Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[Moonflower]

Getting ready to leave for our week in DC on Saturday... and I was looking back at some pics from our last visit, 12 years ago.

I mean... 🙄

The two versions of me are "to say the least" quite a bit different. And I don't think anyone would think the new version is the one who is 12 years older. Every time I think things are going slowly, or I'm not happy with my progress or whatever... I just paired up these two pics to remind myself to STFU. 🤫😉😂

😊

[Moonflower]

Speaking of our DC trip... We might just decide "what the heck" that now is as good a time as any.

We've been taking it one moment at a time. I make NO assumptions. I check with my wife frequently about whether he or she is the one presenting. I get confused, but we're forgiving of that temporary problem. Pretty soon, it will all smoothe out, right?

[imallie]

We've been taking it one moment at a time. I make NO assumptions. I check with my wife frequently about whether he or she is the one presenting. I get confused, but we're forgiving of that temporary problem. Pretty soon, it will all smoothe out, right?

Yes, this is by definition a temporary problem so really not worth fretting over.

Even so, it dawned on me that we're meeting a dear friend for a ballgame and a dinner (two separate nights) on the trip, and so I contacted him and let him know that I'll be going between the two modes and if he's the least bit uncomfortable to let me know and I'm happy to go "boy mode" when we see him.

Again, a luxury that is very temporary!

With your hubby - does he decide to present on different days / different circumstances and it's more about how he feels in the moment?

If so, I do feel a bit envious as I guess I don't have that arrow in my quiver. My wife and I really just decide logistically and practically. I'm good to go all the time, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense so I'm fine with it for now (again, the temporary thing. 😉)

[imallie]

Well today has been eventful. Mixed bag, I guess? But mostly really good.

Found out that my new glasses & sunglasses were ready, and I could actually get them for our trip to DC.. but that I'd have to get to LensCrafters in like 45 minutes to be there for the "guy who does the fittings" or whatever.

And although my wife works from home on Fridays, she had meetings.. so I had to get dressed and go by myself - my first solo outing. Didn't realize it was my first solo outing until after the fact though... that was how much of a non-starter that was. Which is great, I guess.

Glasses and sunglasses are great. Sunglasses especially.. with those on, I actually think I look... good? One of my sisters said "stylish" but that's a bridge too far. I'm still acclimating to "good."

Also did a check-in with my therapist, catching her up... and we discussed how it's time to ramp up on the dual tracks of name change/liscense/passport/etc and surgical options. I'm going to read up on things on the train to and fro DC... and she will look into some surgeons just to get some more suggestions for me.

Oh and I also just sent my note to five more friends.. one of them instantly responded with just wonderful positive stuff.

So the mixed bag?

The dear friend who has yet to reply from last weekend — probably my best "work" friend for 20+ years... I had this nagging feeling that maybe she didn't get my email with the note. That's the flaw in the note - it says basically "hey, if you don't want to reply, I understand."... when it probably should have said that but added "but could you at least acknowledge you received this."

So in discussion with my therapist she said I should reach out in some way. I came up with something I thought made sense. I texted her this morning. I said that I was sorry if my note made her uncomfortable. And that I understood if she didn't feel like responding, and please not to give it a second thought. That we are good.

My thought was - if she hadn't got the note, this would make her say "what note?" And that would solve that.

And if she truly was against all this... well, then this note would let her know that I really don't hold a grudge and not to feel guilty.

I sent it to her at 10:41. It was marked read at 10:42.  And I've heard nothing since.

And me, ever the optimist, is having trouble spinning this in anything other than a negative outcome.

But I guess I'll try to still hold out a bit of hope.

Love,
Allie

[Lori Dee]

Was that a.m. or p.m.? If p.m. maybe she thought you were drunk texting. Or maybe she was too drunk to actually see it. There are still possible positive outcomes. Don't judge yet. You don't know what she is doing at this moment.

[Jenn104]

I sent it to her at 10:41. It was marked read at 10:42.  And I've heard nothing since.

And me, ever the optimist, is having trouble spinning this in anything other than a negative outcome.

