pace doesn't seem to be overwhelming you, so you are doing it right.

I just posted about a similar situation where my mind starts to wonder if they are being polite or if I really do look nice. Don't fall into that trap of second-guessing everything. It's hard at first, but we get better at just accepting the compliment and counting it as a win. Eventually, we get more points in the win column and the second-guessing falls away as nonsense.

I am proud of you and all you have accomplished.

(engage cheerleader mode)

Go, Allie, Go!