But I guess I'll try to still hold out a bit of hope.

Sometimes no answer is no answer. My experience is one person took 3 weeks to write a very very thoughtful, supportive reply. Others in my circle have yet to answer. So its a maybe until you know either way.

The important part is not who does or does not answer, or how anyone answers. The important part is you've told people who you are. How they react is a reflection on their character, not on you. It is heartbreaking when you pour your heart out to get silence. Still that is not on you. Never was.

~Jenn

[Northern Star Girl]

@imallie   cc:  @LoriDee

I agree with LoriDee...   hold off on your judgement.
Give it some time, and later perhaps send a brief text on
another matter and see how she replies.

HUGS, Danielle

[Lori Dee]

Sometimes no answer is no answer. My experience is one person took 3 weeks to write a very very thoughtful, supportive reply. Others in my circle have yet to answer. So its a maybe until you know either way.

Would that be a Schrodinger's Note? The answer is both supportive and silent.

The important part is not who does or does not answer, or how anyone answers. The important part is you've told people who you are. How they react is a reflection on their character, not on you. It is heartbreaking when you pour your heart out to get silence. Still that is not on you. Never was.

I love this. You are very wise, Jenn.

@Jenn104

[imallie]

Oh yeah now I'll just give her time and space.

I don't feel upset or hurt or anything,  nor do I take it as a reflection of my journey in any way. I've always SAID that other people's opinions of me are none of my business.  😉

Except while I say that? If I'm in a room where 99 people like me and one person just doesn't like the cut of my jib, I will spend all my energy trying to convert that one person. It's NOT a personality trait I find particularly useful, other than I guess it makes you appear outgoing and willing to speak to anyone.

Regardless - Everyone I told today responded within five minutes, with wonderful funny notes and invitations to lunches and such. Lots of good stuff.

So there's that!

[imallie]

Well, time and space given. ❤️

So this friend... like I said. She is one of my dearest friends. For 20+ years we were inseparable on a daily basis. So the thought that she wouldn't be onboard would sadden me. And while she graduated one year ahead of me in school (yes, we both went to the same college at which we ended up working), I looked 20 years older than she... so I used to RELISH the three months during the year when she was "one year" older than I was. I called it "my favorite time of the year."

With all that as context... this was the email I just received. Clearly my text caused her to see an email she had missed last weekend:

———

Dear [new name],

I am happy and honored that you shared your news with me in such a meaningful way.  I would expect nothing less from you than a beautifully crafted letter which made me smile, cry and deeply appreciate how courageous you are.

Of course, I was shocked to learn who you really are after all these years.  I was not at all surprised to read about the love and acceptance from [your wife] and [son].  You are so fortunate to have each other.

As someone who has lived significantly longer than you, I sincerely hope that your "pretty great" life only gets better.  :-).

With love,


————

So I'd like to revise my post of earlier. Today has been an unqualified EXCELLENT day. ❤️

[Lori Dee]

That is awesome!

That made my heart smile.

[imallie]

I've also begun sharing my pic with my friends... not that I was hiding it, it's just that previously I would only send if they asked or it came up in conversation... and then always with the caveat "are you ready to see this?"

Now it's like "hey I got new glasses today" and boom! 😂

As I said to one friend who was really effusive in his praise... people have been SO complimentary that it's gone slightly past being a compliment to being slightly insulting.

It has turned into "wow, you look great! I mean, I figured there was no way you'd look anywhere near that good." 😂

Please know, while I DID say that to my friend, and there is a germ of truth in it I guess, I took/take it all as compliments and all in the good spirit intended. Just sharing it here because we had a laugh about it.

[imallie]

Interesting example of law of unintended consequences at work:

So I was/am very excited about my first-ever pair of prescription sun glasses. Not only because or the protection they provide, but the picture of me wearing them is already by far my favorite photo of me... and was one of those "oh wow - that's ME" moments.

So.. all good!

Except... wearing prescription sunglasses means you have to carry a glass case everywhere, with your regular glasses. Because when you're indoors... you need to switch. And while I can ask my wife to hang onto little things for me... a glass case is a bridge too far.

And since I've already been struggling with walking around holding my phone, and sometimes a wallet... and now this glass case thing... tomorrow as part of our DC travels, we plan on doing a little shopping and getting me a purse.

Like I said, unintended consequences. That's how they get you, I suppose. "Big Purse", I mean. They're insidious! 😂

[Maid Marion]

I have transitions and photochromic gray prescription glasses that can be worn both inside and out!  Supposedly they wear out after a few years.  Zennis makes inexpensive single prescription lenses that work fine for me. It may help that I pick frames with really big lenses.
I'd suggest buying some glasses with cheap lenses to find a frame you really like.  Maybe for pics or modeling.  Then, you can get them with the expensive lenses!

I like a flimsy metal frame that is lightweight and doesn't hurt my head.  It can fit snug so it sticks to my head.
Better than the cheaper plastic frames.  The metal frames have adjustable nose pads.  The cheap plastic ones do not.

With discounts I can get a pair of prescription glasses for less than $60.  Cheap.  Toss in another eyeglass case or two meet a minimum purchase requirement.

I found Zenni's dark Amber too dark for golfing.  It ought to be just fine for snowblowing or a day at the beach!
Amber is about right for golfing.

[Oldandcreaky]

Little purse has snared me. Duluth Trading Company makes a leather purse you wear around your neck. It lasts years. Yes, it won't carry a glasses case, but I love it.

[davina61]

AS we call them this side of the ditch a handbag (purse is what you keep your money and cards in) , it can get addictive having one to match your wardrobe but I tend to stick to one as cant be bothered to keep swopping stuff over. Pocket for phone inside, lippy, mirror, glass case, tissues, pen and an out side zipped pocket on the back that takes my collapsible umbrella. Have a big leather one to take to my workshop, when I say big my small flask fits inside! 

[Gina P]

I started out with a small clutch. Then as I found I wanted to carry more with me, and also had my confidence a little higher, got a bigger one. Still in the mid size range. I have seen some women carrying things that would rival my carry on luggage.

[Moonflower]

With your hubby - does he decide to present on different days / different circumstances and it's more about how he feels in the moment?

Regarding what to wear, she thinks about whether she is comfortable in the situation.

Regarding her name, she is thinking about deliberately identifying herself as herself in conspicuously male environments like building supply stores, but has been hesitant. Having her driver's license to support her using the Women's Room might help.

If so, I do feel a bit envious as I guess I don't have that arrow in my quiver. My wife and I really just decide logistically and practically. I'm good to go all the time, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense so I'm fine with it for now (again, the temporary thing. 😉)

Yup, logistics, practicality, sense all matter. It keeps getting less temporary...🎆🎇🎆🎉👍🏻 She just changed her name on 4 more ID cards this morning.

[imallie]

Little purse has snared me. Duluth Trading Company makes a leather purse you wear around your neck. It lasts years. Yes, it won't carry a glasses case, but I love it.

We picked something up a TJ Maxx that'll do the trick. Soft,leather and big enough for phone and glass case and a small little portfolio holding cards and some cash.

Now that I have the purse/pocket book I said "can't I just put my wallet in there" and my wife gave me the look.  I'm used to that look on a host of other issues when I say something out of my depth, so I got it instantly. 😂. She picked out this cute little portfolio-thingie (I'm sure it has a name - sorry) and we were off. I will try it at dinner tonight. 

[imallie]

AS we call them this side of the ditch a handbag (purse is what you keep your money and cards in) , it can get addictive having one to match your wardrobe but I tend to stick to one as cant be bothered to keep swopping stuff over. Pocket for phone inside, lippy, mirror, glass case, tissues, pen and an out side zipped pocket on the back that takes my collapsible umbrella. Have a big leather one to take to my workshop, when I say big my small flask fits inside! 

I'm forever taking Vicodin for my headaches ... so presently I've no use for a flask. But good to know this is future-proof if big enough!